Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass

Maybe I should be working on some kind of personal growth. Maybe I should just get over my aversion to Christmas. That’s what you are thinking, isn’t it? You think I’m like The Grinch. You are happy to compare me to whomever the fuck you want all the day long. But I won’t listen. And I won’t care. And there’s not a thing you can do to change that.

Do you know what Christmas is really about? Besides the money? It’s about getting drunk off your ass. It’s an excuse to act inappropriately, because it’s the holidays, and that’s what everybody does. Does that give you an excuse to do that? No.

Because you’re fucking happy, remember? You don’t need alcohol to have a good time. No. You have some class. Are you proud of yourself? I bet you are. Don’t worry. If you start to doubt yourself, I’m sure your Mummy will make everything better. I’ll bet she kisses you on your forehead and tells you how fucking brilliant you are.

Mothers are the best liars.

Haven’t you ever wondered why Santa Claus has the same handwriting as your mother? Haven’t you ever wondered why they use the same wrapping paper and gift tags? It’s because they’re the same fucking person, you moron. And the sooner you figure that out, you can accept it and move on. That’s personal growth.