I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.

The bell above the door rings as John and I exit the restaurant.

"Thanks!" John says finally before we leave. He leads me back to his car and opens the door of the passenger seat for me.

I sit down and start putting my seat belt on when he gets back in the driver's seat.

My evening with John hadn't been too eventful. Dinner was quaint, not a lot to it. But he'd been a gentleman all evening; Pulling chairs out, holding doors open.

Even complementing my hair when he knows very well when the last time I even washed it was.

We drive back to his house listening to Tom Petty, making small talk about how they're moving into studio tomorrow.

When we get to his driveway, I hurry to beat him to opening my door.

John and I crack up as we make our way to his porch because he tried to close the door before I stepped out just so he could open it again for me.

John opens his front door with his key then slams it shut after he lets the two of us in.

"John, is that you?" someone, from the kitchen, I guess, yells.

"Yeah, Pop!" John answers politely.

"You're just in time for dinner!" someone else continues.

"Aw, Ma," John lets go of my hand and leaves me for a second. "We had dinner outside," he starts as he treads down the hall.

I decide to just follow him into the kitchen.

"I thought I told you to wait for me outside," John says jokingly when he sees me enter.

"No, you didn't." I laugh.

John is starting to laugh along when he snaps to attention. "Mom, this is Riannon." he introduces me. "Iann, this is Jenny, my mom."

She holds out her hand and I shyly take it. "Good evening."

"You too, Hun." She returns her attention to whatever's on the stove after returning my greeting kindly.

"Pop, this is Riannon. She's my... Uh.. You remember Garrett's girlfriend, right,"

"Daniella?"

"Yeah, this is her sister. We met her this tour,"

"Oh, no wonder she looked familiar--"

"Dani and Garrett got back together, by the way." John interrupts. He just knows when I get uncomfortable with this kind of situation.

"That's great!" His dad falls into the distraction.

"Anyway, Iann, this is John the Fourth, everyone calls him Jay," John quickly orients. "I'm John the Fifth, so--"

"J.. Jay?"

John squints at me, wondering for a second why I'd said it with that tone. "Yeah, Jay."

"Oh, Jay." I smile now, forgetting it for a second.

"You got it." John nods. "We ate outside," he says as he looks over his mom's shoulder to see what she's cooking.

"That's okay, Sweets." Jenny lovingly puts him off. "Is Riannon sleeping over? I'll prepare the guest room--"

"No, Mom, it's okay, she can stay in my room." John says. "We're moving into studio tomorrow, remember? We're just hanging out for a while,"

"Right, right." Jenny nods to herself.

"We'll be in my room," John leaves his mom with a simple kiss on the cheek then he pulls me away from the kitchen scene.

I let out a giggle as John kicks his door open. There was no need to use that kind of force, but it amused the both of us.

I finish turning around and closing the door behind us when John forces me to face him.

I see what he's about to do next coming. And why not entertain it?

Besides, I'm already satisfied with how Garrett was wrong about John "fucking me senseless" before I even got in his car.

Now that we're past that, we're back in his room.. Why not let John fuck me senseless right here?

I think It's just sex.

"No, no, wait." John pushes himself off me before anything happens between us again, before we even have our clothes off.

I don't know why he's stopping, but I let him talk.

"I forgot to give you your phone back," he gulps. He starts pulling away to reach for my phone in his back pocket when he realizes my hands are on his hips and my forearms are in the way.

I get him to stay where he is and just ask "Did you look at the messages?"

"No," He shakes his head lightly.

I smirk at him, thinking aloud. "You know what? She can wait."

And that's exactly what we make her do, while we're too busy with each other for me to even think about whatever she needs from me.

"Hello," John picks his phone up from his side table. He'd been missing calls just to give me all his attention.

But it wasn't the kind of attention I'm used to getting from John.

Now, remember when I told Garrett what I spent last night with John doing? Well, had I told him that tomorrow, had our meeting not been earlier today, saying we looked for something to watch on TV, saying I watched John try to write some.. They wouldn't have been lies.

For a while, a very long while, I just sat on the floor with my legs crossed while I watched John get on his guitar. He had a pencil resting on his ear, a small piece of paper he didn't bother trying to keep straightened out. By the end of his writing period, he showed me the paper. It read "Jenny" on the top margin, then the rest was just a bunch of erasures and some lines that made no sense to me.

"My mother is the most wonderful woman on Earth." John said.

I couldn't help but smile then. He looked so sincere, so honest. Those lines started to make sense when he started talking about Jenny.

