I'll Be the Cure to Your Depression

I pulled away from his amazing lips, gasping for air as my eyes remained shut. “Now do you get it?” I nodded slowly, still trying to catch my breath. “But Ricky…” I opened my eyes, looking back into his. “No buts, don’t say that word.” “Listen to me…I don’t want to be the reason you and TJ stop being friends. I can’t hurt him Ricky.” “So you would continue on being with him when it’s not him that you want?” “I can’t hurt him Ricky…and I can’t ruin the friendship you have with him.” “You’re seriously joking with me right now right?” “I’m not kidding I mean it Ricky.” “I can’t believe you!” He pulled away from me and started back toward the kitchen to go out the front door. “Wait Ricky please-” I reached out for his arm but he pulled it away from me. “No! I just spilled everything out to you. Do you know how hard that is?” “Yes I do. I’m the same way.” “Is that why you can’t tell TJ that you don’t like him?” “Well…yeah…Ricky I just can’t do it. I’ve been hurt too much by people. I know what it feels like and I can’t do that.” His gaze softened and he let out a sigh. “Alright, I understand.” He wrapped his arms around me and softly pressed his lips against mine, but only for a second before he pulled away completely. “I’ll see you tomorrow Zo, I’m sure the guys will be coming to see you.” I nodded, my heart seeming to ache as I watched him walk out the door.

And that was the biggest mistake of my life. I let Ricky leave, and I pretty much let the love of my life disappear. When graduation day came and went, we all went our separate ways. TJ and I broke up, and they went off to make their band a big sensation. I went off to college to further my education and got a part time job as a bartender while I finished out my last year of college. I was living with two girls that I had met in college. We got close very fast and learned that it really does take time to find the good in life. My friends Callie and Kinsey were the absolute best friends I could ever ask for. I had slowly been getting out of my depression as I went through my college years, but there was always something there. Of course there was. I let Ricky walk away, and in the end I lost all the guys that had helped me open up. Kinsey and Callie soon got fed up, knowing that there was something I just wasn’t telling them. So one day I sat them down in the living room. “Ok guys I’ll tell you everything.” Kinsey pulled her feet up under her and they listened silently. I let out a sigh and sat down on the floor in front of them. “In high school, I was kind of a loner. I had friends, but they didn’t really get me, we didn’t really fit you know? We didn’t really have anything in common. Well one day I was getting out of my car and I saw a group of guys, six of them to be exact.” “Who were they?” Kinsey asked, I could tell she was getting a little excited. “Well I had never seen them before. And I wasn’t gonna approach them. I didn’t like attention back then, and well you know I still don’t.” They nodded and I took a deep breath. “They called after me and the tallest one, his name was Chris, told me that they were new. They asked me to show them around, and that pretty much started our friendship.” “Why are you telling us this Zo, what else happened?” Callie asked, sliding to the edge of the couch. “Well there were these two guys in particular that, I guess you could say turned my life into a rollercoaster. We all went to the mall to hang out, and TJ, one of the cutest in the group of boys, in my opinion anyways, well he kissed me. It was nice and all but…” “Come on now can you just get to the point. You’re killing me woman!” Kinsey shouted and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Ok long story short, TJ and I started dating. I got in a fight with my ex best friend becauseshewasalloverRickyatlunchandIhadahugecrushonRickyandweendeduppracticallymakingoutwhenhecametomyhouseandItoldhimIcouldn’thurtTJandheleftandthatprettymuchcausedmeandtheguystosplitapartatgraduation.” I spoke all in one breath. I looked up after taking a huge breath. They were staring at me like I had suddenly sprouted wings. “Um Zo, can you repeat that, but slower this time?” Callie asked and Kinsey laughed. “Callie you’re so slow. What she said was she went off on her ex best friend because she