Turn the Clock

He looked- no he stared at me from where he was standing, frozen to the spot. I couldn’t help but fidget under his gaze which made me feel ugly and ashamed. Out of habit I rubbed my left arm, feeling extremely uncomfortable. I was expecting him to say something but when his face suddenly drained of colour, his eyes were glazing over, his eyes strayed from me- darting all over the room before his body began to fidget. I felt relieved that his gaze was away from me but when he lost his balance and fell into the doorway- his body slamming into the wooden frame. My feet automatically rushed towards him, finding the strength to lean his body onto mine, until my mom unfroze herself from where she was stood and helped me bring him to the couch, sitting him down gently.

“John? Are you okay?” I asked worriedly, putting my hand on his forehead. He didn’t have a temperature, so he wasn’t ill. My mom had left the room to get him some water.

“Annie, wh-what’s happened to you?” he croaked, bringing his hand to rest on the side of my cheek. His piercing green eyes full of concern and worry. “Please don’t tell me its-” I bit my lip, looking away from him. “Oh god Annie” he cried, pulling my fragile body onto his lap. Holding me tightly.

“I have cancer, John” my voice cracked slightly.

I heard mom walk back into the room before she turned on her heel and left. John still hadn’t replied, so I slowly manoeuvred myself from his grasp walking away from so I was stood in the front window. I heard him sigh, I could tell he was rubbing between his eyes out of frustration.

“How long?” he muttered.

“Coming up to a year” I replied dryly. I heard the breath in John’s throat catch.

“You mean-” he started before I cut him off.

“Yes John. I was diagnosed with it shortly after you-uh-left” I muttered.

“I feel like such an ass. Why didn’t you call me?” he grumbled.

“I let you walk away, John. I had a hunch that I was ill, I didn’t want to hold you back” I breathed, turning around to face him, but he was already half way across to me, placing his hands on either side of my face. I looked up at him as he towered over my small frame.

“You would never have held me back, Annie! You mean more to me than the band, or touring! I would have put that on hold just to be able to sit beside you everyday, taking you to appointments and answering you to each and every beckoning call you make. It makes me hurt knowing while I was away you were back here fighting for your life” he whispered as he pulled me into his arms.

I didn’t know what I could say to him, because he was right. He showed his love for me when he came here last year, it just took me a while to see it.

“I’m not going to leave your side, Annie. I’m here for the long run, and I’m going to win your love and trust back no matter what” he whispered ever so lightly that I could just make out the words.

I smiled a genuine smile for the first time in so long.