Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

We must’ve dozed for a while, because I woke up to my phone going off, alerting me that I’d missed calls and texts. I groaned and felt for it on the console, shutting my eyes as I pressed the touch screen and it lit up.

“Damnit please shut that thing off – it hurts the eyes,” Cam whined, somewhere between sleep and being awake, and then I saw that it was one thirty in the morning, and my family was getting worried as to where we were and why they couldn’t get a hold of us.

“Sorry, but we should probably head back home – everybody’s worrying about us,” I apologized with a kiss to her forehead, and she sighed before nodding.

“I guess, but we should probably find the rest of our clothes first,” she giggled, and I nodded as we pulled on our underwear and wandered back over to the blanket and picnic basket to finish getting dressed. We packed everything up and got back in the truck, Cam falling asleep before the ten-minute drive was over. I picked her up and carried her into the house, finding my father awake at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a word cross puzzle book, waiting for us.

“You didn’t have to wait up dad,” I whispered, and he just shrugged.

“We wanted to know if you two got home okay – if you were going to stay somewhere you should’ve at least told somebody,” he chided me, and I shrugged.

“We fell asleep out by the pond,” I answered, and he nodded, going back to his puzzle book. That meant he wanted to talk once I got Cam into bed, so I carefully carried her down the stairs, and instead of waking her eased her clothing off of her, and dressed her in the old t-shirt of mine that she’d stolen and a pair of sleep shorts. She never stirred the entire time, not even when I tucked her in and kissed her forehead before closing the door and heading back upstairs.

“So did you two have fun?” dad asked, and I nodded, getting myself a glass of water.

“Yeah, it was great; Cam loved it,”

“And you were… prepared?” he asked, and immediately my face turned bright red. I mean, I wasn’t naïve, I knew my dad knew I had sex, but for him to bring it up… that was weird. We didn’t talk about stuff like that with our parents – that was the perk to having three other brothers.

“Uh… y-yeah,” I stuttered, and he nodded again, not looking the slightest bit perplexed.

“Good, I’d hate to see any kind of accident happen for you two – it would absolutely crush Cam to have her career ended before she wanted it to,” he said. While I knew exactly what he meant, his words stung a little bit, and it took me a moment to realize why. It was because I was hurt at the thought Cam wouldn’t want to have kids with me. I knew dad hadn’t meant it that way in the slightest, and I knew that what he’d said was true, but it hurt a little nonetheless.

“We’d make it work dad, I’d take care of her if it ever did happen,” I told him, and he looked up at me, sounding slightly surprised at the determination in my tone.

“I’m not saying you wouldn’t Jordan, you know that. I’m surprised you aren’t turning tail at even the mention of kids,”

“Cam’s made me re-think a lot of things,” I shrugged, not wanting to get into this conversation right now. We’d never been big on talking everything out, with dad it was more of a thing where we all knew he knew about stuff, and it was like an unspoken agreement to leave things at that. So it was understandable why I felt so uncomfortable having this conversation with my dad.

“I can see that; you’ve changed a lot since you went to Pittsburgh for the start of the season,” he acknowledged, and I leaned back against the counter. I knew I’d changed, but was it really as dramatic as everyone kept saying?

“Did I really pull that much of a one-eighty? Was I really that awful before?” I asked, and dad looked alarmed.

“You weren’t awful Jordan, where did you get that idea?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“I dunno, I know I wasn’t the greatest kid to have to deal with,”

“Jordan, you listen to me. There was nothing wrong with you, all right? Sure, you were a little rebellious and whatever, but what kid isn’t? You just took a little longer to find your way is all,” he assured me.

“And a lot of help. And a lot of mistakes,”

“And look at the person you are now because of it. Things are meant to happen for a reason Jordan; you’ve really grown into a good man. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of how you behave and what you’ve accomplished, and you have no idea how happy it makes me, well, all of us, to see how happy you are with Cam,” he finished, and I was at a loss for words. For dad to come out with all of this was nearly unheard of. It wasn’t that he was unsupportive, far from it, but he just wasn’t overly… vocal about this sort of mushy stuff – none of us were.

“Really?”

“Of course Jordan. Why wouldn’t I want to see you happy? You’ve got everything you could ever want in the palm of your hand kiddo, and you know it. I can see how happy you are because every morning she’s been here you wake up with a light in your eyes, a spring in your step and a smile on your face. I’ve never seen you like that before; it’s like you’re a whole different person since she’s came into the picture. It’s not that you weren’t good or happy before, it’s just that you’ve really come into your own with her around Jordan,”

“Y-yeah, I think so. She just… she brings out the best in me dad. She makes me want to be a better person so I can deserve to be with her. She makes me wish I hadn’t done all of the stupid shit that I have, that I could’ve been normal and baggage free when we met and it could have sped the whole process up,”

“But if you hadn’t been in the place you had when you met her, would you two have become so close? Would you have bonded so quickly?” dad asked, and I shrugged. Cam had helped me through the whole Torrie thing, and was there for me constantly. Now that I thought about it, that had contributed a lot to us becoming so close so quickly and us opening up to each other.

“I… I don’t know,”

“See what I mean? Things happen for a reason Jordy. We can’t change the past, but we can shape the future,” he told me, standing up and stretching.

“I guess so,” I allowed, and he began to walk down the hall.

“Hey dad?”

“Yeah Jord?”

“Thanks, for this, for everything. And um, I wanted to ask you something,” I began to feel nervous then, and ran a hand through my hair to help stall for some time.

“Sure thing, what is it?”

“Do you think… is it… um… would it be too early for me to want to ask her to marry me?” I finally managed to whisper, and dad looked a little surprised before shrugging.

“How long have you been together again?”

“Five months in a week,” I answered, feeling self-conscious.

“Maybe a little soon to actually ask,” he said, and immediately I felt ridiculous for even thinking it, let alone bringing it up.

“But, it doesn’t hurt to think about the future Jordan. It might be a little soon, but even eight or nine months means you’ve had a lot more time for you two to spend together and see if it’ll work long-term. Not that you two should have a problem with that,” he grinned, and I felt a little more at ease.

“Maybe find something a little less intense, but that’s a little more serious than what it is right now. A happy medium – something that’ll speak to her. But I swear if you get some kind of cheesy little promise ring I’ll disown you,” he warned me, and I started to laugh. This was the dad I knew and loved.
“Right, because I’d do that,” I rolled my eyes, and he raised an eyebrow at me.

“I have no idea what you would or wouldn’t do when it comes to that girl – people do crazy things when they’re in love,”

“That they do,” I allowed.

“But there’s a difference between crazy and cheesy – and no son of mine is pulling that shit,” he teased gruffly before heading to bed. I chuckled to myself again, and then headed to Jared’s room. Surprisingly he was awake, and put his cell phone down as I walked into the room.