Kid A

I just wanted us to be perfect. To be good together. Happy. Even just content. But I guess I wasn’t good enough. I should’ve known, though, right?
Alcohol just ruins everything, but I’m not even blaming it. Thom did this, and sure we never became “officially in a relationship” but I loved him… I still love him. I love that man so much and then he just turns around, with my own brother.
My cell phone rang. Thom. I ignored it.
Ring, ring, ring, again. Over and over. Maybe he’s in trouble, I thought, what if that’s it?
And I almost answer, but only almost, because if he needs something he can fucking ask Colin for all I care. Colin got the good end of the deal anyway.
---
“Jonny, we’re taking Thom to the hospital. He was hurting himself, it’s scaring me.”
Ed sent me that text.
“What? What’s going on?” I took a deep breath and sent the response. I’m the one that was cheated on… I bit my lip. How did this happen?
“He’s bleeding, they’re taking him into the E.R. I don’t know how he’s doing, I wasn’t allowed to go back with him.”
“… Should I be there?”
“Do what you think is right.”
“… Which hospital are you at?”
I don’t think I’ve ever ridden my bike as fast as I did on the way home that night.
---
I walked into the emergency room doors. “Um… Hi. My names Jonny. I, uh… My friend Thom Yorke is here and I wanted to visit… if.. if that’s okay, and stuff.”
The receptionist smiled at me. “Of course, I’ll go back and see if he wants you to come in.”
I choked and nodded. “Thank you.”
She came back out a few minutes later, “He said it’s fine, I’ll take you back.”
The hall was white, blinding. Nurses scurried around, holding viles of blood, machines to take vital signs, clipboards, medications, cups of water, and the like. They were all cheery when they weren’t with patients, laughing and joking to each other. Didn’t really matter that the patient in room 6 is going to die if they don’t flush his stomach soon enough, the doctors deal with this every day. I guess it makes sense that it doesn’t really phase them the way it does most people…
There was a curtain inside the door, for added privacy I supposed. Thom was on the bed in a hospital gown, large bandages were on his arms and he was hooked up to an IV and a bag of clear fluid. He looked weak, but mostly he just looked really sad. I waved timidly, “Hi, Thom…”
He smiled back at me. “I didn’t think you’d come. I’m really happy you did, Jonny.”
I nodded. “Ed texted me that you were here. I asked if I should come, and he said to do what I wanted. My next question was ‘Which hospital?’”
It looked as though Thom were tearing up. “Thank you so much, Jonny.”
“Of course. I still care about you.” I bit my lip. “I think things need to change and we need to talk but we’re still friends.” I nodded. “One bad thing isn’t going to kill all the good ones…”
“Did you read my letter?” he asked, frowning.
“I tried. It seemed like you were losing consciousness as it went on… I didn’t follow it well.” I sighed.
---
Thom had left me a letter on the kitchen counter, in very scribbled and frantic handwriting. I sat down and read it before I had went over to the hospital, hoping that maybe it had a lot more than what I ended up getting out for it. I could tell he wasn’t okay, but something was going wrong in his brain; he wasn’t thinking straight.