A Love Like War

Our band played together happily (and somewhat successfully) all the way through the rest of eighth grade and part of the way into grade nine (which was more commonly known as “freshman year” in America). We covered many pop-punk songs, but mostly attempted Blink-182 and Green Day.

It wasn’t until we were recorded playing once, though, that I realized that our covers didn’t quite sound right. I listened to my elegant, girlie voice layered on top our ragged, blaring guitar riffs and harsh drumming, and I was almost surprised at how odd the sound was. It wasn’t how pop-punk was supposed to sound. It was just strange.

So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when at the end of winter break during freshman year, Jack told me in the most polite way possible that I was being kicked out of the band.

“It’s not that you’re not amazing,” he’d tried to reassure me multiple times, “It’s just that your voice isn’t the kind of voice we wanna use in our band, y’know? Like, you do awesome covers and all, but we need a guy singer. All the songs we cover have guy singers, so it just doesn’t quite sound right to have a girl singing them, y’know?”

“Jack, I told you already, I get it.” I smiled to let him know I meant it. “I’m not upset. I was kinda thinking the same thing.”

“Really? You’re not mad?”

“Not at all. It’s your guys’ band, do what you want with it.”

“God, thank you for understanding, Kris. You’re amazing,” Jack said, grinning. “And just to be clear, this has absolutely nothing to do with our friendship. We all still love the fuck out of you, so please don’t stop talking to us just because of this.”

“I know, I know. I love you guys, too. And anyway, you’re my only friends. I can’t stop talking to you,” I joked.

“True, true,” Jack replied. “Oh, hey, by the way, I have some news for you.”

“What is it?”

“Matt has a thing for you.”

I almost thought he was joking at first. Matt was . . . cute. There was no way a cute guy could fancy me.

“What?” I asked, making sure he was serious.

“Matthew Flyzik has a crush on you, Kristin Garland. Comprendo?” Jack said. He chuckled slightly at the end, but I wasn’t amused.

“How do you know?” I asked him.

“He told me. Like two days ago. Straight up.”

“What did he say?”

“Jeez, Kristin, do you not believe me or what? He said, ‘So I kinda like Kristin,’” Jack told me, then continued, “I asked him what he meant and he said, ‘I like Kristin, you know, she’s cute and chill and funny,’ so I’m gonna go ahead and assume that means he likes you.”

“Really?”

“YES, KRISTIN, MATT LIKES YOU. HE WANTS TO TOUCH YOU AND HE’S CONSIDERING ASKING YOU OUT. WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT?” Jack said ridiculously loudly, which was really embarrassing because we were at the mall and there were people giving us weird looks.

“Jack, shut up! People are looking at us funny!” I hissed. “So wait, he’s considering asking me out?”

“Yeah, he said he totally wants to but he doesn’t think you’ll say yes so he’s hella nervous. Would you say yes?” Jack leaned forward on the table in the food court that we were sitting at and grinned eagerly.

“Uh . . . I don’t know,” I replied. “Most likely.”

“REALLY?!” Jack exclaimed. He looked way too thrilled about this whole situation.

“Yeah, I guess. I mean he’s nice and he’s pretty funny. . .” I thought about that for a moment. I guess I’d sort of had my eye on Matt since I met him. He was the first guy I’d felt any connection to since my short friendship with Alex.

“Cool! Do you want me to encourage him to ask you, or do you want it to just happen?” he inquired.

“Just let it happen. I don’t want him to ask me out if he doesn’t want to yet.”

“Alright, sounds good. Now, let’s go get you some new clothes to impress Matt even more,” Jack grinned, then stood from the table and grabbed my hand to pull me up.

“Jack, I thought you said you were straight,” I laughed.

“Hey! I’m still a hella good shopper. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be proud of it.”

I rolled my eyes and followed him into a clothing store.

---

I don’t wanna waste much time telling you about Matt and I, because that’s not the point of this story. But I will tell you some major details; to start, he asked me out the next week. I said yes.

Matt and I had a nice relationship. We went on dates fairly often, held hands and kissed at school, hung out after school almost every other day, etc. He ended up being my first kiss, which was cool because he has a lip piercing. For a while, I just felt content with everything. I felt like I was finally socially accepted at my new school, and though I was still not completely used to my new house, I felt at home.

After I got kicked out of the band, I started hanging out with Kara and Cory more, because I wasn’t at band practice after school. Cory and I got really close. We talked every day, not just in school either. She was really cool. We had a lot in common, and she was good at listening to my problems and giving me advice, as I was to her. Our personalities complimented one another; she was loud and outgoing, I was quiet and shy. She (and Jack) had similar personalities, so combined, they both helped me open up a bit more and become more, well, fun. So the social aspect of my life was pretty good.