And Jenny did sound wonderful.

Best Mother Award goes to her. My mom can't even get nominated because she hurt me all the time.

But as John talked about his mother, I decided not to think about mine. It was better if I focused on what was good at the moment.

I handed him back the paper and had him ask me what I thought.

"It's great." I said.

He didn't need to hear more from me.

He wrapped up that writing session. After, we sprawled across his bed with the remote in his hand.

Well, he was sprawled across his bed. His back was basically my mattress, his head of hair my pillow.

We spent around an hour just scanning the channels, stopping at some shows that seemed interesting. But nothing caught our attention.

I don't know how we ended up under a blanket after that.

No sleep, though. No kissing, no sex.

Sounds like a boring evening with John O'Callaghan? I like to think not.

I think it's what everyone else calls "cuddling." That's what we've been doing.

He had his arms around me, we were both facing the door. One of his legs even hung over my hip. And he played a lot with my hair. He twirled it in his fingers right in front of my face so I could see what he was doing.

My soft giggles and his light chuckles at his pathetic attempts of braiding that thin lock of my hair sounded like such a good blend.

But it's over now.

I should be flattered that he'd been spending all that time and attention on me, but now I'm just annoyed with too much of his movement. Resting on his bony chest got really comfortable really quick.

"What?!" He literally snaps up, throwing my head off his chest.

Before I even shoot him a glare, I'm forced not to with the worry that hi-jacks his face.

"Did he leave his phone? ..What?! That is so unlike Garrett.. Wait. No, check his messages, voice mails, anything,"

Because I'm obedient, I just do as John explicitly instructs.

"Shane!" John yells after we've both gotten back to our senses. He'd been in his sense since the phone call started, but I took a little longer. He's throwing pieces of clothing out of his suitcase and shoving others in their place.

"Yup?" Shane immediately appears at John's doorway when John leaves the door open so his little brother could hear him calling.

"Tell the folks I'm leaving for studio--"

"Tonight?"

John bobs his head in a yes and finishes packing.

"You said you were leaving tomorrow!"

"Something came up," John says. "Tell them I love them, take care of yourself, and if Ross comes to visit from ASU anytime, tell him I said hi."

"John--"

"Come on, Iann." John takes my wrist and starts helping me out of his room with my suitcase again.

"John,"

"What is it, Shane?" John gets annoyed at just Shane's second calling.

"Nothing, we were supposed to go biking the morning before you leave." Shane mutters, obviously feeling let down. "But whatever. I'll tell Mom you had to leave--"

"Shit." John lets go of his suitcase and turns to Shane. "I completely forgot, I am so sorry--"

"It's fine," Shane mumbles, not at all meaning it.

"Sorry." John grabs his bags again and resumes walking to the door. "When I get back. Promise."

"That's what you said the last time--"

"Sorry!" John says again. "Sorry, Shane, sorry. Next time. Promise."

"Whatever." Shane un-enthusiastically holds his fist out for John to bump.

John guiltily does and starts his way out the door with me.

"Bye," Shane mumbles.

But John's so guilty, he can't even properly say goodbye back. So I do it for him.

"Bye, Shane,"

Shane smiles, glad at least one of us had the sense to part with him properly.

John and I get in his car and he begins driving us somewhere.

"What's up?" I ask now, not really knowing what he had to get the both of us up and out for.

"Uh, Garrett's missing."

"What do you mean he's missing,"

"Trey just called me and told me he was missing and that he left his phone. Garrett never leaves without his phone--"

"Maybe he forgot--"

"He's Garrett Nickelsen, he never forgets."

"Why did you have to cancel on Shane like that?" I then question.

"Because I am so sure I'm going to spend the entire night looking for Garrett. And we get in studio tomorrow so," he shrugs.

"What about Shane,"

"He'll get over it." John says indifferently.

"Say he doesn't,"

"What?"

"I mean.. He was looking forward to hanging out with you and--"

"Too bad," John cuts me off. "Can we please stop talking about it--"

"Why--"

"Shut up." John shoves the fingertip of his index onto my lips as he brings his ringing phone up to his ear.

I was so ready to get pissed in case he was telling me off for trying to confront what he now makes it seem like a sensitive topic, but he's on his phone now.

"Hey." He retracts his hand from me and sets his phone on loudspeaker.

"--messages from Dani. One of them says nine-one-one."

"Yeah, what does that mean?" John mutters to Trey.

