A Lifetime to Struggle

A Moment Of Bliss.

“Wasn't that bad, now was it?” I asked as Brian pulled up to the drive way of the house.
“It went a lot better than I had thought.” He replied. He turned the car off, and sat there. He didn’t do anything; He looked out of the window, not saying a word.
“You okay?” I asked, rubbing his shoulder soothingly.
“Hm? Oh, yeah. Yeah I’m fine. I’m just thinking.” He replied. I could hear it in his voice that he was thinking. His voice was hushed, and slow.
“About?” I asked. I started running my hands through his hair, knowing he found it comforting.
“Everything.” He replied in the same tone.
I sighed, but not in the fed up way. More of an ‘I understand’ type of way. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He turned to face me. His gaze was soft, and a small smile was placed on his lips. “I love you.”
My mouth turned into a smile all on its own. My heart fluttered, and my stomach did tricks. Three little words that could change my mood without a problem.
“I love you too.” I replied. I rested my hand on his cheek, and brushed my thumb on the little hair stubbles.
Brian pressed his lips lightly on mine. It reminded me of the time we were lying on the couch, and he asked to try the same thing he was doing now. A kiss that was full of passion, but wasn’t out of control.
He pulled away from me, an even bigger smile on his face than before.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked, a small laugh following.
“I’m sure.” Brian replied. We both got out of the car, and he came around grasping my hand in his.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He said. I stopped walking, finding the words like a big smack in the face.
“I know that’s a lot to say,” He stated quickly, realizing how extreme it sounded. “And I know you’re not ready for that. But I know I am ready for it. I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you. I have faith that one day we will end up growing old together, even if it takes you a few years to feel that way. It’s been on my mind for a while lately, and I just felt the need to tell you.”
I gave Brian a half laugh. “How are you so sure about these things?” I asked.
“Well...” He started. He sat down on the few steps that lead to the door, and pulled me down beside him. “When you’re in love, you feel almost sure of anything.” He leaned forward, resting his crossed arms on his knees, looking out onto the black sky. “You feel invincible. Unstoppable. Happy. Everything you feel just blends into this one feeling, that... I can’t even explain. But you feel like something is going to happen, and I feel, that we’re going to spend our lives together.”
I looked at Brian, whose attention was still fixed on the dark sky. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t feel that feeling Brian was talking about. I mean, I do love him. I know I love him. But I didn’t feel all the hope he did. I guess I wasn’t one to think like that. I liked to live in the moment. To not think about what was yet to come.
“That’s kind of romantic, Honey.” I said, smiling.
“You think so? Good. I worked hard on that.” I laughed and playfully punched him in the shoulder, before sliding my arms under his, and leaning my head on the shoulder I just punched.
We sat there in silence, both of us gazing out on absolutely nothing. This moment was so peaceful, I didn’t want it to end. Just like every time I’m with Brian.
“Do you wanna do something?” He asked, his voice hushed.
“Like what?” I asked.
“Walk on the beach.”
I nodded. Brian stood up, pulling me up with him. We didn’t bother getting into his car. We lived just down the road from the beach. When in California right? We silently strolled down the road, hand in hand. It was one of those times where you didn’t need words to describe your feelings.
Our hands swayed, while our feet led us to the beach. Before I knew, I could hear the sounds of the ocean waves crashing against the shore. The smell of salty sea filled my nose. I’ve never felt so close to home before. Brian and I slid off our shoes, letting our toes curl in the sand. We walked down to the edge of the water, our feet’s now soaking. We walked farther down, letting the silence fill in for everything we could be saying. I laced my fingers through the spaces between his, and leaned my head on his shoulder. This moment was nothing less of perfect.
“You know... If I had a rose right now, this would probably be a lot more romantic.” Brian said.
“I think it’s perfect.” I replied, with a laugh. Brian pulled me into his arms, and pushed his lips on mine.
My whole body melted. The way I felt right now, was something I’ve never felt like before.
For once, I felt whole. I felt like I was standing on top of the world. Invincible I guess you could call it.
I felt the faith Brian was talking about earlier. I felt the confidence in us.
I felt absolutely, perfect.

♠ ♠ ♠

I love this chapter. Is that weird?
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