Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“How you holding up?” I asked Jordan when I walked into the player’s lounge. He’d been a little out of sorts for the last two weeks; ever since Torrie had left for Thunder Bay after they had officially called it quits.
“I’m okay. It’s just weird, to go home to an empty place is all. Then I feel even worse because I think I should be missing her rather than just missing having another person around,” he sighed, but I shook my head. Jordan knew he wasn’t in love with her anymore, he’d even said it, but it was a tough change for him as they’d been going out since high school. Being with someone – even on again off again – for that long is something that’s hard to adjust to when it’s over.
“Don’t feel bad Jordan, if you don’t miss her that’s okay. It’s part of moving on sometimes,” I assured him, hoping I wasn’t out of line by saying so. He nodded slowly, before standing up. We were getting ready for our first road trip of the season; we’d be playing the Islanders, the Rangers, the Devils, Buffalo, then the Flyers. Out of all of the games I was most nervous about that one. Not only was it our rival team, but a certain somebody there had a personal issue with me, and I was a little worried as to how that was going to pan out. But I didn’t focus on that; I tried to keep optimistic and keep Jordan as happy as possible; reminding him that Marc was excited to see him after the game. It helped, especially after Marc had phoned me to see what was up with his little brother. I’d been a little wary at first, not sure what Jordan would want his older brother to know, but finally decided it was best if Marc knew what was up. When Marc had phoned Jordan he knew that something was wrong, and figured since Jordan talked about me as being one of his closer friends that I could help him out.
“Yeah, I guess. At least it’ll be cool to see Marc after the game,” he allowed. “Lindsay too; I’m pretty sure they’re expecting by now. All those two can talk about is wanting a house full of kids,” he shook his head, like the idea was ridiculous.
“What’s so wrong with that?”
“Oh nothing I guess; I mean, they’re head over heels and I can see why they want kids. I do too eventually, but I guess I just can’t see why they’re settling down so soon. Married I get; but once you have kids everything really changes. You can’t just go out anymore and do all the things you did. We all saw it with Eric and Tanya, and even though Eric and Tanya love Parker more than anything that’s a lot to give up,” he explained. I understood where he was coming from, even if I didn’t agree with him.
“But at the same time, don’t you want to be young enough to still do things when they grow up? I mean, my parents waited until they were thirty-two and thirty-three, and even when I was in high school they were slowing down. Dad and I didn’t go and play hockey as much, and when we did it wasn’t as intense, and it’s been a long time since me and my mom ever did anything like that,”
“I get what you mean, I just… why are we even talking about this?” he asked as realization dawned on him as to how weird our conversation truly was. This was something couples talked about, not two guys getting ready to head out for a bunch of hockey games.
“I have no idea,” I admitted, and after looking at each other for a moment we burst into laughter, causing some of the other guys in the huge room to look at us. They hadn’t heard what was going on, but we were busting a gut laughing, so they figured it must’ve been good.
“What’s with you two?” Marc asked as he came and sat on the large, leather couch across from us. TK and Kris followed suit, but we refused to say anything about it. We’d never hear the end of their teasing otherwise.
“Fine. Be that way,” TK pouted, feeling hurt at being left out. Sid hopped over the back of the couch and sat down beside me, startling me.
“Hey guys; what’s up? Excited?” Sid was always excited for games, but I’d never seen him like this before. He could hardly sit still, never staying in one place for more than a few minutes and talking to everybody.
“You bet,” I grinned, and he returned it, giving my shoulder a pat.
“Good! God I can’t wait to see the look on the Flyer’s faces when we kick their asses; and if you have a game like you did opening night it’s gonna be even better! They’re probably all just pissed they didn’t find you first,” he said, and I looked to Jordan and the guys for clarification.
“It’s always a bit of a sore spot with teams when they could’ve had a chance at signing an undrafted player – especially when they’re as good as you,” Letang explained, and while I felt embarrassed at his off-hand compliment I understood what they meant.
“Oh, got it,” I nodded, and saw Sid was practically bouncing up and down.
“Dude, what are you on this morning?” I asked, and a couple of the guys laughed.
“He’s always crazy before we leave, and then he usually crashes and sleeps for a bit on the plane before getting his ass kicked at COD,” TK explained.