As for Alex, however, things weren’t up to par. I hadn’t spoken to him since the first day of school in eighth grade, but our families still did things together quite often. They’d force both of us to go bowling or have dinner together and it was just all around awkward because neither Alex or I wanted to see each other.

After two months or so, though, I stopped going with my mom to the Gaskarths’ flat. My mother was finally understanding how much I really hated Alex, and stopped forcing me to see him, which I was grateful for.

---

It wasn’t until the very end of freshman year that Alex showed up in my life again.

School ended in two weeks, and classes were finally starting to let up. Finals had been completed the week before, so the teachers were done teaching us new things and all we really did was worksheets and dumb, minor-point assignments. We barely ever got homework, so I finally began to relax again.

I was sitting at my piano. I’d been writing music a lot lately; I guess having a boyfriend put me in a happier, more musical mood. Either that, or I had too much free time. Whatever the reason, though, it was nice. Playing piano and singing both relaxed me and put me in a better mood, so it was nice when I got to do so.

My fingers danced along the keys for a moment or two before each hand settled on a closing chord. I grabbed the overly-sharpened pencil from my music stand and scribbled down the last bit of the song. Now all I had to do was come up with some deep, emotional lyrics that would be discovered by a producer and make their way to the top of the charts by pulling on the heartstrings of America. Shouldn’t take long.

I began reading over the notes I’d written down, then my phone buzzed on the bench next to me. I picked it up to see that Kara was calling me.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Dude, I just found out something . . . interesting.” She sounded stressed.

“What’s up?”

“They found a new singer.”

“Who found a new singer? What?” I asked.

“Jack and Matt and Rian. They got this guy singer. He plays guitar, too. He’s in Jack’s basement practicing with them right now. I just left Jack’s house.”

“Who is it?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy for them or be upset.

“I don’t know, some freshman at our school. He’s kinda hot though. Wanna come see them?”

“Yeah, yeah. Meet me on the way, kay?” I grabbed my moccasins and slipped them on and yanked a striped cardigan off of the arm of the couch.

“Yeah,” Kara replied, then the dial tone sounded.

I hurried outside without letting my mom know I was leaving. I’d been doing that quite often lately; not telling her where I was going. It seemed like since we’d moved here, my mom and I had grown apart a lot.

I only had to walk down the street one block before Kara reached me. We hurried the next two blocks to Jack’s house and into the basement.

I didn’t really know what to think when I took in the new singer.

He was tall and thin, but shorter and not as thin as Jack. He had shaggy light brown hair that was styled so that you didn’t know if it was styled or just messy. Thick, dark eyebrows and deep chocolate brown eyes--though I’m surprised I could decipher the color, considering he has his eyes shut whenever he was singing. He was wearing jeans that were a bit too tight and a grey New Found Glory shirt hung on his broad shoulders.

I didn’t really take in the actual sound of Alex’s singing voice. Though I usually would’ve wanted to know if he was good or not, I was a bit distracted by the fact that a boy I pretty much hated had replaced me in my friends’ band. No, now I knew that I definitely hated him. I wanted to punch him in the face and cry at the same time.

I stood there at the base of the stairs for a second before Matt noticed me. He stopped playing immediately and set his guitar down to walk over to me, leaving the other boys in a confused daze.

“Hey babe, what’s up?” he asked. A thin layer of sweat was on his face and normally I would’ve pulled his lips to mine, considering how hot he looked at the moment, but I was overwhelmed by the amount of betrayal I was feeling. I knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault; Alex hadn’t known I’d been in the band before and the guys didn’t know I hated Alex, but I still hated all of them at the moment.

“Hi,” I managed to squeak out.

“What’s the matter, Kris? You look like you just saw a ghost,” Jack joked, but I wasn’t in the mood.

I heard Alex whisper to Rian, “You guys know Garland?” and I saw Rian nod, slightly confused.

“Sorry, uh, I dunno,” was all I could think to reply.

“Well hey, while you’re here, might as well introduce you to our singer. Kristin, this is Alex, Alex, this is Kristin,” Jack grinned.

“I know Alex,” I said.

“Yeah, we’re neighbors,” Alex replied awkwardly.

“I gotta get home, my mom doesn’t know I’m out,” I said, then looked at Matt. “Love you,” I said to him, then he stepped forward to me and kissed me quickly on the lips.

I rushed back up the stairs and out of Jack’s house, but before I did, I didn’t miss the way Alex’s attention snapped to my kiss with Matt, and I didn’t miss the way his upper lip twitched irritatedly when Matt’s mouth made contact with mine.