I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.

"Good morning, angel." The greeting just almost slaps me in the face the moment my eyes quit hiding behind their lids.

"John," I simply mumble, too lazy to return the greeting, without being rude and indifferent.

I shut my eyes again, not intending to fall back asleep. Instead, I'm intending to recall how I fell asleep in John's arms like this.

I think that since I wasn't the slightest bit drunk last night, I would remember well if anything "sexual" or even "romantic" happened between me and John that could've lead to him and me waking up with each other like this.

But all I remember for a second is falling asleep after he tucked me in. Then I remember waking up a few hours later screaming from a nightmare.

John was outside, in the kitchen maybe, or the bathroom, or another bedroom, and could barely hear me, but he came in seconds and held me till I fell asleep again.

I guess, maybe, he never left.

When I open my eyes again, they meet John's.

And his voice meets my ears. "Are you okay?"

I nod lightly and try to push myself up.

John, not wanting me to exert any effort at all, helps me onto my feet. He gently directs me onto a wall just in case I'm too weak to stand on my own.

I lean on that wall and watch John fold up the blanket we've been using and he fixes the sheets on the mattress.

I hear other voices outside, other people conversing.

Convinced I'm not just going crazy, I ask "They came?"

"Last night, when I put you back to sleep." John informs me.

"I don't remember you getting out of bed," I think aloud.

"Yeah?" John fixes the pillows near the headboard. "Maybe it's because you move around so much when you're sleeping."

"Do I really move around that much?"

"Jay gets it from you, I believe." John casually says.

"Hey," I make him look at me. "That's your dad's name."

"Jay?" John chuckles. "Yeah, I know. It took everything I had not to freak out when you told me what his name was when you first came around the bus."

I smile to myself, finding it oddly funny that John had felt the same way about it taking everything not to freak out.

"It was so weird though, I'm pretty sure I didn't say a single word about my parents that night. And I'm sure as hell you never met my parents."

"Let's not talk about it," I quietly plead.

"Okay." John obliges willingly, though I know he is itching to just sit down and have a decent conversation about it with me.

"Did they find Garrett?" I ask to change the topic.

"Yeah."

I don't have to ask before John continues.

"They found Dani, too." he says. "She's fine. She is a little jacked up, though,"

"As in," I try get him to elaborate.

"She's in the living room." John mutters, most likely pointing out that I should go talk to her and find out for myself what happened.

"Everyone's in the living room?"

"Yeah, you woke up late." John points at a clock at the end of the room. "We all woke up at eight."

"It's eleven--"

"I know. We were all waiting for you to wake up, so let's go." He takes my hand and starts dragging me downstairs.

The further down we get in the halls, the louder Garrett's voice starts getting.

"Well, what the fuck--"

The voice that replies tells me who Garrett is arguing with. "Garrett, can you please--"

"Shut up, Dani--"

Tim, whom John told me about last night, sees me and John and says "Great, Iann's awake, shut up Garrett."

After Tim says this, everyone's heads dart to our direction.

"Morning," I attempt to greet.

They all nod to acknowledge me then turn to Tim again.

"House rules." Tim gestures for me and John to sit down with the rest of them.

John sits at a small single-seater couch and I sit down on one of its arms.

"No farting!" Tim loudens his voice. "That means you, Jared."

Jared laughs at this and lets Tim ressume.

"No tantrums." Tim looks at his little brother. "That means you, Pat."

Pat chuckles after putting a lock of his hair behind his ear.

"No eating in the bedroom," Tim eyes Kennedy. "That means you."

Kennedy rolls his eyes jokingly.

After he lists out three no-rules, all of which sounded pretty much like jokes, he turns to Dani. "No knives!" Tim now raises his voice again, in some potent anger-filled tone, after it's gone through its falling. "That means you, Dani."

Dani looks down, recognizing the seriousness in Tim's voice.

Though I have no idea what reference Tim is making. All the previous ridiculous rules were easy to dissect.. Practical. No farting, most probably because.. Who likes it? No tantrums because it's annoying, and Pat seems prone to it. And no eating in the bedroom to avoid attracting ants.

What relation is there between Dani and knives?

My thoughts are cut off sooner than they start making sense to me when Tim continues. "No yelling." Tim suddenly almost whispers. "That means you, Garrett."

Garrett scoffs something none of us can understand.

Tim understood it though and let it go. Now, he looks down at me and John.

I really am at a loss for words for what I was expecting. But when the words "no sex" fly out of Tim's mouth, my jaw almost drops. But I control it.

I look at John to see how he reacts since I don't react immediately.

John just shrugs as if he was expecting getting warned for it. But I know he wasn't.

"None in the bedrooms, none in the kitchen, none in the bathroom, and strictly no sex in the studio booth." Tim explains, his eyes jumping between John and me over and over.

