I'm Not Saying That I'm Not Breaking Some Hearts Tonight

Kaitlin woke to Gerard’s heavy breathing. A smile formed on her face as she recalled last night’s events. She turned to the side and ran her fingers through his dark hair. The smile faded from her face as she realized the impact of her actions. She slept with Gerard. She slept with Mikey’s brother. A knot formed in her stomach and she thought she was going to be sick. Kaitlin gently pressed her lips against his cheek as she rolled out of bed and pulled on a silk robe. She stood next to her bed and stared at him. He was gorgeous, she had to fight her urge to crawl back into bed and touch his pale perfect skin, to kiss his plump pink lips. She couldn’t look at him any longer, so she left her bedroom and walked into her living room. She started pacing and mentally arguing with herself.

I love him, that’s all that matters.

He’s Mikey’s brother that matters!

Who cares? He makes me happy.

Doesn’t matter, you know how bad it hurts to be betrayed by your sibling.

Maybe Mikey won’t care. Maybe he just wants Gerard to be happy.

HA! Of course he will! You’re sleeping with his brother! He wants Gerard to be happy, but not with you.

She was going to go insane, waiting for him to wake up so she started to make herself busy. Kaitlin picked up Gerard’s clothes and folded them. She threw her clothes into the hamper. She took his clothes into her room, he was still sleeping. Kaitlin bit her lip to prevent herself from crying. Why did things have to be so damn hard? She went back into the living room and started sweeping; she had to do something to keep herself busy. She washed her kitchen counters and put away the clean dishes. Kaitlin didn’t know what else to do, she decided to go back and check on him. God, she couldn’t take it anymore. Kaitlin slipped out of her robe and back into bed. She snuggled up next to him and the heat of his body sent chills up and down her spine. He started to stir and mumbled something incoherent. Gerard lifted his muscular arm and wrapped it around Kaitlin’s small back, pulling her closer into him.

“You up?” she whispered.

“Give me a sec,” he mumbled. She snuggled into his pillow; it smelt just like him. He let go of her and turned into his back, stretching his arms and yawning. He rubbed his eyes and smiled at her.

“Morning,” he whispered, as he laid back down and wrapped his arm around her.

“Morning,” she said, as he gently kissed her forehead. They laid there for a little bit. “Did you mean what you said last night?” she asked him.

“Of course.”

“You don’t even know what part I’m talking about.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, “I meant everything I said to you.” She bit the inside of her cheek.

“You love me?” she hesitantly asked.

“With all my heart.” She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t do any of this. She quietly groaned and rolled out of bed, slipping in her robe once again.

“What’s the matter?” asked Gerard. She put her hand to her forehead and he sat up.

“I—I can’t. I just really can’t,” she said breathlessly.

“Can’t what?” asked Gerard as he got out of bed, he took his boxers off of the dresser and stepped into them. She was shaking her head and Gerard walked close to her, trying to wrap his arms around her but she held up a hand in protest.

“You have to leave,” she said, her voice breaking. Tears were dripping down her face.

“What?” asked Gerard in complete disbelief.

“I can’t do this,” she said.

“Do what? Kaitlin, please just calm down.”

“This,” she said, pointing back and forth from him to her, “Gerard, you seriously have to leave now.”

“Please don’t,” he begged, “Just calm down and take a deep breathe, you aren’t thinking rationally.” She just shook her head as tears poured from her eyes. “What about last night? You told me you loved me.”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she whispered. Gerard was shaking his head.

“You know damn well you meant what you said last night.” She could tell he was hurting and it made all of this harder.

“Last night was a mistake,” she said. His heart was breaking right in front of her. “I shouldn’t have said that. We shouldn’t have been together, I was just upset.”

He just started at her, in shock.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “Last night was a mistake,” she said in a barely audible tone. Gerard looked like he was going to cry, but the next second anger was painted across his perfect face.

“Have a nice life,” he said as he grabbed his clothes and stormed out of her bedroom.

Kaitlin heard him mumbling under his breath as he hastily put on his clothes.

“Whore,” he said angrily right before he slammed her apartment door shut.