Finding Calix

Normal POV (Calix).

I walked up to the bus and went to open it, only to have it open and have someone jump onto me.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t. I love you Mommy, I love you so much! Please forgive me!” Mason cried and I felt my heart break. I set him down on his feet and bent down to eye level.

“What are you talking about?” I asked him confused.

“I didn’t mean what I said in the car I promise.” He said tears streaming down his face.

“Honey what are you talking about?”

“I didn’t really mean I hate you.” He burst into tears and sobbed even louder. I shook my head and gently rubbed his back once he stopped crying I pulled him back and looked him in the eyes.

“Listen to me. Of course I know you didn’t mean that, and I know you love me. Sometimes when were upset we say things we don’t mean. So don’t worry about it.” I told him wiping off his tears.

“I really didn’t mean it.” He sniffed and I smiled.

“I know baby, I know.”

“I love you Mama.” He said wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me into a hug.

“I love you too Mason, with everything I’ve got in me. I love you as much as one million Hershey kisses.” I told him and he grinned.

“I love you one million red starbursts.” He told me and I kissed his forehead.

“I’ve got good news for you.” I told him and he grinned.

“What?” he said excitedly.

“Well you’ll just have to wait and find out. It’s a surprise.” I said and he pouted. I picked him up and carried him inside the bus, where I was bombarded with questions of are you alright, and how are you feeling.

“I feel fine guys, thanks for worrying and for waiting for me.” I said and they all smiled.

“No problem!” Jack said and I grinned.

“Although we might want to get going if we want to get there before the next show is over.” I said they nodded before dispersing. Once they were gone I turned to Mason.

“Is Aunt Scout back there?” I asked him gesturing to the back, he nodded.

“Okay can you stay back here and hang out with the guys for a bit while I go talk to her?” I asked and he once again nodded before running over to Kyle. I walked to the back and opened the curtain to her bunk. She turned and looked at me before taking her ear bud out.

“Hey, you’re back.” She said and I nodded.

“I just wanted to tell you that you were right about pretty much all of it. And I wanted to thank you for finally giving me the kick in the ass I needed. I know that saying that couldn’t have been easy for you.” I said and saw her breath a sigh of relief.

“Oh I’m so glad you feel that way, because I’ve felt so bad about it. And I wouldn’t have been able to abandon you and Mason!” she said and I laughed.

“Don’t feel bad, I needed to hear it. And I will have you know that once we get to the next venue I’m going to go talk to him.” I said and felt a small flicker of fear run through me.

“I’m really proud of you Cal; I know you can do this. It’s going to be difficult but I know you can do this.” She said and I smiled.

“Thank you.”

****************************************************************************

I looked at the Bring Me the Horizon bus and felt so nervous I could vomit. We had made it to the venue with just enough time to find everyone packing up. I had decided to wait until we got the next venue, to give both myself and Tom some time. Well, now that time was up and I needed to get this over with. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door. It was opened by none other than Oli, who glared at me.

“Wha’ do yeh want?” He asked I frowned not understanding the hostility.

“Hey Oli… it me.” I said and his glare got meaner.

“I know it’s you Calix, but tha’s not wha’ I asked. I asked wha’ yeh want.” He said and I looked down.

“I-I want to talk to Tom.” I stuttered.

“Don’t yeh think yeh ‘ave caused him enough pain?” he said and I nodded.

“Look Oli, I know everything I did was awful but I’m trying to make it right, to explain.” I told him.

“Do you really think that opening up old wounds is a good idea” he said and another voice came from the back.

“What’s going o…” Nicholls said coming to the door, he stopped when he saw me.

“Calix? Wha’ are yeh….how… wha’ are yeh doin ‘ere?” he asked at a loss for words.

“I’m here to talk to Tom.” I said and Nicholls turned to Oli.

“Let her in Olleh, although he’s in a righ’ fowl mood.” Nicholls said and Oli glared, but opened the door anyway. I walked inside and could feel his glare burning into the back of my head. I walked toward the bunks and as I did I knew everyone in the bus was staring at me. I went to the bunk area and walked over the only bunk with the curtains closed. He must’ve heard me walking because the second I stopped outside his bunk he said, “Go away.” His voice was so broken and raw that it made me want to cry.

“I can’t, there are some things that we need to talk about.” I said in a small voice and the curtain was pulled back so swiftly it almost gave me whiplash.

“Please don’t tell me I’m dreaming.” He said his eyes hopeful.