"They had this code when they were in high school, they would text this to each other when there were serious emergencies--"

"What kind of emergencies,"

"One time, Garrett couldn't breathe and he passed out in his room, when I came home, I saw he had his phone in hand and a nine-one-one message to Dani, a couple of minutes later Dani came over and--"

"Okay, wait, wait, does that mean--"

"Dani's in trouble." I say because they're both too slow to conclude it.

John's eyes widen and realize that he really hadn't given me my phone back. He thanks heavens we didn't take our clothes off when he reaches into his pocket to give me my phone back.

I take it, exiting the missed calls. Dani didn't leave voice mails, so I open the inbox now.

"You win." was the last message Dani sent me. She sent me a pool of messages, but the most recent one was that.

"I win," I mumble to myself, thinking about what this could mean. I spend a while thinking about it, then it dawns on me that an explanation could be found in her other messages.

"I'll tell Mom and Dad you said hi."

Now all those guesses I started having are wiped off the board, and tears fill my eyes.

"Iann, what.. Hey." John slows the car down just to look at me directly. "Trey, I'll call you back." he mutters and throws his phone on the dashboard.

Instead of answering with my own words, I use Dani's and show John the screen of my phone.

John narrows his eyebrows as he reads the messages that broke my heart and then he realizes why I'm crying. "You don't think she--"

"How fucking selfish of her!" I yell.

John has the car running at to slow a speed, so I know just what I want to do and just what I want to be.

I want to get off this damn car and I want to be alone.

"Riannon Jones, stay in the car." John commands sternly the moment I try to unclasp my seat belt.

"No, John--"

"Stay in the car." John reaches over to me when I unlock the door.

I've left him with no choice, so he steps on the gas and brings the car to at least 7.

But it doesn't stop me from opening my car door and hopping out.

The motion of the vehicle causes me an unstable landing.

Of course, I fall on my hands and knees.

John stops the car and gets out of his seat. "Iann, are you okay--"

I stand up with my knees trembling and I start treading further away from him. Not to piss him off or anything. I just can't be around John right now. Not anybody.

"Iann, get back here."

"No." I start sobbing. I find a curb under a streetlight to sit on and start breaking down there. I bury my head in my knees and I start screaming, completely losing it.

John's arms immediately envelope around me. Unwelcoming as I am towards this gesture, I nuzzle my face into his chest and cry harder.

And he just holds me.

I swear to God, he just sits there with me and holds me. I hurt him and hit him and scream at him and I know I'm making him want to give up on me, but he doesn't. He keeps his arms around me as if.. As if he's stopping me from falling apart, as if he knows he's the only thing that could hold me together at this point.

And I wail on, one more time, letting loose for the last time. Then I thrash my head onto his shoulder, wiped out.

My tears can't even dry on my face because John made sure they all ended up on his shirt.

He pulls back the slightest bit and whispers "You know, if you're gonna fall apart, you're gonna need someone to fall apart on."

I let out a groan.

"I'll be that for you." he says. The sincerity in his voice is overwhelming. And it's so genuine.

But we both know what this thing between us is.. It could be sex. Plain lust. Okay, let's count Garrett's hypothesis: It could be love. But one thing both John and I are sure it is, this thing between us.. It's downright complicated.

"For now." John adds to my dismay.

I thank him for this with a kiss on his neck because I'm too weak to kiss him on the cheek, too wilted to hug back.

"Let's go find Garrett." John tells me after a minute.

"I'm exhausted."

"So am I," John laughs. But that doesn't prove to be so true. Because he puts one of his arms under the bend of my legs and the other one beneath my arms. Then he starts lifting me up.

"John,"

"It's okay, you're exhausted." John lovingly adjusts me, making me jump and drape my arms around him.

My fingers lock just behind the nape of his neck and he asks me one more time if I'm alright.

I answer with a yes and he slowly and cautiously carries me back to his car.

"Now stay put." John makes me settle into the seat, putting my seat belt on for me. He's pulling himself out of my side of the car when he stops at my knees. "Wait, shit. Shit."

"What?" I ask quietly, though his abruptness did scare me.

"You're bleeding."

"John,"

"There's so much blood.. Oh God." John looks absolutely terrified.

"Oh, right.. You're scared of blood--"

He cuts me off. "No. No, I'm not." he says when he obviously is.

"John, it's okay," I say, looking down at it. It is a lot of blood. But it's just scraped skin and I'm pretty sure my bone isn't popping out of my leg.

"I'm taking you to the studio." he tells me as he gets behind the wheel again.

"We have to look for Garrett--"

"He can take care of himself." He practically disregards what we're even out here for.