"I find it odd that you find it absolutely necessary to list out exactly where I can't fuck Iann." John jokingly seriously says.

"I'm not going to be around a lot, and I don't know when you'll get your urges." Tim casually replies. "So if you're gonna wanna have sex with Iann, take her out."

"I'm right here, you know." I mumble.

"We don't mean to be objectifying you." Tim makes a quick tread to me. "By the way, I'm Tim Kirch, Pat's brother, band's manager, that yickidy yack. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

I shake his hand when he holds it out and we both retract after. Though I think about what he says. "Finally meet you." I repeat in a volume only I can hear.

Tim turns to the rest of them and leaves me hanging on what he'd said last. "Colby will get here in the afternoon. You guys can still hang around, but wait for him. No one's allowed to leave the studio until Colby gets here and says it's okay to do so."

"Where are you going?" Pat asks his brother when he starts leaving.

"I'm hanging out with Bryan and Matt."

"That's not fair, I wanna hang out with you guys too--"

"It's okay," Tim shakes his head as he messes Pat's hair with his fingers after putting his palm on his head. "We're not going to the skate park without you, we'll wait till you guys finish over here."

"Okay," Pat pouts but accepts it.

Tim withdraws from Pat and starts making a certain exit. "By the way, Garrett, Trey's going to drop by before he leaves for tour again with Austin--"

"Why does he have to come by?!" Garrett complains.

Tim looks at Garrett with a sense of wondering, then he drops it and scolds him instead. "Will you be fucking happy you still get to see Trey, Ross and Shane barely see John, Matt and Bryan barely see Pat--"

"Of course, of course!" Garrett doesn't hesitate to answer back. "You be fucking grateful you see your brother all the time!" he mocks, pulling words out of Tim's throat. "Because the rest of your band mates aren't as fortunate!"

"Garrett, watch your mouth--" Tim tells him off.

"Why is it so hard for once for things to be just about me?! Huh?!" Garrett rages. "Why is it so hard for once for people to care about what I feel?!"

"What the hell are you saying?!"

"I'm saying that my girlfriend almost killed herself and somehow you people think it doesn't affect me!" He shoots up from his chair, completely past provoked. "My girlfriend cut herself and fell off a dock and she's fucking hydrophobic! She sent me a nine-one-one text and I rushed to find her, and I found her in a fucking lake! I had to yell for Kennedy because I couldn't jump in myself and save her because I don't know how to fucking swim--"

Dani doesn't look the slightest bit alarmed that Garrett was starting to freak out, but she did try to stop him from clammering. "Garrett, I didn't,"

"No, no!" Garrett yells, cutting Dani off. Cutting everyone who had started to try to tell Garrett to calm down off, letting Dani's attempt come to no avail. "None of that fucking bullshit, Dani--"

"Garrett,"

"Listen to me--"

"Garrett--"

"Listen to me, Daniella Jones." Garrett commands.

"Garrett--"

"Say you're sorry, I demand you say you're sorry--"

"Garrett, please--"

"Dani, please!" Garrett mocks and begs at the same time.

"Garrett--"

"Dani, what the fuck were you doing at the edge of a dock?! Huh?!"

"I'm sorry,"

"You know you're fucking hydrophobic, what the hell were you thinking?!"

"I'm sorry--"

"What if Kennedy wasn't there, huh?! What?!"

Dani starts sobbing, and I know that somehow, Garrett doesn't want to keep raising his voice, knowing it's what's upsetting Dani.

But he can't stop himself now. "I'm not with you for a little less than a day and this happens!"

"I'm sorry,"

"You little shit, what if Kennedy wasn't there?!" Garrett angrily mutters.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"

"Dani, what if Kennedy wasn't there?! Huh?! What the hell was I supposed to do then?!"

"I'm sorry--"

"Sorry?! Yeah, good luck saying that when you're a dead body in the lake--"

"I'm sorry,"

"What were you doing on the dock? You know you can't swim, you know you're scared of water, what the hell were you--"

"I was thinking, Garrett! I was thinking!" Dani now doesn't fight the urge to answer with anything other than an apology after. "Sorry,"

"You have other places to think, Dani, you might as well have thought it out in the middle of a freaking highway--"

"I didn't fall off the dock, Garrett, I--"

"What if Kennedy--"

"I didn't ask you to get Kennedy for help, Garrett, I jumped in! Okay?! I jumped in--"

"What?!" Garrett literally screams now.

Dani looks away from him and tries to shake him off when he grabs her wrist. "Sorry."

"Sorry?! No, Daniella Renee, no! Sorry's not enough! You tried to fucking kill yourself!"

"I know." Dani mumbles.

"What the hell for?! You have me to talk to--"

"I know,"

"What was the nine-one-one text for?"