“You’re not dreaming.” I said and he hopped out of the bunk grabbing me and pulling me into a hug.

“God I missed you.” He said and I felt myself melting into him, but I couldn’t allow myself to do that. I was here for Mason, and to explain everything, I wasn’t here to get back together with him (no matter how much I missed him too). I pulled away with a sigh.

“Tom we need to talk.” I said and his eyes suddenly grew angry.

“Maybeh yeh could ‘ave said tha’ six years ago before yeh left.” He said angrily.

“You’re right I should have, but I didn’t and I can’t change the past.” I said then sighed.

“Look could we maybe go and talk about this outside, or something?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah sure, I’ve waited six years feh an answer I guess I can wait another minute.” He said and began walking outside, I followed. We ended up sitting outside of the bus, he was staring at me, waiting for me to talk I’d assume, and I was looking around, not sure what to look at exactly.

“Why’d yeh do it Calix?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.

“There were a bunch of reasons, none of them a good enough excuse.” I said and he nodded as if to say damn straight.

“Was it because of the… the kid.” He asked and I sighed.

“Yes, part of it was because of Mason…” I said but he interrupted me

“What’s his full name?” he asked.

“Mason Jordan Sykes.” I said and he smiled lightly.

“You gave him my middle and last name?” he asked and I nodded.

“When can I see him” he paused for a minute, “I can see him, right?”

“Yes you can see him, but we need to talk about some things first.” I told him.

“Okay… Well you leaving is in the past, and now that you’re back and I have a kid, its time to move on and get over it. I don’t want to know why you left, why you didn’t even tell me about the fact that I have a kid. I just want to meet him and get to know him.

“Y-you don’t want to know…?” I asked confused, I had expected him to press me for answers, then for him to yell at me, but I should have expected this. Tom never really was one to yell, he was the type of guy who just told you he was disappointed in you, which may have been worse.

“No I don’t, not yet anyways, I’d rather talk about whatever it is we need to talk about so I can go properly meet my kid.” He said and I nodded.

“Well you already said you want to be in his life, and I want you too as well. I want him to have his father around. I just don’t know how you want to do this. I mean the tour is only about another two months, and that’s hardly enough time to catch up on five years of his life…” I said and he nodded.

“And you can’t just lift him out of his life wherever you guys live and bring him to Sheffield.” He said reading my mind as he always could.

“M-maybe you could come stay with us at our apartment, we have a couch you can crash on, it probably won’t be very comfortable but it’s a place to stay…” I said and he nodded.

“That would be great.” he said and I nodded.

“Well he already knows that you’re his dad. He figured that out after the trip to the store.” I said and he nodded.

“It’s the eyes, that’s how I knew.” He said and I nodded.

“Yeah he looks just like you.” I told him with a small smile.

“Well he has red tones to his hair, kinda like yours; I like your natural color by the way.” He said and I smiled.

“Thanks, well that was all I had to talk about so… if you want we can go see him.” I suggested awkwardly and he nodded excitedly. I had expected this conversation to go a lot worse. Honestly I think most people in my position would set up some ground rules, you know do’s and don’ts but Tom was a good guy and could always feel boundaries and which ones not to disturb.

“Let’s go.” I said and went to get up but he grabbed my hand stopping me.

“Wait… I still have one question. What about us?” he asked and I felt like crying because of what I was about to tell him.

“I can’t Tom, I have to worry about Mason; he’s my main priority right now. I don’t want to confuse him any more than he already is.” I said and watched as he nodded sadly. I felt my heart shatter into pieces.

“I’m so sorry Tom.” He shrugged.

“Lets just go see him okay.” He said and dropped my hand like I had the plague. We walked to our bus and went inside. Scout’s jaw dropped as she saw me walk in with Tom following close behind.

“Hey is Mason in the back?” I asked her and she shook her head.

“He’s out with Kyle; they’re watching PTV’s set, hey Tom.” She said and Tom waved and smiled but both looked stiff and forced.

“Alright, well I’ll go get him, Tom you can stay and catch up with Scout.” I said and walked off the bus before either one could protest.

Toms POV.

I sat down on the couch next to Scout. I always liked Scout, she was nice, and funny. Although Olleh liked her a lot more, he’d had a crush on her since she came for Christmas the year Calix was there. She smiled at me sympathetically.

“So how are you handling all of this?” she asked and I frowned.

