A Lifetime to Struggle

San Fran.

Dear Journal, I should give you a name of some sort so I feel like I'm talking to somebody. Somebody who cares. If only I could have one of those people in real life.
Today my day was just like every other. Go to school, come home, do my homework, chat with Brian for about twenty minuets about thing's that just didn't matter. Today we talked about wild animals in Africa. I told him I loved the Zebra's, he told me he liked the Lions. He went on about liking them. How they were big and strong, how they ruled the animal kingdom. The lion's mane was his favorite part. It was always perfectly styled, and catching attention. In the end, I wasn't sure if Brian reminded me of a Lion, or if a lion reminded me of Brian. Either way, I found myself enjoying his company. And of course, I found myself looking him over again and again whenever he wasn't looking. I tried to contain myself today, but I couldn't. He was wearing a white shirt, that showed off the perfectly constructed chest he had. My eyes were glued to him. Thank god I was able to make it look like I was paying attention to our conversation.
I wish I could erase all my thought about him. It felt weird to see him like this. Why is it all of a sudden? Right after Jimmy told me Bri was looking at me differently, I formed these stupid feelings. Ugh. If Brian wasn't so hot, life would be so much easier...

I smiled to myself. I remember this conversation so well. She did look very good that day. Her wavy brown hair coming down on her chest, wearing my old favorite Avenged Sevenfold hoodie that looked so good on her, and a pair of light blue skinnies that hugged her lower half so well.
I was getting to excited just sitting here in my hotel room in San Francisco, thinking about her.
I wanted her to be here with me. Us alone together, having a romantic evening.
I closed up her journal, setting it back on top of my duffle bag. I have one month alone, to decide if I didn't wanted Harmony, or if I wanted to start a relationship with her. I made a rule to myself that I wasn't allowed to contact her in any way. No phone calls, no messaging, no post cards. Nothing. It's just me, and her journal.
I've managed to get to the 4th entry of her journal. I scored big when I grabbed this. I took it thinking there was the one entry about me, but I soon found most of them were about me. She lied when she said she wasn't one to write.
As I've determined right now, Harmony does truly love me. She'll probably be the only girl in the whole world who will love me that much. I was mad that I wasn't sure if I felt that way about her. Why do I have to think about it? I know I like her. I like her so much. I'm practically dying right now being so far away from her. I knew she'd be pissed at me, for leaving with out saying anything to her, and she'll be ever more pissed when I don't talk to her for a month.
I guess it was because I've never been put in this type of situation before. If I want to do thing's right, I have to be more sure then I've ever been.
I didn't want to ruin anything else between Harmony and I, more then they already were. I treated her horribly. I wouldn't be surprised if she wouldn't take me back after all of this has come to an end.
A small voice in the back of my head was telling me this wasn't a good idea, that I should go back to the house now and beg for forgiveness. But I ignored it. To me, this was a good idea. Probably the best idea, as bad as it sounds. But I can't risk making a mistake that could ruin everything I've worked so hard for.
I fell onto my bed, sighing deeply to myself. I already missed her lovely face, her warming smile, her stunning eyes, her contagious laugh. I missed her, and that was something I was going to feel a lot this next month. I just hope my feelings don't end up in the wrong place.

♠ ♠ ♠

Ugh, so I lied again. It's short, but I wasn't exactly sure what to add.
I really hope you guys are still enjoying this story though!
So in other news, a7xgirl2008 and I are writing another Synyster Gates story thing. I'm not sure what the name is right now, but it's a work in progress, and I'm super excited to be working on it :)
Now time for bad news; It's christmas holidays, which means I have some family to go see. I'm going to Ottawa tomorrow, to see the french side of my family (lol) so I don't think i'll be updating then. Updates will be a bit random for a week or so, but I promise i'll still get some out there for you all. I'll be doing a lot tonight though since i'm staying up really late.
Comment, subscribe if you haven't, I can't tell you to read because obviously you already are soo..
Merry early Christmas guys!