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What Do You Say When Your Heart's Not in It?

To hide away the messes, behind your manicure.

The next day was when everything started. Our band would be up on stage soon and to be honest, we were really ecstatic to be performing again. It hadn’t been that long since our last tour but it felt like forever when I was doing nothing but waiting for school to finish so I could pick up Jacob. I breathed in the air of warped as we made our was towards the stage. We quickly climbed up the steps and made our way to the backstage where bands were waiting to go on. And obviously with my luck, All Time Low was one of them bands. I sighed softly to myself as I walked over nervously, the band were already there. Not knowing that I had a problem with one of the members.

“There you are!” David our manager shouted from beside the guys as he ran over to me, giving me a giant hug. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after the little guy while your on.” He smiled and I thanked him quietly. Quiet a few people were looking at me now. Carmen and Caitlyn where off to the side discussing something so it seemed. They both turned around at the same time and locked eyes with me. They mouthed to me from across the room. They mouthed ‘Ruby’ and I nodded my head softly as they quietly did crazy little dances. Caitlyn mouthed to me that we needed to catch up and I nodded in agreement. I pointed at Alex and made some strange signal telling them not to tell and they nodded in understanding.

“Are you ready for Chains Of Sorrow!” Jordan screamed into the mic as it was The Ready Sets spot before us. The crowd roared to life at our band. “Well, no need to wait much longer cause their on next! See you warped tour!” He exclaimed as he and the band ran off stage and hugged me instantly. “Good luck.” He smiled with a wink before walking off.

“Mommy, can’t I come on stage with you?” Jacob asked excitedly and I just sighed before scratching my head softly.

“Sure, come on baby.” I said as I held out my hand to him. I walked onto the stage after my band and sighed softly as I grabbed the microphone. “People of Warped Tour, how you doing?!” I exclaimed and the crowd roared with screams. “Wow.. You guys look good tonight.” I giggled and they all cheered in response. “Anyways, before I start singing and you start throwing things.” I giggled. “I would like to introduce my little boy, Jacob.” I said with a smile and all the people in the crowd aww’d. I pointed over to our manager and told him to go there, that was until my eyes met Alex’s, his jaw was dropped and his eyes were wide. “Anyway guys, for my first song I’m going to sing you a slow one.” I said as I grabbed a stool from the side to sit on in the middle of the stage. “If you know this song, sing along.” I smiled as Charlie started strumming his guitar softly.

"You don’t want me, no,
You don’t need me.
Like I want you, oh,
Like I need you.

And I, want you in my life.
And I, need you in my life."
I sang and the crowd sang along with me. I looked over at Alex to see him still staring back at me. I continued singing as I kept my eyes on his.

"You can’t see me, no,
Like I see you.
I can’t have you, no,
Like you have me.

And I, want you in my life.
And I, need you in my life.

You can’t feel me, no,
Like I feel you.
I can’t steal you, no,
Like you stole me."
I finished off the song, everyone clapped and cheered happily.
“The next song is easier to dance too, This is a fun little song I like to call Goin’ down!” I exclaimed into the microphone as the guitar started first, then the drums kicked in and I jumped up high, throwing the stool to the side of the stage.

“Hey there, Father,
I don’t wanna bother you
But I’ve got a sin to confess.
I’m just sixteen if you know what I mean,
Do you mind if I take off my dress?”
I sang and everyone one danced in the audience, holding their hands up high.

“Don’t know where to start.
Let me get to the good parts
Might wanna cross up your legs.
I’ve got envy, I’ve got greed, anything that you need,
And I’m not above having to beg.”
I added and looked over at Alex as I smirked to sing the next line.

“There was this boy who, tore my heart in two.
I had to lay him, eight feet underground.”
I looked back at the audience, smirking to myself before continuing the chorus.

“All I need, is someone to save me,
Cause I am goin’ down.
And what I need, is someone to save me.
Cause I am goin’ down, all the way down.”
Now it was time for my favourite part of the song, a part that all of my fans loved.

“I didn’t wanna do it, Father,
But I caught him with another woman in the bed I made him
So I put him in a grave.
And now there’s no one left around to get me off
When I want it's a drag.

The next day on the television they identified him
By the circumsicion that I made and now I’m on the run
But wait, why did I have to go and kill him
When he was the best I’d ever had?”
I smirked at the audience and they cheered wildly. I finished up the song and played a few more before sighing into the microphone.
“I’m sorry guys but that’s it from us today.” I smiled and the crowd made strange noises of disapproval. “But don’t worry, you’ve got the lovely All Time Low on next.” I smirked, sarcasm evident in my voice as I looked over at Alex. Jack ran on stage and over to my mic.

