Give Into Me

I followed her down the hallway, confused as shit.

If anything I should be the one saying “we need to talk”, right?

I followed behind her as she entered her room, leaving the door half closed. If she gets crazy, I’m running right out that door!

“I know were not on good terms but what the hell, how could you use Ricky like that? Is this like some sick revenge shit for me losing my virginity before you? How could you use my brother like that?” She somewhat yelled.

“Seriously? How could you say that, this conversation is fucking over? How could you even think I could be capable of doing that to you or even Ricky in that matter? I thought we were best friends.” I said tears welling in my eyes leaving the room. I stormed off to the bathroom across the hall.

How could she think I could do such a thing? I may have hated Ricky, but doing that is just oh so low. I ripped a piece of toilet paper and dabbed my eyes.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I turned on the faucet and splashed some water in my face.

I opened the bottom cabinet checking for a towel, instead I get fucking condoms. Way to fucking go Em.

I left the bathroom, and walked over to my room to see Ricky on the phone.

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.” He smiled as if whoever he was talking to was right in front of him.

He hung up, shoved the phone in his pocket and lay down on the bed. I ran over and jumped on his waist.

I smiled biting my lip leaning down ready to kiss him. He looked at me with such kindness and passion, but then the look went away, he looked mad and sad at the same time.

‘What’s wrong?” I asked leaning my elbows on his chest.

“I think what we’ve been doing lately should stop, I mean I was thinking this morning,” he shoved me off him and stood up, “while I was in the shower and you’re not really what I want or well need, and well I just don’t think that I have the same feelings for you. I got to see what it would be like with you and I’m just not feeling it. You’re just not what I need; it’s in my head as Lucy Losmeli, not Lucy I want to fuck you. It’s just too awkward” He stared back at me with a blank expression.

“You just wanted to fuck me and that’s it?” I say my bottom lip trembling.

“It was a bet with CJ, it was stupid, but you can’t say I didn’t warn you.” He walked past me patting my head then leaving out the door.

Then I remember he did warn me, telling me I’d be in love with him by the end of this trip. There’s only two days left.

Tears fall down my cheeks, but I don’t wipe them. I lay down and plug in my iPod. I wrap the blanket around my head and doze off.

I wake up at eight at night, still feeling nauseous and sick from what had occurred. I rubbed my eyes then ended up going back to sleep.

I look over to see the digital numbers 5:23 AM, highlighted before me. I sit up and look around the room. The spot next to me hasn’t been touched since last night.

I walk over to the door take off Ricky’s sweat shirt, and then throw it down the hallway. I smile at my accomplishment and walk to the bathroom, ready to take a shower.

I’m not about to cry over a guy that’s fucking ridiculous!

Okay, so it’s not ridiculous, because I sure as hell feel like crying my eyes out.

I insert one foot at a time into the shower.

I refuse to use the bathtub after Ricky and I spent such a beautiful moment in there with him, or so I thought.
Once done, I walk back to the room with a towel wrapped around me. I pull my suitcase out from under the bed and shove things into my backpack. I slip on some Nike sweats and a Juicy Couture hoodie. I wrap my hair in a messy bun while I walk down the hallway. I see everyone in the living room surprised there even awake.

“Where are you going?” Emily asks focusing on me instead of CJ.

Ignored.

“Where are you going Lomali?” Ricky asks.

Back to last name basis, very mature.

I ignore him as well.

I walk right past the both of them and slam the door shut behind me as I walk down the little rock path.

“Lucy!” I turn around and see everyone outside.

Before I begin to talk I hear a car pull in. I scrunch my eyebrows and see Rose. Ricky’s ex-girlfriend, whom I assume Ricky, was on the phone with yesterday.

I look back at Ricky and see his jaw clenching as he looks back.

I get chills down my spine as every word Ricky had said to me rushes to my mind.

“I was just going to go for a bit of a run, but you know what I’m not going for a run anymore. I'm going home”

I walk up to Emily.

“You should really hide your condoms better.”

“I thought you were an amazing person, until now.” I looked at CJ, reminding myself of the stupid bet he made Ricky do.

“And you, I thought what you said was real. I thought what we had these past couple days been real.”

“And that’s why I can never be with you, you think just a little too much about everything and anything.”

“To think I was going to get one of Emily’s condoms and make use of it.” I say trying to make a comeback. It was lame, but true.

“Please Lucy shut the fuck up, why you trying to ruin everyone’s vacation? Just leave; you’ve made this the worst week of my fucking life.”

Less than a second was all it took me to let my hand glide against his right cheek.

He looked at me with shock.

“I hate you so much.” I cringed at the words I had just said. “But most of all I hate myself for falling for you, so you know what congratulations, you got me Ricky, I’m so deeply in love with you.” I said in a shaky voice.

I walk past him and up to CJ.

“Go ahead congratulate him. What does he get for winning?” I ask looking at him with a sarcastic smile on my face.

“A free lunch at In-N-Out and ten bucks.” He looks down.

“A free lunch and ten fucking dollars, is that really what I’m worth to you, to any of you?!” I yelled. “You knew about this didn’t you?” I looked at Emily.

“Lucy I-”

“Do you even know what the term best friends mean?”

No response.

“Do you at least know what it means to me?

No response.

“Do you!?”

"I'm sorry!" She cries.

“I’m sorry isn’t going to cut it anymore.” I look at her shake my head then head for inside the door.

“Speaking of ‘cut’, I used to be a cutter, Ricky knew but not you and now that I think about it, of course you wouldn’t know because that’s when you started going out with CJ, you stupid cunt!” I yelled went inside grabbed all my things shoved it in my suitcase and went back outside. I grabbed some car keys to a black Mercedes that had been here already.

I got in the car and put the suit case in the passenger’s side.

“Lucy! Please don’t leave!” She ran towards the car with tears rushing down her face.

“There’s nothing in this fucking world I’d like to do better than to just leave.” I said calmly.

I storm out of the driveway and leave the only place I thought would ever be considered paradise to me.

I park on the side of the long freeway, and reach for the bottle of Tequila.

I couldn’t even open the bottle before I saw a pair of lights approach me so fast, I didn’t realize what just happened.

Have you ever seen debris just tumbling in the wind that’s how I felt, and in a blink of an eye everything had gone horribly wrong.

Everything had gone blank.