Finding Calix

Tom’s POV.

I rolled over angry that I was being woken up. I opened my eyes to find I was in a car, the rental car. I had one moment of peace before it all came back to me, Calix, the kid. And it was at that second that I once again felt the depression hit, the same awful ache I felt six years ago when I realized she was gone.

I grinned as I walked in the house. Oli was sitting on the couch and I could hear Mum in the kitchen cooking something. I walked straight upstairs to the bedroom expecting to find Calix on her laptop with her head phones on bobbing her head to the music, as she so often did. Instead I found the room empty, the bed made. I looked around for her laptop or a note or something but found nothing, not even her clothes. It was all gone; it was like she had never been here. I ran down the stairs already beginning to panic.

“Hey Olleh, have yeh seen Calix?” I asked from where he sat on the couch.

“No, why, wha’s ‘appened?” he asked catching the worried tone to my voice.

“She’s gone.” I said and he shrugged.

“Maybeh she jus’ went out.” He suggested but I shook my head.

“And taken all her shi’ wif her?” I asked my panic rising and his eyebrows furrowed.

“’Ave yeh tried callin her mate?” He asked and I shook my head pulling out my phone. I dialed her number and it went straight to voicemail. She must have it off. I shook my head at Oli.

“I’ll go an look feh her, an you stay ‘ere and call the boys, see if she went teh one of em.” He said getting up grabbing his keys and putting on his jacket. He left and I started calling the guys. None of them had seen her, an hour later Oli came back in and when I looked at him with hope and he shook his head at me. My heart dropped to my feet, I walked upstairs to our my room and looked around for anything some kind of note or something to explain where she’d gone. The only thing I found was a small note on the desk. In her artistic script it read
I’m Sorry
-Calix.
And with those two words my heart shattered. I crawled into my bed; I could still smell the odd mixture of Roses, and Rain that she always smelled of. I loved it, but I new soon it would be gone completely and all I’d be left was with a note, and dream like memories that I would begin to question were real at all. I felt a crushing weight on my chest and felt like I couldn’t breathe.

After that I stayed in my bed for a week before Mum, Ian, and Olleh finally made me get out of the bed. They made me go to school and start putting my life back together with the broken pieces she left me. But there was always a piece missing, the part that made me feel whole, that put the life in my pictures, that put sunshine in my day. I was never the same; the first three years were the worst. I began drinking away the pain, I barely even remember those three years. Then once I finally stopped drinking I tried REALLY putting my life together. I stopped the drinking and started moving on. Things got better, but there was still something missing… someone missing. Eventually I was able to smile again, and the guys were happier, so I kept the fake smile on all the time. I thought about her every day. And now a new troubling thought was occurring. Did I have a kid? A kid I didn’t even know about, until today. A hand suddenly waved in front of my face and I found Olleh staring at me.

“Hey, hey are yeh in there Tommeh?” he said and I shook my head.

“Yeh, sorry mate.” I said and stood up; I walked numbly to the bus and went to get on it when Olleh grabbed my shoulder stopping me.

“Oh no, yeh goin to tell meh wha’ ‘appened in tha’ store.” He said and I sighed before recapping what happened. His eyes went wide here and there and I sighed once I was finally finished telling him.

“I let her go again.” I told him defeated.

“Maybeh its feh the betteh Tommeh.” He told me and my eyes went wide.

“Wha’ do yeh mean?” I asked confused as to how her walking away again was for the better.

“I mean, are yeh realleh readeh teh be a Dad?” he asked and I glared.

“Well, I don’ know, but wha’ I do know is tha’ if tha’ kid is somefin I created then I sure as ‘ell will take care of it!” I said getting mad.

“Well yeh don’ even know if it is yeh kid, so we don’ need to worreh about it.” He said and I shook my head.

“The kid is mine, yeh di’nt see his eyes.” I told him as I remembered watching my own eyes staring at me as the love of my life walked away for the second time.

“Yeh and his brown hair is the same shade as yeh’s. Well almost, it’s got red tone’s jus’ like his Mums, but I still have meh doubts. ” Olleh said and I looked at him confused.

“Wha’?” He asked me.

“Yeh neveh saw the kid or Calix feh tha’ matteh. How do you know wha’ they look like?” I asked confused and his eyes went wide.

“Uh, yeah I did. I saw them when they ran out.” He said awkwardly.

“Yeh lyin Olleh.” I said and my eyes squinted at him in confusion.

“Wha’ no I’m not!”

“Yeh are, wha’ are yeh not tellin me?” I asked and he sighed heavily.

“Good god I neveh thought I’d have the tell yeh this. I fought she was outteh yeh life.” He said and I glared.

“Tell meh what?” I asked

“A year ago we were doin a show and Jonah and I were walking around. We came across this small park and we sat down on a bench to eat whateveh it was we had. And all the sudden I saw these startlingly familiar blue eyes, then I saw the bird he was wiff and I knew it was her and I knew the kid was yours. But you were just starting to get over her, and what if she didn’t want you back, or in the kids life. Then I would jus’ beh rippin’ open an almost healed wound. I didn’t want the see yeh in any more pain. So I didn’t tell yeh.” He said and I just stared at him speechless. He knew for a year, A YEAR! He knew I had a kid and didn’t even tell me. I just turned and got in the bus and crawled into my bunk, not wanting to do something I would regret. Like punch him in the mother fucking face.

“Tommeh, Tommeh aren’t you gonna talk to meh?” He asked and I turned around and glared.

“I wouldn’t even know what to say.” I said turning back around and closing my eyes. I went over the trip to the store again trying to burn both of their faces into my head, just in case I’d never see them again. I had a son, an adorable sarcastic, mischievous son. And I had that beautiful boy with the most gorgeous girl I’d ever met. And I’d let that all run away from me. As I layed there in my bunk reliving old memories, I felt that crushing weight and breathlessness rear its ugly head once again.