was practically trying to rape him at lunch and Zo had a crush on Ricky. Well Ricky came over to her house one day and they made out, but Zoey told him she couldn’t hurt TJ and that’s what caused her and the guys to separate after graduation.” Kinsey concluded and I smiled. At least I didn’t have to repeat it. “Oh well damn it Zo why’d you let that boy get away?” “I couldn’t hurt TJ. I had just met them all and that would’ve ruined Ricky and TJ’s friendship and I couldn’t do that.” “Wait just a minute,” Kinsey shot up off the couch. “Tell me their names again.” I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “TJ and Ricky?” “No all of them right now hurry up girl!” “Um Chris, Ryan, TJ, Ricky, Angelo, and Balz. Well his name is Josh, but we all called him by his last name.” “Oh my God!” She screeched and picked me up, shaking me like crazy. “I should so fucking murder you right now Zoey!” She yelled in my face. My eyes were wide and I turned to Callie for help. She jumped up and grabbed Kinsey. “Chill out and tell us what is wrong with you?” “She let the most amazing guys walk away from her! She was friends with them Callie! She committed a sin! She even let the hottest one go!” She pouted and slumped to the ground. “I could’ve fucking raped Balz and she let him get away!” “Um Kins, I’m confused.” She suddenly jumped back to her feet and grabbed onto me again. “I’m talking about one of the best fucking bands in the world Zo!” I was suddenly silent. They did have a band, but they had never settled on a name so I didn’t know it. “They finally got big?” I asked, and she nodded. “Fucking huge!” She grabbed my arm and bolted toward the small room where we kept the big desk top computer. She sat down and pulled up youtube and Callie and I sat behind her. Watching her type into the search bar. She typed in a cops episode and let it play. “Oh my God that’s Ricky!” My hand quickly covered my mouth in shock. “Why is he in handcuffs?” “Relax Zo this is just a funny video. He’s not really under arrest.” I nodded and let her continue the video. “Oh there’s TJ.” My shoulders kind of slumped at the sight of him. Kinsey paused the video and turned to me. “Listen Zo if you don’t want to watch this-” “No I do. I wanna see Ricky.” “Ok and just to let you know, this is old. TJ isn’t in the band anymore.” My eyes widened in shock and she hit play. “Oh my goodness look at that beautiful God like man.” Kinsey hit the pause button and it froze on Josh’s face. I smiled and remembered how he was in high school. “Yeah Kins, he’d definitely be your type.” “I know right. This is meant to be. I will meet and rape this man.” She smiled and hit the play button and we continued to watch it. When it was over she turned and smiled at me. “Well what do you think?” “I wanna hear they’re music.” She nodded and typed in the name of their band and the song tittle ‘Abigail’. I smiled and closed my eyes as the song came to its end. “They’re amazing,” I mumbled, feeling the empty place in my heart where they once were start to ache. “And guess what?” Kinsey grinned at me and Callie suddenly clamped her hand over my eyes. “What are you doing?!” I grabbed Callie’s hands, trying to pull her hands away. “Nope, see this was supposed to be given to you on your birthday, but seeing as how this has come up. I can’t resist.” Callie released her hold on me and Kinsey was holding three concert tickets in my face. “It’s originally to see Black Veil Brides, but Motionless In White is going to be there too.” I stared at the tickets, not knowing what to say. “Kins, I can’t…I can’t see them in person.” “Calm down Zo, you probably won’t even talk to them. We’ll be in the crowd, and come on it’s Black Veil Brides!” I couldn’t help but smile. I reached out and took the ticket in my hand. I ran my fingers over the words ‘Motionless In White’ and sighed. I would be fine with just a glimpse of Ricky’s face. I would go to this concert. I looked down at the date and smiled. It was on my birthday, January 16th. Maybe there is still more good to come for me. Maybe I could somehow talk to them and tell them I miss them. Would they recognize me? I put the ticket down and smiled as Kinsey turned back to the computer and browsed through pictures of all the guys. They sure had changed. Maybe they forgot me. I guess I’d find out.