Safer to Hate Her

“Mum, are you sure about this?”

Carla held onto her daughter for support, just standing was making her weak. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, baby girl. You’ll still be there for me; it just means we can get a little bit more support.”

“Now come on, help me into the room.”

The room was simply decorated, much better than sleeping in a hospital. There were two beds; Jersey took the one closest to the wall so that her Mum could be near the window, as she preferred it that way.

Once she settled into the room, placing all their pictures on the walls she turned to her Mum who was resting on her bed.

“Mum, you remember when you said you wanted to raise some money for research? It was the last thing you wanted to do?” Her Mum nodded her head. “Well, I was thinking that maybe we could put on a mini-concert here for everyone, they could invite their families. To be honest,
I’ve missed playing my guitar, and I haven’t seen Rupert in two weeks. I really miss him.”

Carla could see the pain in her daughter’s eyes when spoke about Rupert; she suspected that he’d been unable to cope with all that was happening in Jersey’s life at the moment. And she couldn’t really blame him, he was only eighteen years old, they shouldn’t have to be dealing with this at that age.

“Jersey, that’s a great idea. I’m sure everybody will love it, and about the Rupert problem, love, don’t worry too much about him, you have to understand this is hard on him too, he doesn’t want to upset you more. Just give him some time, he’ll come around eventually.”

“Now, shouldn’t you be practicing?”

x-x-x

Everybody at the house loved her idea, and the day had come so quickly it was almost a shock to her. She’d tried calling Rupert but every time nobody answered, she felt so alone without him. But, she understood maybe this was all too much for him, and she didn’t blame him.

“Hello, you’ve reached Rupert. I can’t come to the phone ri –“She sighed and put her phone down. It was no use; if he hadn’t tried to contact her it was pretty obvious he didn’t want to see her.

Picking up her guitar she headed to the marquee that they’d been able to borrow off the kind lady next door, who was now their guest of honour.

She reached the mini-stage they’d arranged with a chair and a microphone, also kindly borrowed from the local electronics shop. They had been more than willing to give them the speakers too. It’s was heart-warming when people came together like this, to help others, it really put a smile on Jersey’s face.

“Thank you all for coming here tonight, I hope you enjoy yourselves. This is all for Cancer Research and try and be as generous as you can, another man’s change is another man’s treasure.”

She searched for her Mum in the gathering of people; she was sat near to the front cheering for her in spite of her pain. Seeing her Mum made her nerves go away and she just played from the heart.

“This is a song I wrote especially for my Mum, she’s been so brave through this whole ordeal and she really deserves an award, it’s called Goodbye’s The Saddest Word.”



She hadn’t noticed that she’d begun to cry until her vision became blurred. She looked up at the crowd and especially to her Mum who had been crying too.



There were other girls here who lived with their Mums as well. They knew exactly what she was going through. They were all holding onto their loved ones, she hadn’t meant for the song to be so sad, but at the time she was writing it she couldn’t find it in her heart to be happy.



She had to take a moment to control her tears which seemed to be never ending. She’d held all this inside for weeks, and it was all coming at once.



She strummed the last crowd as the whole crowd stood and applauded her, along with her mother. The look on Carla’s face was that of pride as she looked up at her daughter, she never knew that she could be so strong. Jersey continued the concert with some happier songs and eventually they were all dancing and singing, it was truly the best night of her life.

x-x-x

“One thousand and fifty two pounds, Jers! I am so proud of you.” She hugged her daughter, “that song you wrote was so beautiful. You had everybody in tears. I want you to promise me something, that you will try and smile when I’m gone, I don’t want you crying.”

“I’ll try, Mum. It’s going to be hard but I’ll try.”

“That’s my girl.”

Jersey hugged her Mum but all that was on her mind at that moment was Rupert. She didn’t even want to talk to him; she just wanted a hug from him. She felt so safe with him, like she could take on the world, but right now it was taking a lot of her energy to be this brave. She just wished she knew what was going through his mind.

“Mum, I’ll be right back. I’m going to try and reach him again.”

Carla sighed; she hated seeing her like this. She just wished she could help in some way. Upstairs Jersey had tried calling him six times and each time she couldn’t get through, she was crying hard now as she dialled his number again.

“Hello, you’ve reached Rupert; I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message.”

“Rupert? I need you here with me. It hurts without you, please call.”