Hiding My Heart

The day of Harry's funeral I woke up in my bed because nobody patrolled last night so we would all be able to go to the funeral. I got dressed in the best black outfit I had and waited for Embry to finish getting ready. Once he was done getting ready we walked out of the house and headed over to Sam's where we all said we would meet up.

At Sam's we all had a very quiet breakfast. It was like no one wanted to break the silence and it was killing me. The silence gave me the chance to look around and see who wasn't there. Surprise, Surprise Jake wasn't there. I wonder if he was at his house comforting Billy or if he was at Isabella's house. If he was at her house I don't think I would be able to look at him the same. Everyone is hurting at the reservation and he was with that leech lover. I can't believe that he wouldn't be with his family in our time of need. I couldn't eat anymore and quietly told Embry that I was going to go check on Billy and make sure that he is ok because even though I haven't been around his house in a while, I still look at him like he is my father.

When I got to Jake's house I didn't see his rabbit in the little garage that was in the back. This made me very angry. I can't believe him. I slowly made my way to the front door and knocked on it. When nobody answered I opened the door and walked in because I saw the light on and I used to do this all the time.

"Billy? Billy where are you? It's Anna I came to see if you needed anything. I know this is a hard time and I just wanted to be here for my favorite father like figure." I called out in a caring tone with a hint of our on going inside joke that I can't even begin to explain. I slowly walked around the house until I came into the living room and I saw Billy just sitting in his wheelchair looking out that window.

"Billy? Are you ok?" I made my way over to the man. He looked so broken and sad. I have never seen him so down since Jake's mom died when we were young. I put my hand on his shoulder letting him know I was right there and I would be here for him.

"Billy..."

"Anna I'm sorry I just don't feel like being around people right now." He said wiping a tear from his eye. I know Billy. I know when he doesn't really wanna be around people, this time he doesn't wanna be alone. He doesn't want me to leave. He was just trying to give me an out if I really didn't want to be here. An out that I guess Jacob took.

"Billy I'm not leaving you alone. I know you really don't wanna be alone. I came here because I wanted to make sure your ok." I slowly wheeled him away from the window. "Have you eaten anything lately? Here let me make you something to eat." I took brought him into the kitchen and quickly got to work.

"Anna really you don't have to be here I am fine I just need to get ready for Harry's funeral. I really am not that hungry." He said starting to wheel himself out of the kitchen.

"Billy I am making you something to eat so you will eat it. Just go get ready and the food will be done when you are ready. Should I make some extra? Is Jake coming home anytime soon?" I know full well that Jake will not be coming home soon. Not when he is with Isabella.

"Please do make some extra just in case he does come home. He should come and pick me up soon. He was just going to pick up Charlie's daughter Bella. You should know her. Jake has been spending a lot of time with her."

"Yes, Billy I know her." I said this with a frown. I get to making extra food and I just wish Jake was here with me. I wish that he would come hold me. I just need some help, I am so depressed. I know most of my depression is his fault but I still can't help it. I want him.

I hear Billy finishing up and starting to wheel himself back to the kitchen as I am putting down the food.

"Thank you, Anna. I really appreciate your help. You didn't have to do this." I can still hear the sadness in his voice but I can also here the fatherly love that he always has in his voice when he is addressing me.

"Really Billy it's no problem. You know that I think of you as a father. I love you just like you were my father. I knew you would be hurting. Also I am really really sorry that I haven't been around very much, Billy. I just can't be around Jake."

"No Anna I understand just promise that you will be around more. If you have to come when Jake is patrolling even if it is in the middle of the night. I need my little daughter like person around plus you make amazing food." We laugh and joke around until I hear a car pull up in the driveway and the big steps that I know so well.

Jake comes into the house with heavy feet and a very depressed look on his face. One that I am sure I have been wearing since he told me that he was going to tell Bella about our furry problem. I can't help but notice Isabella isn't with him. With sad eyes he looks at me and Billy and proceeds to tell us what happened.

"Bella left to go help her leech." he says this with such hatred. It hurts me to see him so upset and angry. As much as I hate it I hurt for him. I can't help but do what I do next. I stand up and pull him into a hug while he is sitting down so his head ends up landing on my chest and stroke his hair just like I used to to when he was hurting when he was little.

"Jake its going to be ok." is all I say because as much as I want to say so much crap about Isabella I know its not the time.

After a couple of minutes I look at the clock and see that we need to be at the funeral soon.

"Come on boys we need to leave now. Here, Jake, I'll drive you are not in the right mind to drive." He didn't even put up a fight he just slowly handed me the keys and took his dad out to the car.

The funeral was short and very sweet. The whole pack was there and more people. Everyone was sad and I know I wasn't the only one to shed a couple of tears. The pack plus Billy all went to Emily's house for a late lunch and just to sit and visit. It is something we really haven't done in a while. When everyone was in the kitchen eating I slipped into the living room just because I really wasn't hungry. It turns out I wasn't the only one.

Jake was in the living room just sitting on the couch. It reminded me so much of how Billy looked this morning with him looking out the window. I slowly made my way over to him. I know I should still be mad at him but I couldn't help it, I still was deeply in love with him. I just sat down and took his hand. He looked over at me and gave me a small smile.

"Anna, Thank you." And with that, for the first time in a very long time, he gave me a hug. A tight hug that made me smile and left me breathless.