Hiding My Heart

It’s been a couple days since Leah and Seth joined the Pack. Honestly I can’t believe there is another girl. I’m kinda in shock. Leah is in shock over everything so I haven’t really gotten to talk to her lately. I don’t think that I’m going to let her go though. I feel like I need another girl to lean on because being a female wolf is hard. The guys don’t understand what I’m going through but she also doesn’t understand what I’m going through with Jake.

Jake, oh Jake. He still hasn’t really talked to me since the choice I gave him. I feel completely terrible about making choose but I also feel rejected. He should have finally come to terms that his leech lover rejected him and went for the beast that broke her heart instead of the beautiful ray of sunshine that Jake is. I mean I don’t want her with him but I also don’t want him broken. As much as it kills me I would rather see him happy and with HER than depressed and broken because of her.

I get up from my bed and throw on some clothes though I don’t know why I bother because I am going out to patrol so they are just going to come off anyways. It seems like I’ve been such a loner lately. I think I am moping around. I really shouldn’t be but I am. As I walk outside I can’t help but wonder who is going to be patrolling with me because for some reason Sam decided to pump up the patrol again. He says it’s just for precautions and that he wants to make sure that everyone in town is safe but I think he has a bad feeling about what is to come.

I quickly make my way to the woods and change into my form.

“I think I should tell her about how I feel...” I hear Jake say and I feel like I shouldn’t be hearing this.

“Hey Jake,” I state without giving a hint that I heard what he was thinking.

“Oh hey Anna. I didn’t know that you had patrol now.” He had a nervous hint to his voice, like he was hoping I didn’t hear what he said.

“Yea. I didn’t know you had patrol now also. I thought you were going to be held up in your shop like you have been for the last several days.” He winced at my words but didn’t make a move to reply right away. I could here how his thoughts went to how he rejected me and the choice I gave him. I didn’t mean for my words to come out so bitter but I couldn’t help but remember that he hasn’t talked to me in forever. I didn’t want to be by him so I quickly made my way to the opposite end of the patrol zone. I hoped that he wouldn’t be hurt by my actions but that was only an after thought of what I felt.

“I took the chance to try to clear my head. Patrolling always does that for me,” he finally stated after a while.

“I understand... Why do you think I patrol all the time? It helps me think even though all the guys get angry at how ‘annoying’ I am.”
“So Anna, I know now might not be the time but the reason I spent all that time in the shop was because I was thinking and I didn’t want anyone to bother me. I was thinking about the choice you gave me. I just want to say that well I think, actually I know, I imprinted on you and I know that you imprinted on me. I know I really hurt you with the Bella fiasco and everything but I really thought about it and well I kinda realised that maybe Bella doesn’t want me. Maybe I should actually go for the girl that has been here the whole time. What I’m trying to say is. Would you like to maybe give us a try?” His words sounded true but I couldn’t help get the feeling that even though he finally admitted that he imprinted on me if Isabella came back to him he wouldn’t hesitate to drop me in a heartbeat. But was I willing to drop him? What if I said yes and he really truly discovered his feelings for me. The real ones the ones that he had for me before we ended up wolves. The ones that he was trying to act on before all of this happened. What if he realized his happily ever after finally? It was a chance I was willing to take.

“Sure Jake I’m willing to give us a try.” I pushed all of my feelings of doubt out of my mind and finally relished in the awesomeness that this moment finally presented.

“Hey guys! We are just coming to take over patrol. You can go home and sleep now,” Paul said and I could hear Jared’s thoughts in the background.

“Alright guys have fun! Oh and Jake. Come to my house tomorrow after you wake up. We have some things to talk about. Night guys!” I said and quickly ran towards the house. It was now 5 in the morning and I started patrol at around 10 last night. I was tried and the emotional rollercoaster that I was put on because of Jacob didn’t help.