Safer to Hate Her

“Are you sure?” Jersey looked down at the paper in her shaking hands and turned her attention back to the doctor who sat in front of her. The doctor smiled at the young girl in front of her, “Yes we are. You know that if you need to speak about this, don’t hesitate to call.”
Jersey wiped the tears that had fallen onto her face, nodding appreciatively at the doctor before leaving the room quietly, stuffing the paper inside her coat pocket. She exited the tall, depressing looking building and took a familiar route down the road, relaxing in the fresh air. She pulled her coat closer around her as she entered the cemetery through the tall iron gates that creaked slightly in the wind.

She edged closer to the grave, sighing in discontent as she took a seat on the freshly mowed grass. She pulled a few weeds away with her hands and placed them in a plastic bag and rearranged the fresh flowers she’d placed there a few days back, as she tried desperately to forget about the conversation she just had and the piece of paper in her pocket.
She pulled her phone for her bag and glanced at the time, she sighed as she realised Rupert wouldn’t be back for another five hours, tears forming in her eyes because she needed him with her now. She felt weak; she needed him to hold her, to reassure her that everything would be okay. Now, she just felt alone as she held on to her legs that were pulled up close to her body.

“It’s too soon, Mummy.” She let her head fall down onto her knees as she quietly cried, a thousand and one thoughts running through her head. She didn’t know how she was going to cope with this; if her Mother had been alive she would have been able to tell her what to do, show her how to cope. She pulled her eyes back up to the grave stone and reached out to trace her fingers over her name, her other hand wiping away the tears frantically, making her hands red.

“Give me a sign, Mum,” She whispered, “anything to let me know I’ll be okay.” She stood and brushed the grass from her legs when she felt something tugging her coat. She looked down to see a full head of golden curls pulled into two ponytails either side of the little girl’s head, Jersey smiled down at her only to receive a toothless grin in reply.

“Janey, it’s rude to do that.” The woman took her daughter’s hand and began walking her back to the bench where they were sat, “I’m sorry about that.”

Jersey smiled at her, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” She turned back to the grave and shook her head smiling. She picked up her bag which sat on the floor near her feet laughing to herself. She placed a hand on her stomach and smiled again, she knew it was going to be hard but she also knew that her Mum would look out for her.

She kissed her hand and then touched the grave before she turned and left, waving to the little girl who watched every step she made.
x-x-x

Jersey knocked on the large door of the Grint household, which had become her favourite place to be over the past few weeks. She rubbed her stomach again before Mrs Grint opened the door who smiled when she saw her there, “Come in, you’ll catch a cold!”

She smiled at her before stepping inside, pulling of her coat and folding it over a chair. She followed after Mrs Grint into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. She smiled at the older woman who hummed to herself whilst making some tea, Jersey didn’t think she knew how much she had helped her after her Mother passed but she did considerably. She took the role of her Mother without Jersey asking and she was entirely grateful to her for being there.

She placed two cups in front of them before she took a seat across from Jersey, “Is there something on your mind, Jers?” Before she could speak, Jersey burst in to tears, the sudden realisation of the situation hit her hard and she couldn’t fight the tears back.

Mrs Grint quickly rounded the table and took the crying girl into her arms, running her fingers through her hair. “You know I’m here to talk.” She whispered. Jersey pulled back from the hug and smiled at her, “I never got to properly thank you for being there for me this past year, and I really appreciate it.” She pushed the hair out of Jersey’s eyes and smiled down at her, “Your Mother would have done the same for my family.”

“Are you lonely in that house?” Jersey nodded and looked down at the table.

“I didn’t want to upset my Gran, she’s been paying for me to stay there and I didn’t want to say. But, I am, especially when Rupert isn’t here and can visit me.”

“You’re more than welcome to come and stay with us, I’m sure your grandparents will understand.” Mrs Grint placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” The woman laughed beside her.

“Jersey, you wouldn’t be intruding. You’re a part of this family now.” Jersey let a few more tears fall as she leaned over and hugged her again, feeling the happiest she had that day.

She looked own into Jersey’s eyes, “There’s something else bothering you, I can see it in your eyes.”

Jersey sighed and picked at her nail varnish, not wanting to look at her in the eye, “You promise you won’t think anything less of me?”
She laughed, “Never, Jersey.”

“I’m pregnant.”