Safer to Hate Her

“Jersey?” Carla tried to shake her daughter awake. She’d been lying in bed when all off a sudden something felt strange; like she’d been hit by a tidal wave. She knew that something was going to happen and there was something that she needed to do.

Jersey stirred and looked up at her Mum, seeing the concern in her mother’s eyes she jumped up straight away, “Mum, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t feel good, Jersey. This doesn’t feel the same as last time. I need to see your father, I know we shouldn’t leave without telling anyone, but I need to see him. Can you be my brave girl again and take me there?”

Jersey nodded her head, “Of course, Mum. What am I here for?”

She smiled at her Mum and grabbed their jackets of the side. Looking at her phone, she saw it was three AM not the best time to be wandering about in pajamas, but this was important to her Mum and she couldn’t let her down, not now.

“Mum, stand here and let me phone a Taxi to pick us up, we can’t walk there in the rain.”

Carla put her hand on her shoulder, “It’s okay. I can walk; let me do this, baby girl.”

Jersey nodded, she didn’t like the idea of her Mum walking down to the cemetery in her condition, but she sure wasn’t going to be the person to stop her.
They had been walking for ten minutes in silence until they reached the gates. Luckily nobody seemed to loitering around and they took their usual route to the grave.

Not caring about getting wet, they say down next to him. Carla lay down where her husband was as she sobbed. Jersey rubbed her Mum’s back, knowing that she needed to say goodbye.

“I’ll be with you soon. Save me a spot, I know you would have already.” Carla’s tears stopped as she looked up at her daughter and stroked her cheek, “you are so beautiful, baby girl. Make sure you take care of yourself, come and visit us when you can. And always know I’ll be there for you always.”

Jersey couldn’t hold back her tears anymore as she lay down with her Mum hugging her. “Don’t be saying your goodbyes Mum. Please, don’t say goodbye.”

“Mum?” Jersey turned her Mum onto her back, “Mum, can you hear me?”

Jersey didn’t know what to do as she frantically reached for her phone, holding her Mum in her arms.

The phone seemed to ring forever until there was somebody, eventually, at the other end of the phone.

“Mrs Grint, I’m at the cemetery,” she cried. “It’s my Mum, she isn’t breathing. I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh my. I’m on my way, don’t move!”

Everything seemed like a blur, Jersey was in a daze. She cried into her Mum, she was still warm. Then, she was taken away from her, blues light flashing all around as she was pulled away from the scene.

She was held against somebody’s chest but she couldn’t figure out who it was. There were people frantically talking around them, she noticed one voice was that of Mrs Grint. She was so glad she could call on her like this, she was a true friend.

She woke up from her daze and looked up into his eyes, and then she knew that she would be just fine as she hugged him even closer.

x-x-x

Today was the day she was dreading, the day of the funeral. She hadn’t been in contact with Rupert since that day. He honestly didn’t know what he was doing to her.

She had been surprised that she hadn’t cried as much as she thought, she was smiling. There were so many things to smile about, their memories they made before she went, that crying didn’t seem right.

She was currently on her way to Rupert’s house; she wanted to know why he wasn’t talking to her, why he couldn’t be there for her. She had around an hour before she needed to be at the funeral, so she knew she could get it out of him in time.

She knocked on his door, and Mrs Grint opened the door for her. She was dressed in black as she had been invited to come with her. She smiled softly at her and pointed upstairs knowing exactly why she had come.

She started banging her fist on his door; she didn’t deserve to be treated like this, so he didn’t deserve her respect.

“Why do you shut me out?!” Jersey shouted through Rupert's locked bedroom door.

Rupert honestly didn’t want to keep her out of his life; she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He just knew deep down after everything she had been through that she deserved someone better than him, somebody who knew how to comfort her when she cries at night, not some idiot who messes up his words.

“I want to be in your life, we’re meant to be! Can’t you see that?”

He hated the sound of her tears. As the tears started to flow from his eyes, he shouted back to her, “It’s safer to hate you than it is to love you and then lose you. It’s safer to hate you all around.”

“You’re just being selfish.” She was barely audible as she left his door and ran for the streets; screaming out up towards the sky.

“You said you’d keep me safe, daddy!” She cried, “You said you’d watch out for me up there!”