"I just wanted to know how quick you could find me--"

"And if I didn't get there on time?!"

"Then I was a goner."

"Dani!"

"I know, I know you're mad, Garrett, I know,"

"Do you really?! I'm not mad, Daniella Renee, I am fucking furious! How the hell do you think I'm okay with this at all-- I'm not!"

"But you found me, okay, that's all that matters--"

"No, Dani--"

"You're all that matters." Dani says finally.

Garrett is silenced by these words for a second. But he's still so curious. "Why the fuck did you jump off the dock,"

"I wanted to see if I was worth anything to Iann." Dani mumbles. "That's it. I'm sorry."

"Dani--"

"I won't do it again." Dani tells Garrett, in all honesty, too. "Now that I know I mean completely nothing to Iann, I'm not doing it again."

"You know that's not true." Garrett tries to correct her. "Iann--"

"No, stop." Dani shakes her head.

"Dani--"

"It's too bad, though." her voice cracks. Tears follow after blinks. "I mean.. My sister.."

Garrett now takes back his harsh words and actions and lets Dani melt into him.

"I guess it's really my fault but I'm not worth a second chance,"

"Don't say that," Garrett whispers.

"It's true," Dani mumbles.

"No." Garrett negates. "She's just--"

"What? She's just mad? Garrett, she's not mad anymore, I'm not even worth her getting mad anymore, I'm not worth her attention at all right now--"

"Dani,"

I stop listening to this and walk out of the living room.

I stand by a hall alone now.

She's wrong. She is so wrong.

I am not at all worth killing herself over.

She is so fucking stupid.

But there's no way Garrett's right either.

I can't decide now.

I find my way out of the studio house. I think to myself that I just need a couple of cigarettes. I see John's car in the driveway, then the band's vandalized van. I walk to John's car slowly and thank God he didn't lock the doors. I bend into the passenger seat and grab my wallet from the compartment. When I slam the door, I immediately start walking off to look for a convenience store near by.

"You're not going anywhere."

These words don't stop me. The owner of the voice does.

I turn around and watch Pat who is now brisking to John's car.

He opens the door I'd just closed and reaches into the glove compartment. He brings out a purse that presents itself familiar to me. Then he rushes to me after getting out of his car. "Gum, stress ball, toothpicks." He lists out its contents without even opening it.

"How do you know what's in it?"

"I know where you're headed." His answer is unrelated.

"So,"

"Don't go." Pat almost pleads.

"What?" I laugh at his request.

He moves himself beside me and holds my wrist, making me stop surely.

"Okay, Pat." I turn to him.

"You're going to get some smokes," Pat deduces. "You just got in John's car to get your wallet."

The latter part doesn't impress me as much as the first part because it was obvious.

"I know what's in this bag because we got John one a few months ago."

I giggle at myself. "How could I have missed that,"

"Impressed?" Pat guesses.

"Very much."

"Garrett taught me how to be real observant. I noticed you were biting your nails."

I look down at my hands and see evidence that I'd been unconsciously chewing on the things that rest in the backside of my fingertips.

"That's how John dealt with it for a while. But then I told him that's what the toothpicks were for."

"Oh."

We stand awkwardly for a second.

I break the silence after a while. "Why'd you follow me out?"

"I hate seeing Garrett cry." Pat answers honestly. "I really hate seeing Garrett cry."

I shrug.

"Even though he taught me it's okay to cry, I still don't like watching him do that." Pat points in the middle of his chest. "Hurts my feelings or something."

"Garrett would know better than to just explode like that," I say.

"Yeah," Pat chews on the bottom of his lip. "But we know where he's coming from."

"You know where he's coming from." I sigh and decide to just plump down on the curb.

"I'm sure you do, too." Pat sits next to me.

"What does he say about me?" I curiously ask, even if I knew I sounded like fucking Jesus to Peter.

"What do you think about him?" he counters.

"Pat,"

"No, seriously."

"Great guy." I say just to finish this part of the conversation.

"Okay." Pat knows what I was trying to do with my previous statement so he just lets me be. "You're his friend, you know."

"He's my friend, I know," I repeat in the same tone.

"Can I ask you a favor," Pat shyly but straightforwardly goes.

"Sure, Pat." I reply, not thinking how big this favor could even be.

"I need you to promise me you're gonna try to do this." Pat lays out the condition. "You said 'sure' so,"

"Okay, okay, promise," I say with the least enthusiasm.

"I need you to, like, legit promise you're gonna try to do this. For me. For Garrett."

"For Garrett?"

"Promise." Pat commands.

"Okay, I promise." I say, tracing a cross over the middle of my chest.

Pat, with a satisfied grin, tells me just what I signed up for after saying "Now, you promised you're going to try as hard as you can."

"What is it,"

"Talk to Dani."