“You love me though right?” He asked with a wiggle of his brows and I nodded as I hugged him.

“See you later, Warped tour!” I exclaimed before leaving the stage. Alex gave me a blank look before going to his position on the stage.

“How you doing warped tour!?” Alex screamed into the microphone and I sighed as I realised his voice still gave me goosebumps. “I wrote this song when I was about eighteen for my lovely ex girlfriend." He smirked, I heard Jack sigh as he started up the song.

“Wide awake, my mistake so predictable.
You were fake, I was great nothing personal.

I'm walking, who's laughing now?
(Who's laughing, who's laughing now?)
I'm wasted, wasting time,
You talk for hours but you're wasting lines.
A pretty face but the chase ain't worth the prize.”
He sang as he pretty much stared at me, I just rolled my eyes softly as he continued.

“I'm gonna break your little heart,
Watch you take the fall,
Laughing all the way to the hospital.
'Cause there's nothing surgery can do,
When I break your little heart in two.”
And he was right with the song, that’s what he did, he broke my heart in two. Once they’d finished the song Alex sighed into the microphone. “And after I wrote that song.. I wrote this one, because the last one I eventually realised was a complete lie.” He said as he nodded at someone to start the song. “This one’s called Too much.” He smiled as the music started.

“I admit, I miss seeing your face babe,
And being alone is starting to take its toll,
I'm cold and it's getting old,
I admit, I should have made some changes.
We were so smothered in love,
We didn't have a chance to come up for air (No fair.)
He sang as he yet again looked at me.

“What a waste, where did the time go?
Where did our minds go? I don't know.
What's this place? Where did our home go?
We won't know, I don't know.

Too much of anything is too much,
Too much love can be too much,
We had too much time, too much us,
So we fought like tomorrow was promised
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Much, much too much”
I stared at him from where I stood. He stood in front of the audience, his eyes closed as though he was in really deep thought.

“I need to find a reason to feel,
Like everything was meant to be let go,
Take it slow, 'cause I can't be on my own."
He sang but with this being sung, his eyes instantly locked onto mine. I grabbed Jacob’s hand and ran as quickly as I could with him by my side. We quickly entered the tour bus and the rest of the band started at me as I stormed through the door.

“What’s up?” Alexis asked curiously and I just shook my head as I pressed a hand to my forehead. I grabbed her hand and dragged her into the back room.

“The songs Alex is singing are about me.” I said as I got straight to the point, her eyes widened dramatically.

“What?! The songs that we write too are also about him then?” She asked for confirmation. I nodded and she giggled a bit before sighing. “Honey, he’s got it bad for you.” She said in a sing song voice and I just laughed a little, her humour cheering me up slightly.

“Possibly.” I sighed. “He hated me before I told him how Jacob was conceived though.. Now he’s just trying to crawl up my arse.” I laughed and she nodded in agreement.

“Anyways, I’m sure you don’t like being reminded so we’ll change the subject. When’s Jacob going back home?” She asked and I sighed softly.

“Three days, going home for a couple but then he’s coming back for a while.” I smiled, I loved my son dearly. With thinking that, he came running into the room.

“Mommy! Your old friends Caitlyn and Carmen are here.” He said and I smiled as I grabbed his hand, walking quickly to the front of the bus.

“Ruby!” They exclaimed and I smiled happily as I pulled them into separate hugs. “Girl, you look fucking amazing!” They exclaimed and I giggled as I looked down at my hands, embarrassment making me blush.

“Have you seen yourselves! You’re so beautiful.” I smiled and this time it was their time to blush. I smiled softly at them both as they stared down at their feet. “Are you okay?” I asked curiously and they just sighed.

“We came here to see you, but have you seen Alex? He sped off after the last performance. He left the band on the stage and just.. Disappeared.” They said, worry evident in their voices. I slapped my hand to my head as Jacob pulled on my skirt.

“Mom, is that the Alex you knew when I was little?” Jacob asked curiously and I just smiled softly as I nodded.

“Yeah, bud.” I said as I looked back up at the twins.

“He still loves you, Ruby. I’ve never heard him talk about someone so much. He felt awful when you left.” Caitlyn said and I just simply shrugged.

“I’m sorry honey, but he’s not my problem anymore. He’s a grown boy now. And he made his decision that he didn’t want me when he left me without asking why.” I said and then disappeared into the back on the bus again. I was not going to chase after some boy that left me five years ago. It wasn’t happening.
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