“I don’t know, it’s all kind of confusin’ and I just don’t know how to act. But um about this Kyle guy, is he Calix’s boyfriend?” I asked, I can’t help it, it hurts that Calix doesn’t want me back. She obviously didn’t miss me as much as I missed her. Now I’m starting to wonder if she ever even loved me, or cared. If she did then you think she would’ve wanted to be together again. I feel like I’ve wasted five years of my life agonizing over a girl who didn’t even love me. I feel like all of it was pointless.

“Kyle? No Calix, hasn’t had a boyfriend since she left you. I know it may not seem like it but she doe…did love you. A lot, it broke her when she left.” Scout said and I laughed bitterly.

“It’s not like anyone made her go. She chose to, and her heart wasn’t the only one that was shattered.” I said and she nodded and the door to the bus opened. Calix walked in carrying Mason in her arms. They stopped and she set him on his feet and he turned to look at me with my own eyes. I stood up and walked over to him. What the hell am I supposed to say, shit I should’ve thought about this.

“Hi, I’m Mason.” He said and stuck out his hand, I stared at it dumbfounded.

“I’m Tom.” I said and shook it.

“Mommy says we have the same middle name.” he said with a grin

“Yup we do buddy, I fink its pretteh cool.” I told him.

“Me too, oh and sorry about running into you the other day.” he stated looking down sheepishly. I laughed and he looked up.

“Its okay kid, I’ve done a lot worse at the market. One time meh Mum took me and meh brotheh Olleh with her and we knocked over a huge bin of oranges, she made us pick em all up.” He laughed lightly.

“Why do you talk so funny?” He said a little confused and Calix blanched.

“Oh my god Mason, that was really rude, apologize please.”

“No its okay, I’m from England so I talk a lil different, but can I tell yeh a secret kid, teh me you talk funny too.” he shook his head as if that was inconceivable.

“I do not! Tell him Mommy!” he demanded and I grinned.

“I can’t tell a lie Mace.” Calix said and I smiled lightly at her.

“Who says?” Mason asked and I laughed.

“That’s a good question…” Calix said.

“Yeh mum tha’s ‘oo.” I said and he shook his head.

“Not a word.” He said and I chuckled. I hesitated lightly before I picked him up. I didn’t know if Calix would be okay with it or him for that matter. But as it seems
neither of them objected so I sat on the couch and set him next to me.

“So when’s your birthday kid?” I asked him and he grinned.

“I just turned five, my birthday is on August 19th.” He said and my eyes got wide as I turned back to Calix.

“…He was...August 19th?” I asked and she smiled sheepishly and nodded.

“Yeah he was, and if you want an interesting tidbit, he was born precisely on time, the exact day they predicted.” She answered and I nodded.

“It would seem we have the same birthday.” I told Mason whose eyes went wide as mine had done previously.

“THAT’S SO COOL!” he yelled and I agreed.

“Hey Mason would you like to go with…your dad while I go get some pictures?” Calix asked hesitating momentarily.

“Yes!” he said before smiling at me. Calix nodded before going to the back of the bus and returning with her camera. It was good to know she hadn’t given up photography. I know she always talked about how talented I was and how I was so much better than her but I would disagree. She was one of the most talented photographers I’d ever seen. She walked over to Mason and kissed his forehead then started to lean towards me before she caught herself and stood. She smiled and everyone could feel the awkward tension in the room.

“Uh you guys can go do whatever you want, just make sure he’s okay and have him back twenty minutes before bus call…please.” She said and I nodded.

“Scout this means you officially get a break from Mason sitting.” Scout grinned.

“Oh I could get used to this.” She said and we all laughed.

“Bye Mom.”

“Bye Mason, be good for your dad.” She said without hesitating this time.

“I’ll see you later Tommy.” She said using my old nickname before blushing and practically ran out of the door. I smiled lightly and Scout grinned.

“Uhhh and I’m related to that.” Scout said and I laughed.

“Hey Mason, would yeh like to meet some of friends of mine?” I asked and he nodded. I stood and he jumped off of the couch, we waved to Scout then exited the bus. I knew the guys would still be on the bus so I picked up Mason and headed in that direction.

“I can walk on my own you know sir.” He said and I shook my head, he’s just like his mother.

“I figured but I also figured that you wouldn’t exactly enjoy being trampled by crazy warped fans.” I said and he shrugged.

“To die would be an awfully big adventure.” He quoted and I raised an eyebrow.

“Peter pan, I like it.” I said and he shrugged.

