I'm Not Leaving Without You

“How have things been going with him? I mean, I know that you are ready to start a family and he is more laid back on the idea.”

I sighed and brushed my hand through my hair. “Well, I’m not going to force the idea on him. Zack will come around when he is ready and I will be ready then too, Val. I just have to be patient. He and I aren’t even married yet so I understand where he is coming from. So I will just wait until Zack is ready. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to push the idea, he has to know that this is something I really want.”

“I get what you mean. Matt wasn’t ready for that at first, especially not with all the fans and the fame and all of that. But after we sat and talked about it, he was set on the plan! Matt was all over not using a condom and having sex all the time!” Val giggled slightly. “You know how ecstatic he was when he found out I was pregnant. The man couldn’t contain his joy!”

I smiled, remembering the moment she was referring to. We were all at their house for Matt’s and Brian’s birthday barbeque when she announced the news. Matt started to cry with joy and he jumped around. He pretty much did everything. We were all so happy for the two, and we’re all excited to have the first Avenged baby in six months. March seventh is the due date.

I felt a pang of jealousy stab my heart. I wanted to have a baby so badly and Val was going to have one in about six months. Of course I am excited for her but I am also envy. I know that isn’t a good thing but I can’t help it.

“Hey Val, I’m going to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye Becka; stay out of trouble! Talk to you later,” Val said before I hung the phone up. I put my phone into my jeans back pocket as I got off of the couch and walked up the stairs. I went to Zack’s office and walked up to him, leaning forward and wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Hey babe,” he breathed as he saved his work and put the computer on hibernation. I smiled and turned him around in his swivel-chair so that he was facing me; I sat on his lap and connected our lips. Zack’s ice cold snake-bites added a different flavor to our kiss and I loved it. His kisses were always passionate, strong, hot, and addictive. They were the best kisses one could ask for. He is the best.

“Zack, I love you and I never want to lose you. Please don’t ever leave me; I have no clue what I would do. You are my world. You’re the reason I came back to California. You’re the reason that I fought to survive while I was in Seattle. Zacky, you complete me,” I mumbled as I stared into his emerald orbs. I meant every word that I just said to him.

Zack wrapped his colorful arms around me and pulled me in closer, squeezing me tightly. “I love you, Becka. I always will, no matter what.”

“Zee,” I whispered into his ear lightly. “I want to have your children. You know I do. It’s everything that I could ask for, to have a family with you. To have a family with my love, that is.”

Zacky pulled me away and stared into my eyes, a serious expression on his lovely face. I pouted, knowing what he was about to say. I brought my hand up to his face and rubbed my thumb across his cheek. “Baby, you know how I feel about having kids right now. You’re making it worse on yourself.”

I huffed and rolled my eyes, giving him a scowl. “I may know but I still don’t understand! You say it’s because some stupid paparazzi or because we aren’t married yet? Matt and Val are having kids and they are equally famous as you are, Zack! That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it! So is not being married! That can easily be fixed! We don’t even need to be married; lots of couples have kids without being married! If you want me to quit asking, then explain!”

Zack sighed and looked me in my eyes. His read sorrow while mine read frustration. I knew I was probably attacking him on this but he was being unfair. Zee knows what having kids means to me. It’s always been a dream of mine to be a mother. I know Zacky will make a damn good father too. So I honestly don’t see why he is so hesitant on having little Bakers running around!

My boyfriend sighed with frustration as he looked at me. What was running through his mind, I couldn’t tell you, but he chose his next words carefully. “Becka, baby, it’s not only those two things. Yes, I think we should get married before having kids, and yes I think that paparazzi wouldn’t leave the kid alone if we had one. It wouldn’t be fair to our child. But I also think that we need to save up and make sure we are prepared to have kids. I don’t want to be a fuck up dad. You know that.”

I huffed and looked into his eyes. I instantly felt bad for starting a fight with Zack. I knew I was instigating by asking him yet I didn’t care. I can be such an asshole.

I know how Zack feels about being a perfect father. Even though I think he will make a perfect dad, he disagrees. Zee wants to be there for the child’s life every minute but he knows he can’t do that if he is on tour. That’s what scares him, having to leave me and the baby alone. There’s no way in hell he would be glad about that but he also knows that he would have to do it. Zack is just nervous that the kid won’t like him, it scares him to death. I know it does. It’s a crazy fear because everyone loves Zacky, but he’s frightened by the thought.

“I know, babe, I know. I’m sorry. I know how you feel about it. I’ll just wait until you are ready. I know I will be ready then. You just say when.” I pressed my lips fiercely against his to prove my point. I could wait for eternity for Zack, it didn’t matter how long. I loved him and if that meant I would have to wait four more years to have kids, so be it. He is worth every second.