Mistakes We Wouldn't Learn From

[Alex]

I watched Zack as he walked away from me, going over to a little tented area behind the venue. I had finally gotten him alone to talk to him properly, instead of just blubbering out an “I’m sorry” as Rian pushed me away from him. I trudged back to the van and sat in the middle, sighing and resting my head in my hands.

I heard the van door shut and looked up to see that Jack had climbed in. He smiled sympathetically at me and sat down next to me. “So you finally got to talk to Zack alone?” he asked.

“Yeah, finally,” I nodded.

“How did it go?”

“I said sorry like fifteen more times, admitted that I’m a stupid asshole, and told him I love him no matter what. And he just seemed upset and walked off to be alone,” I sighed.

Jack shrugged, “He’s got a lot to think about, you can’t blame him for wanting to be alone. You’d do the same with him.”

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t have caused this mess in the first place – that’s the problem,” I groaned, putting my head back in my hands. “I don’t know why he puts up with me. I’m such an asshole.”

“Pretty much.”

“Thanks, Jack,” I said dryly, and he chuckled.

“I’m teasing. You’re a great boyfriend to him – haven’t you noticed how much he’s changed for the better since you’ve been with him? The only time you’ve been an asshole is when you’ve been drinking. Just stop drinking at parties, and voilà – problem solved,” Jack said simply.

“Oh, trust me, I’m never drinking more than a few sips of alcohol ever again,” I said, looking up at him.

“Good. I’ll do the same, if it helps you out. We’ll make sure neither of us drinks anything,” he offered.

“Sounds good to me; you do some pretty stupid stuff at parties too,” I said with a small smirk.

“Not as stupid as you!”

“True,” I admitted, nodding. I frowned suddenly, “I thought you were mad at me like the others are.”

“I’m disappointed in you, but I know it was a mistake. You’re not mean enough to hurt Zack like that on purpose. Plus you’ve been so miserable, I couldn’t stand watching you suffer alone anymore. That’s just too cruel. Zack’s got everyone by his side, and I think you deserve at least your best friend,” Jack said.

I smiled, reaching out and hugging him tightly, “You’re the best, Jack.”

“I know,” he grinned, hugging me back.

--------------------

I had trouble falling asleep that night, but I finally fell asleep after an hour of tossing and turning. My sleep didn’t last very long though, because I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. I yawned as I sat up a little, stretching. I had been lying on Jack’s bony shoulder. It was dark outside, the only light coming from the street lights. The moon was covered up by the clouds.

All I could hear in the van was everyone else’s snoring and breathing. I checked my phone and saw that it was four in the morning. Ugh, why had I woken up at this hour? I shut my phone and laid against Jack’s shoulder again, trying to fall asleep again. I couldn’t slip back into sleep for some reason. I had a weird feeling in my gut, like something was wrong. Finally, I sat up, looking around the van in the dim light. Matt was sleeping in the passenger seat with his hat over his eyes and his feet up on the dashboard. Evan and Grieco were asleep in front of Jack and I. I turned around to look behind me, and that’s when I realized what was wrong. Rian was the only one in the back seat – Zack was gone.

I immediately panicked, getting up to open the van door as quietly as possible. Why wasn’t Zack in the van? He was there when I fell asleep a few hours ago. I shut the door and walked around the van, cussing under my breath as I stepped on a rock. I was barefoot because I hadn’t bothered to find my shoes. That didn’t matter right now though – I needed to find Zack. No matter how mad he was at me, that wasn’t going to stop me from making sure he was okay.

As I walked around looking for Zack, the only thing I could think of was that he was hiding somewhere, cutting or something. He hadn’t cut in months – not since long before we left for tour. I didn’t know if he even had a razor with him, but I knew that this situation was enough to make him stressed and want to cut. I had learned that from our first fight.

I felt my heart racing as I looked around the venue, not able to find him. It was windy outside, making it pretty cold for Florida. I suddenly thought of something and ran over to the back of the venue, to the tented area Zack had gone to earlier. Sure enough, there he was, lying on the bench asleep. I sighed in relief, before looking at his arms closely. They didn’t have any marks on them – that was good.

I reached out hesitantly to touch his arm, and he was freezing. How was he sleeping out here in this cool wind? I unzipped my favorite hoodie and laid it on top of Zack, not wanting him to freeze to death. He obviously didn’t want to sleep in the van if he was out here, so the least I could do was give him my hoodie to keep him warm.

I stood there for a moment before deciding that I should probably go back to the van. I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek lightly, not wanting to wake him up and have him get upset with me. I looked back at him one last time as I walked to the van, then shut the door behind me as I climbed inside. I could sleep well now that I knew Zack was safe.