Don't Go

The next morning I woke up early. I was baking bread as usual, but this time I put in more spices. I wanted to impress her with hot chocolate and delicious breakfast; hopefully it would make up for the nightmares she had.

Katniss came down the stairs in a t-shirt and pajamas. Her hair was in a tidy braid and her gray eyes swept from the loaves on the table to the mugs.

“Morning.” I said cheerfully.

“Good morning.” She said curiously. Katniss sat down across from me and I handed her a slice with butter spread on it.

“Try it; I just baked it.” I urged. I smiled when she took a bite and her eyes fluttered.

“It’s perfect.” She mouthed through bites, smiling.

“How was your sleep? You look tired.” I commented blatantly. She had dark circles under her eyes, and they were bloodshot as if she’d been crying. In fact, a lot of the time her eyes were bloodshot.

Katniss shrugged. “Great.” She said, lying through her teeth. “It was lovely.”

There she goes, trying to be a strong alpha. She’s always defending herself, never letting anyone see inside of her. That’s just how Katniss is; she’s been hurt too many times to trust anyone. She’s lost too much to give anything a chance.

“I know you’re lying.” I said coolly.

Katniss froze, knowing her ruse was up. “Just a nightmare, that’s all.” She snapped. When she saw the look on my face, she immediately regretted it. “Don’t worry about it, Peeta. It’s fine.”

I knew she was having flashbacks. I had them all the time. I couldn’t even count the number of times I gripped the back of that chair or ripped a pillow in anger. Sometimes I forgot that I loved Katniss. Sometimes I wanted to hurt her…

But I shook that off. I wanted to help her. I love her.

“They get worse later in the night, don’t they?” I asked.

Katniss froze and stared at me. “Excuse me?”

I bit my lip. “The flashbacks get more vivid at night.”

Katniss turned red. “Yeah.” She whispered, mortified.

I nodded and started putting away ingredients. “I heard you last night.” I mused. “I know, Katniss. You don’t have to hide everything from me, you know. I’ve gone through just as much as you have.” I said, almost snapping at her. I wouldn’t say I wasn’t annoyed. It seemed like Katniss always made it as if she were the only one suffering.

Katniss sighed, knowing she couldn’t run from me now that she lived with me. “Do they get any better?” she whispered.

I nodded. “They do. A lot of the time, I just remind myself that it’s okay now. I’m not in danger. They can’t hurt me anymore…they can’t take away anything else.” I said. “I have nothing else to lose.”

That was a blatant lie. The only thing I had left was Katniss, and if she ever left…well, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. The only way I could ever live without her would be if I knew she was safe with Gale. God knows I wouldn’t let that ever happen, and neither would she. As much as she loved Gale, she would never forget that his bomb theoretically killed her sister.

Katniss nodded slowly. “Nothing else to lose.” She echoed. “That’s true.” She laughed bitterly.

I awkwardly took a sip of my coffee, not knowing what to say. “Have you talked to Gale lately?” I blurted.

Oh great. That just made everything more awkward.

Katniss turned red. “No, actually. I do hear stuff from Sae though. She gets letters from him. She said he’s doing well, working a lot. He actually has friends up in District 2 now.” She said slowly. “He’s changed a lot since he left five months ago.”

I remember that day. I talked to him before he left. I saw him, that morning. He was on
Katniss’s porch, saying goodbye. She was hurt, but she still nodded and hugged him goodbye. Later in the day, I ran into him before he boarded the train to District 2.

“Hey, Gale, wait up.” I called out, running up to him. He turned around, a weird look distorting his face as he threw his bags to the ground. They must’ve been left over clothes. He’d been going to District 2 back and forth, bringing his things.

“Yeah, Peeta?” He asked gruffly.

“You’re destroying her, you know.” I said gingerly. “She needs you.”

Gale let out a soft whistle and gave me a sad look. “You’re wrong there, Bread Boy. It’s someone else she needs. I’m not good for her. Maybe…maybe we could’ve had something, but if it weren’t for her caring about you, we wouldn’t have this mess, would we?” he said.

I tilted my head. “What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.

Gale patted my shoulder in an almost brotherly fashion. “Take care of her for me, will you? I love her; I always will. But…we’re just not right for each other.” He said, shaking his head.

“Always take care of her, no matter what. I know you will. You already always have.”

I nodded as Gale boarded the train. “I will.”

“Maybe he’ll come back and visit sometime.” I said, stabbing at a piece of bread.

Katniss nodded. “I’d like to see how much he’s changed. Maybe we could go visit him up at District 2. We could stop and see my mom too.” She mentioned.

That’s when I looked up. “We?” I asked slowly.

Katniss blushed. “Well, I figured you’d want to come along. It’d be nice to have a friend to travel with. I don’t do very well travelling the districts on my own.” She cringed.

I smiled. “When do you want to go?” I asked. “We can leave whenever.”

Katniss smiled warmly. “We can go tomorrow, if you want to.” she said shyly. “Maybe we can visit Johanna and Annie too. I’m sure they’d like that.”

My heart started beating faster when she said that. Finally, I could get Katniss out and socializing with other people.

When Katniss fell asleep, I decided to visit Haymitch. The latest Capitol train was weeks away, and Haymitch was probably dry of alcohol now. The squawks of geese were evident of
that; Haymitch was actually trying to care for them.

“Hey kid.” He said gruffly. He was wearing semi-clean clothes and spreading out seed. “What are you doing up so late?”

I chuckled; sometimes Haymitch forgot we were just as much of an adult as he was. “I
wanted to run something by you.”

Haymitch stood still and turned to me, a sick twisted look on his face. “Planning on professing your love again?” he joked.

I turned red. “No…Katniss wants to get away.”

Haymitch stared at me and snorted. “Well, that’s something. That girl is always retreating in.”

I sighed. “She wants to go visit District 2 to see Gale, District 4 to see her mother and Annie, and possibly District 7 to see Johanna.”

Haymitch snorted again. “No use going to District 7; Johanna’s with Gale in 2.”

I tilted my head. “What is she doing up there?” I asked curiously.

Haymitch shrugged. “Paylor asked her to join up as a commanding officer. She’s training troops up there. Probably running those kids through hell, that little nut.” He said, amused. “Last letter I got from her, she and Gale were becoming friends. It’s the first time I’ve seen her happy to see anyone, ever. Hawthorne is wise beyond his years, and once you get past that anger in him, he’s just like her-a lonely, smart kid.”

I bit my lip; it made sense. Besides, Gale was a good looking guy, and Johanna definitely had qualities in her face…

“You don’t think they’d like each other, would you?” I asked curiously.

Haymitch shrugged. “Wouldn’t doubt it, now that he’s given up on Katniss.”

“Why do you think he’s given up on Katniss?” I asked.

Haymitch rolled his eyes. “Are you seriously that stupid, kid? What’s with all the questions? There’s obviously only one guy Katniss can live with. If he were ever to disappear, she’d be done for. That kid is you.”