Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

We spent the rest of the day keeping ourselves busy – Marc, Jared, Cam and I played some ball hockey and showed Cam the farm and stuff like that, anything to keep the awkward tension away. Even though my parents seemed to be supportive they were still acting a little off, which I understood, but they were putting in an effort to act as they had yesterday. I was surprised Cam wanted to just out and tell them, before doing a press conference or anything like that – to me it made more sense to get it public first. I knew I’d agreed to telling them, but I’d done it more so to make her happy, I really, really thought that doing a press conference first would have been the best way to do it. But at the same time, I’d just shut up and be supportive – it wasn’t my decision to make, so I’d be there for her whatever she decided to do.

~*~

When we sat down for dinner the table was nearly dead silent – almost nobody spoke, and while Marc, Jared, Lindsay and Tanya tried to make conversation they were failing at it. Parker kept looking between all of us, obviously wondering what was wrong that he didn’t understand. I kept stealing glances at Cam, who hardly picked at her food, and everyone noticed how uncomfortable she was.

“Um, can I say something?” Cam asked, and mom and dad nodded, looking surprised at her question.

“Of course Cam,”

“I just… I wanted to apologize. For not telling you guys right from the start, and for basically lying to you. I really didn’t want to do it, I felt awful about it, but I was so scared about not being able to play hockey or disappointing you guys. You all mean a lot to me, and I look up to you guys and I was just afraid you wouldn’t think the same of me,” she said, and saw the girls and my mom a little choked up by her speech.

“Cam, you’re still part of this family, regardless,” my mom started, but Cam cut her off.

“It’s not about me and Jordan being together – it’s… I’m… I’m a girl,” she managed, her voice shaking. My mom’s eyes widened, dad’s jaw dropped and Eric looked like he was in disbelief.

“Are… are you serious?” dad asked, and Cam nodded, and as of yet still hadn’t looked up at anybody.

“Yeah, I am,”

“So, um… is Cam your real name?” dad asked, and she nodded again.

“Yeah, my real name is Cameron; Cameron Jessica Bates,” she answered.

“So that’s it? Just like that you guys are gonna believe that? It’s total bull!” Eric sneered, and I felt the hair on the back of my neck bristle.

“What are you talking about?” Jared asked, and Eric glared at him.

“There’s just no way that’s true,” Eric continued, and everyone looked to him in surprise.

“It’s true,” she insisted, but he stood up and shook his head.

“There’s no way in hell that after telling us about you two being together that you’re just going to tell us now that you’re a girl – there’s no way that’s true,” he insisted and I felt myself getting angry.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that she’s a girl?” I demanded, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Just think about it Jordan! The whole story seems a little too far-fetched!”

“It’s not! Why would we lie about this?” I demanded, and he rolled his eyes.

“Why would you have lied about everything else?” he shot back, and stood up out of my chair.

“Think about it Eric! Would she have been able to play in the NHL otherwise? Of course it had to be believable that she was a guy, she couldn’t tell everybody the truth!”

“She could’ve partway through the season? Why keep lying after that? Huh? Doesn’t make sense! That’s why all this is bullshit!” Tanya flinched at my brother’s tone and language, eyeing her oldest son and debating about making a quick exit from the room.

“It is not! Cam’s a girl, Eric! Get over yourself! Is it so hard to believe us? That she wanted to play hockey enough to pretend to be a guy?” I growled.

“After you basically told me you were gay? Sorry I find it hard to believe you’d pretend to be gay just to hide it,” he snarled.

“Eric why would I lie about this?” Cam asked, but I cut her off with a soft squeeze of her hand because she looked close to tears.

“I did it because her career was at stake! She wanted to prove to everybody that she could play in the NHL and that she deserved to be there, so she wanted to keep it a secret! I found out kind of on accident, because I had feelings for her. I wanted to protect her,” I growled, and he sneered.

“Sure you did,”

“Of course I do, and that’s why when you found out I didn’t let her tell you! You wouldn’t have played against her the same way and people would ask questions, and then when she wanted to tell you after I knew you’d flip out! I didn’t tell you the truth because I love her, and I want what’s best for her,” I cut myself off, realizing I was basically yelling across the kitchen table, and that my nephews were staring with wide-eyes at the two of us.

“I’m going home. Tanya?” Eric was halfway out the door already, and I was shocked when Tanya didn’t get up.

“No, Eric – Parker’s been looking forward to seeing Cam and Uncle Jordan all day,” she said, and he froze mid-step.

“What?” his voice was quite soft, and Tanya took a deep breath.

“Why are you so tore up over this? You were so upset about the thought that they were gay, shouldn’t this be a relief?” she demanded, and instead of replying we heard the door slam and heard his car start up and leave. Tanya let out a deep breath, and Lindsay put a hand on her shoulder in support.

“He’ll get over it – he just doesn’t take to change well,” Tanya apologized, and Cam shook her head.

“I understand, it’s all right. I’m just sorry I hadn’t told you before… I felt so awful about lying to you guys,” she said, softly giving my hand a tug as a reminder to sit back down. Parker was still looking confused as hell, more so now that his dad had left.

“Mommy? Unca Cam… a giwl?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Yes honey, she had to pretend to be a boy so she could play hockey,” she explained, and when he looked to Cam for confirmation she nodded.

“Because she wuv’s hockey?” he asked, and they both nodded.

“Very much,” she agreed, and Parker nodded, before getting out of his chair and walking over to Cam’s.

“So you my Aunty Cam?” he asked, and everybody laughed.

“Yeah, you can call her Aunty Cam,” I grinned, and saw Cam’s cheeks heat up. I had hopes that we’d be together for a long time, so I just hoped it didn’t scare her off for me to make that kind of decision.

“Yay! I missed you,” he announced, snuggling into her body and wrapping his arms around her. I felt relief course through my body at Parker’s easy acceptance of the news. My parents looked a little unsure, and while I understood I was still worrying that telling them first wasn’t the right move.

“Missed you too buddy,” she whispered, and Parker made himself comfortable sitting on her lap. Soon everybody else relaxed, and I got the feeling that my parents were coming to terms with the idea of Cam actually being a girl.