This is the Calm Before the Storm

3 weeks.

I hadn’t spoken, seen or even talked about josh in three weeks. That didn’t mean I stopped thinking about him though. If anything it made me think about him more.

I just wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to hear him say my name.

I was sat in the common room by myself. everyone was in lessons, and I should have been but I just couldn’t face it. I pulled out my phone to take my mind off things but it only made it worse. I ended up on my contact list with josh’s number staring me in the face.

My finger was hovering over the call button. I knew I shouldn’t, but I needed to. I quickly pressed it and held my phone to my ear. I had with held my number so he wouldn’t know it was me, I was just hoping he would still answer it.

“Hello” I heard him say and my heart stopped. Even though it was static and crackly, he sounded so much like himself. “hello?” he said again and my breath got caught in my throat. I could feel the tears prickling and I wanted to do nothing more than to speak but before I had a chance he ended the call.

I sighed and set the phone down. Pathetic. That’s how I felt. Needy and pathetic. If josh had now finally moved on they why couldn’t I?

Next thing I knew Nora fell into the seat next to me.

“why aren’t you in lessons?” she asked.

“I could ask you the same thing”

“I’m a good student and I finished all the work” she smiled proudly. “your turn”

“I just didn’t feel like it”

“josh?”

That was the thing with Nora; I didn’t even need to tell her what was going on. She just knew.

“its ok el. Im not gonna judge you. Sure I don’t understand why you still about him after what he did to you, but I’ll try and help you the best I can”

“I guess it’s just even when he was talking to me and saying all that “I miss you” rubbish, it felt like he still liked me, like he hadn’t moved on and in some sick way he was mine. and I know I told him to leave me alone, but its like ive really lost him forever and no matter how cliché it sounds it feels like a part of me is missing” I admitted and hung my head.

I felt Nora’s arms go around me and I rested my head on her shoulder.

“you really haven’t been the same since he left you” Nora commented. “I know he meant the world to you, and I know it much sucks people saying to you to just move on when the reality is you can’t. It’s like no matter how bad people tell you they are, nothing makes a difference. I get it el.”

“I wish I could just see how awful he is. It would make this so much easier. Im just feel so confused, like I wish my mind would make itself up”

Nora chuckled lightly and went to say something, but the bell went. Everyone started piling in. Nora stayed on my right and James, surprisingly, came and sat on my left. He flung his arms around me to and the three of us sat in a big heap.

“you know” James said after a few minutes “whenever I see you two together anymore, your always hugging or like holding hands. Something you’re not telling me?” he said suggestively

“James stop being weird” Nora sighed and sat up. “I’m gong to the loo. James can I trust you to be alone with el and not be a prat?”

“I’m not promising, but for you I will try” he smiled. She shook her head, giggling softly before walking off, leaving me in James’s arms. He went to loosen his arms around me but I just pulled him back, nestling my head in his chest. “You alright there el?” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I nodded my head and tightened my arms around him.

I then caught a small of his aftershave. It was the same one josh uses. My heart gave a squeeze and my eyes began to sting. Don’t cry, don’t cry and whatever you do don’t cry I told myself, but my body didn’t want to listen. I felt my body began to shake as the teas rolled from my eyes.

“El?” James questioned and pulled back to look at me. “El hey, what’s happened?” he said whilst rubbing my back.

“I leave you for two minutes and I come back to her crying” I heard Nora say as she retuned.

“I didn’t do anything” James said trying to defend himself. I wiped my eyes furiously and began to look up.

“Im sorry its just you smell like josh. Its stupid I know” I admitted feeling utterly pathetic.

“Shit, im sorry El. Do you want me to like go change or something? I have nothing to change into but…”

“No, no don’t be stupid” I giggled, wiping the last of the teas away. “Just forget about it.” I reached into my bag and pulled out a mirror to wipe away the last of the tears and mascara that had made its way down my cheeks.

The familiar buzz of my phone went and I looked down at it expectantly. There was a text from dan and I opened it quickly.

There’s a party at mine Saturday night,
Kind of like a farewell thing before we go on tour.
It would mean a lot if you came.
Bring a few people with you if ya want.
Dan x

I texted back instantly.