“And I had a coffee this morning,” Sid added. Jordan and Marc groaned, and I wondered if this was an unusual thing.
“Seriously? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Jordan asked, shooting Sid a sideways glance.
Marc noticed my confusion and decided to explain. “Sid doesn’t usually drink coffee – unless it’s decaf. So when ‘e drinks coffee, especially if Nathalie made it, ‘e’s bouncing off the ceiling for a couple of ‘ours.”
“Oh boy, should you go skate a few laps before we go? We all know Geno won’t show up for another fifteen minutes,” I said, making everybody laugh with my joke at the Russian’s expense. He was late for everything, and while sometimes it wasn’t his fault – his sense of direction rivaled mine in Pittsburgh – it made him the butt of a lot of jokes in the locker room.
“Nah, I’m good! I don’t even feel that hyper!” he insisted, even as he stood up to go talk to someone else, unable to stay sitting any longer.
“Jesus I’m glad I don’t have to sit with him on the plane,” Jordan said, giving Marc a sympathetic look. Marc just shrugged, not knowing what else to do before changing the topic to tomorrow night’s game in New York.
“You gonna hang out with Marc tomorrow? Seeing as he’s only like twenty minutes away and all,” Letang asked, and Jordan nodded.
“Yeah, he called me yesterday to see if I wanted to go to dinner at his place, he asked if you wanted to come too but I couldn’t get a hold of you last night,” Jordan said, turning to me as he did so.
“Becka was a little out of sorts last night; she doesn’t know what she’s going to do with herself with me gone all week,” I explained, and didn’t miss TK’s knowing smirk.
“She might have to find a fill-in,” I shot him a death glare as he laughed, and I was glad that Marc cuffed him upside the head and Jordan glared at him too.
“It was just a joke! Settle your kettle man!” he complained, rubbing the back of his head and glaring at Marc as well.
“That wasn’t very nice; Becka’s a nice girl, she wouldn’t do that to ‘im,” Marc told him, and Tyler had the grace to look a little sheepish.
“I know she wouldn’t, I was just kidding. Honest,” he insisted, and I nodded. We continued to talk for another fifteen minutes until everybody had arrived and then made our way to the bus that would drive us all to the airport to get on the private jet.
“Hey, is it cool if I sit with you on the plane?” Jordan asked, and I nodded.
“Well yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” I replied, sliding in to the window seat and making myself comfortable. He managed to get his large frame into the seat, as awkward as it looked, and for once I was glad I was the smallest guy on the team. Watching guys like Jordan, Geno and Marc trying to make themselves comfortable in the small space between seats was borderline hilarious. Jordan had to awkwardly turn his lower half toward the aisle so he could get his long legs into a comfortable position.
“I don’t know… just making sure I wasn’t getting on your nerves, I guess,” he quietly admitted, looking at his feet. I didn’t know what to say to him; he was my best friend, I’d do this all again for him without any hesitation if he needed it.
“You’re my best friend Gronk, you’re not getting on my nerves,” I insisted, and he looked over at me, relief and gratitude apparent in his features. I looked away, feeling uncomfortable with Jordan’s bright blue eyes and honest gaze feeling like torture, knowing I was keeping such a huge secret from him. He didn’t seem to notice though, and a few moments later I heard him chuckle.
“What?” I asked quietly, realizing after I’d let my voice slip up into my normal register, not pushing it that little bit lower to try and sound more like a guy as had become the norm for me the past month and a bit.
“I just realized you’re the only guy on the team who doesn’t have trouble getting comfortable in these seats,” he grinned as I looked over at him, and I managed a small smile for him.
“Yeah, I noticed that too,” I said, and he shrugged.
“Who said small was such a bad thing after all, eh?” he said, half-heartedly trying to make a joke, sensing our moods had gotten way too serious for our first road trip. I searched in my pockets and came up with my iPod, trying to stifle a yawn at the same time.
“You do know we’ll be at the airport in like, two minutes right?” Jordan asked, and on second thought put the iPod back in my pocket.
“Right, I forgot. You know I’m used to busing to games, having played Junior A last year,” I said, and he chuckled.
“Yeah, Junior A, I almost forgot,” he said, and I leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes for the quick ride to the plane.