“Mom made me watch it, said something about how it gives a good message. I don’t really get that, it’s not possible to fly so how does it give people a good message?” he ranted and I shook my head. He was too young to understand that the message wasn’t kids can fly, it was to always have faith and trust and to never loose the inner kid inside you. I had to explain that to Calix years ago because she had thought the same thing when we were 18.

“So did mommy really have blue hair, because I think it was just a wig?” he asked making a face.

“Oh she di’nt jus’ ‘ave blue ‘air she ‘ad blue, green, yellow, orange, I fink she even ‘ad purple once.” I told him and his eyebrows rose.

“Yeh mum was kinda strange.” I laughed and he grinned.

“She still is.”
“Is tha’ so?” I asked and he nodded and I stopped as we were at the bus.

“Okay readeh?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.

“Unless I’m about to meet anyone from Avenged Sevenfold, my favorite band by the way, then I think were good.” He said and I raised an eyebrow. Avenged is not normally the average five year olds favorite band, but I’m not surprised at all. Avenged has always been a big inspiration to Cal. I walked over to the bus door and went inside. The guys were all laughing at something on the couch…well all except Oli. I don’t understand why he thinks he has the right to sulk, not when it’s me that has been in pain for the last five years and when he finds out that I have a kid and he doesn’t think that might be crucial to tell me. No he doesn’t get to act like the wounded puppy in this situation, I won’t feel bad and I won’t apologize.

“Hey Tom.” Nicholls said when he noticed me and Mason.

“Hey Nicholls, I wanted yeh teh meet meh son. Guys this is Mason.” I said and they all looked at the kid in my arms.

“Whoa…” was all anyone said.

“Mason this is Matt Kean, Lee Malia, Jona Weinhofen, Jordan Fish, and Matt Nicholls, who we just call Nicholls.” I told him and he grinned.

“Do you guys talk funny too?” he asked and they all busted out laughing.

“Mos’ likely, I guess it depends on yeh definition of funneh.” Lee said and they all nodded.

“Yep you definitely talk funny, I’m almost starting to feel left out.”

“Well now we know feh sure he’s yeh son Tommeh.” Matt said and I laughed.

“So are yeh goin’ teh introduce ‘im teh Olleh?” Jona asked and I rolled my eyes.

“Who’s Olleh?” he asked mimicking Jona’s accent.

“…My brova..” I said and he looked at me curiously.

“So he’d be my…uncle right?” he asked and I nodded.

“Sweet where is he.”

“Uh…maybe we’ll meet ‘im lateh.” I said and he pouted.

“Oh come on kid, don’ pout, it makes it even harder to say no.” I groaned and he smirked before turning my own eyes on me.
“Firs’ step to bein’ a good parent is learnin’ ‘ow teh say no.” Lee grinned and I once again found myself rolling my eyes.

“Pwease.” Mason begged and I groaned.

“Fine.” I said turning to the guys who were all trying not to laugh.

“Where is he?” I asked

“Bunk.” I sighed and set Mason down on the ground bending down to eye level.

“I want yeh teh stay ‘ere wif’ the guys.” I told him and he nodded. I turned taking a deep breath before facing the beast.

“Olleh get yeh arse out of this bed.” I said pulling the curtain open.

“Why the fuck would I do tha’!” He said barely glancing in my direction.

“So yeh can come meet meh son feh real yeh wanker” I said and he glared.

“Why the ‘ell would I want teh to tha’?” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“Because although I may beh pissed at yeh, meh son wants teh meet his uncle so get yeh arse up!” I said and he rolled his eyes before getting out of the bunk and following me out into the main area. Once Mason saw him his eyes went wide.

“DEAR GOD! That’s a lot of tattoo’s mister. Did they hurt?” He asked running over to Oli and reaching up trying to reach them even though there was absolutely no chance. Oliver looked at the kid, at me then back at Mason before he picked him up. As Mason poked at the tattoos he answered him.

“Eh, they weren’t tha’ bad, twinged a bit.” He said and laughed at how shocked Masons face was.

“Wait till all of my friends find out how tatted my uncle is, I bet that’ll get Tj to stop messing with me.” He said triumphantly and I narrowed my eyes, as did the rest of the guys.

“Who’s Tj?” I asked and he looked at me sheepishly as if just realizing he spilled the beans. He shook his head and I raised an eyebrow.

“Do yer mum know about Tj?” I asked and he smiled apprehensively then nodded although all of us could tell he was lying. I sat down next to Oli, resolved to get down to the bottom of this Tj business, and it would seem that everyone else was on the same page.