Sure I wouldn’t miss it
See you soon
X



“Shit el, you look well fit” James said as soon as he caught sight of me. I giggle lightly as Nora cleared her throat from behind me. “Oh um hey love” he smiled sheepishly. “You look nice too” he chuckled and kissed her cheek. “You ladies ready?”

I dressed up extra special tonight in hopes of seeing josh tonight. A far shot I know, but I just wanted him to notice me. We both nodded and we made out way to his car. I did invite Curtis, Alana and Oscar but all three passed with Curtis and Alana already going some place else and Oscar having a family thing he couldn’t get out of.

Dan lived in a pretty big house. I had only been there a few times and each time I’d got lost. We pulled up as close to his house as we could and made out way to his house. The door was open so we just walked right inside.

“Elodiaaaa” I heard someone drunkenly call from the side of me. I turned and Dan staggered towards me and pulled me into his arms. “You made it, im so glad you’re here” I pulled back and he smiled down at me. “And if I do say so myself, you look mighty fine” he winked and I couldn’t contain my blush.

“Oh sush, that’s the alcohol talking”

“Oh yeah whatever, you want a drink?”

“Sure” I smiled and he led me off into the kitchen.

“Well, well, well, look who it is” I heard from behind me. I would be able to recognise that voice anywhere. I turned with a massive smile on my face.

“Elissa!” I squealed and threw myself into her arms. Elissa was like the older sister I never had, she was like a best friend to me and I had missed her just about as much as I was missing josh.

“Ahhh ive missed to so much” she said as we pulled apart. “How are you love?” I knew Elissa would be able to see right through me so I didn’t even attempt to lie. I just shrugged my shoulders and hung my head. “Aw love, don’t worry, I’ve told him what a prick he’s been”

I giggled lightly and looked up at her smiling face. “Thanks, I’m sure I’ll be fine soon” I said and she patted my arm. Dan cam up to us then and handed me a drink. All three of us then made out way out to where everyone else was.

Elissa got a text and excused herself for a moment, and then it was just me and dan. We talked for a bit about tour, and where they were playing when a boy came up to dan and they did the whole “bro hug” thing.

“El this is my cousin Adam Dawson, Adam this is Elodia Moore, a mate of mine” dan said introducing us.

“Nice to meet you” he smiled and held out his hand. I shook it lightly and smiled up at him.

“You too”

He was a good looking guy, but like in the opposite way to josh. josh was sweet and cute looking. the type of boy you would want to take home to your mum. where as Adam was more handsome and dangerous looking. He had long straight mousy brown hair with a blonde streak in the fringe, big brown eyes and a warm smile.

“Yo dan get your arse over here” max yelled from the other side of the room and dan excused himself leaving just me and Adam. I went to take a sip from my drink to find it was empty. I stuck my lip out and he giggled lightly.

“You want another?” he asked and I nodded before we both went into the kitchen. He got me another drink as well as one for himself, and we sat and talked for a while. I think its nice when you meet someone for the first time, but they’re so open and comfortable to be around it’s like you already know them. We were sat there for about 45 minutes before Elissa rushed in.

”there you are” she huffed and pulled on my wrist “They’re gonna do a song and josh told me you have to be at the front” she whispered.

“Why?”

“I do not know the inner workings of his mind, but lets just see what happens yeah? Lets go” she smiled a started to drag me off.

“You coming?” I asked Adam and his eyes grew even wider, but he smiled and nodded shyly, following behind me and Elissa. We went further into the lounge and Elissa got us right to the front. I felt my phone buzz in my bag and pulled it out to find a text from josh.

Just listen to the words x

I caught eyes with josh and he smiled lightly at me turning my insides to butter. Josh then looked to the side of me and caught sight of Adam. His smiled faltered a bit and he looked away before silencing everyone.

“Hey guys so um we thought we’d do a song, I hope you like it” he smiled and then Chris began to play. I looked around to try and see if I could find Stella but she was no where in sight.

“Hey, where’s Stella?” I whispered to Elissa. She pulled a face and shook her head slowly.

“She was here before. Probably shagging some guy out the back” she huffed. I bit my lip to try and contain the giggle and turned my attention back to josh. Little did I know what was about to happen.