I'm too tired to argue.

I rest my head on the window. And the rest of the drive doesn't exist to me.

"Iann, wake up, we're here." John whispers after the dragging drive. How far away was the studio?

"Eh," I try to turn away from him, not ready to leave my nap.

He doesn't wait for me to respond better as he starts transporting me himself.

"John--"

"It's okay," He nods at me. "Close your eyes."

And I'm about to fall back to sleep when he makes me sit on something after the long walk.

I open my eyes though he'd told me not to. I'm on the edge of a bath tub with my feet settling in the running water gathering inside, and the only thing lighting this place up is a couple of candles by the sink. I'm looking for John now, he isn't around. "John?" I rasp. "John, where are you--"

John is entering the bathroom now with another lit candle. "Hey, no--" He puts the candle holder down by the sink with the others and tells me to stop standing up.

"Why are you all wet," I ask, observing that his clothes are soaked. I'd say those were my tears but that was hours ago and even his hair's all drenched. It's not sweat.

"It was raining." John informs me. "You didn't notice?"

I shake my head and attempt to get up again. "And I'm fine, it's just a scrape--"

"Sit down."

I've disobeyed him once tonight, I don't want to keep doing it.

"Power's out." John explains why this place is illuminated by just small flickers of fire. "I forgot this place isn't ours till tomorrow,"

"John,"

"Hey, sh." John stops me from struggling, or even speaking, when he tries to make sure I don't try to get up again.

I quiet myself down, too.

"But water's on," John happily raises the detachable nozzle of a shower hose to me.

"John,"

He puts the water down for a second and helps me out of my shorts. Then he starts to wash the blood off.

John's face soon crumples up, his eyebrows curl, his forehead creases..

I know he's scared of blood, I don't think that's ever changing. "John, you don't have to--"

He looks up and interrupts me with a kiss. "It's okay." he mouths.

I don't try to object anymore after. I find there's no use in denying John's help.

After he washes my wound, he has me out of all my clothes and he'd turned the overhead shower on.

For a while, he just stares at me.

And I feel little to nowhere near conscious over the fact that I'm bare, even when I know how erotic this could be.

The look he has in his eyes makes it seem like he's staring at the most admirable thing ever.

But I don't know he sees that in me.

He shakes his head, finally coming back to legitimate sense. He washes my hair for me and lets me help him scrub all the dirt from the pavement off.

Before I know it, I'm dressed in fresh clothes from my suitcase.

We're on the floor in a room John had picked from the network of rooms.

Well, I am. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, brushing my wet mane for me.

I look around for a while, then I glance at my knees which John fixed and cleaned after I jacked them up. He was so careful.. I don't know whether because he didn't want to make me wince, or because he's just phobic of blood. My left knee was fine, it really was noting but just a scratch. But I fell with my weight on my right knee which made the cemented impact harsher on it.

John had covered it with a cotton patch after it stopped bleeding and asked me not to move it too much.

"Garrett could've reached her," John tells me, some way reassuring me.

This being the first words out of his mouth since my bath, I call for justification. "What are you saying,"

"Your sister is not dead, Riannon--"

"It's not that," I mumble, knowing that he thought that's what had upset me. "I'm well aware she isn't dead." I say indifferently.

"What?"

"If she's dead, she would've tried to get to me by now,"

He lets me turn back at him. The look on is face tells me enough how stupid I sound.

So I intend on explaining. "Do you believe in ghosts?"

"I hang around Garrett too much," John almost irrelevantly answers. "It would be hard not to."

"Dani and me.. Long before our parents died.. You know.. Our dad was such a believer."

"Go on," he gently says as he puts his arm over my shoulder after he drops next to me on the floor. He makes me exert no effort to even look up, he bends down and sets himself in the same eye level with me.

"Dani and I swore that if ever it was real.. If she ever became a ghost, no matter what, she would try to get to me. Or the other way around. I know it sounds stupid--"

"It doesn't sound stupid at all." John tells me, obviously just not wanting me to get any more upset.

"So far.." I look around with my eyes still tired from sleep and crying. "No paranormal activities."

John makes a sound of shallow mirth at my last statement.

I don't blame him. I decide to just change the topic. "Any news about Garrett?"

John negates. "Trey'll call me if he gets any news."

"Where do you think he is?"

"Off looking for Dani." says John.

"Why aren't I doing the same?"

"Well," John shrugs as he states the most logical answer he could put in mind and verbalize. "You're not Garrett."