Secret

I woke up feeling worse than ever, and it wasn't from the vodka. My head hurt, my stomach ached, and I all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. I don't understand how I could mess up so badly. I don't know what to do anymore. I lay in my bed for at least an hour, when I heard a knock on the door.

"Go away." I grumbled.

"Nope." Tori said, before letting herself in and sitting beside me in my bed.

"Did Dan kill you last night?" I asked Tori, referring to the fact she's been hiding me from him.

"I'm still here, aren't I?" She partially smiled to me.

"I guess...Tori, I'm so sorry I let this happen. I don't know what I was thinking. I caused problems with your relationship with Daniel and I've been in your way these past few months. I've been taking you for granted, and I feel awful." I began to beg for forgiveness.

"Natalie, it's okay-"

"But it's not okay, Tori! I've ruined everything! My relationship with Dan is beyond fixable, and I doubt Brent will even look at me! I've caused so many issues!" I cut Tori off, starting to panic a bit.

“Natalie, everything will be okay in the end, just give it time.” Tori tried reassuring me.

“It’s funny how one minute I’m the girl everyone feels bad for, and the next minute I’m the bad guy.” I thought out loud.

“You aren’t the bad guy.” Tori tried comforting me. I shot her a look, we both knew that I fucked up.

“That’s just the thing, I am though! everyone tried to warn me about dating Brent, and I just ignored them, because I can’t get anything through my head. This didn’t have to happen, yet I let it happen.” I sighed.

“I know you feel bad now, Natalie, but everything is going to be okay. The bad times will end eventually.” Just then Tori’s phone rang. She glanced at caller I.D., but didn’t answer.

“Who is it?” I casually asked.

“Jon.” She blushed.

“Answer it, then! Don’t let my issues hold you back!” I pressured her. She bit her lip before clicking the accept call button. She giggled a hello to Jon, before walking out of the room.

I lay back down in my bed, running my fingers through my hair. I wanted to feel bad for myself, I really did, but I couldn’t. I had no right to feel bad for myself. This was one hundred percent avoidable, yet I let it happen. At this point, the only thing I could do is try to make things better. Sitting around and moping would only make things worse. I got out of bed and walked into my bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror. Saying I looked like shit would be an understatement. The makeup from last night was left caked on my face, causing my skin to break out slightly. I looked tired and worn out. Turning on the shower, I splashed my face with cold water while I waited for the shower to heat up.

After a few minutes passed by, I quickly stripped off my clothes and stepped into the shower. Normally I use shower time as my own personal concert, blasting music and singing my heart out, but today wasn’t the day for that. I sat on the floor of the shower, allowing the warm water to pool around me. I tried to come up with a solution, but nothing was good enough. Daniel’s words kept ringing through my head, ”Stop running away from your problems”. Just then, it seemed to click. I can’t keep running away like this. The minute things got bad with Daniel, I ran away. The minute things stated to get bad with Tori, I ran away. I’ve always been like this, and I didn’t realize it until now. I need to admit that I am wrong for once.

Sitting in the shower long enough to have my skin turn into a prune, I decided to get out. I dried myself off and dressed in a very simple outfit; jeans, a plain grey V- neck, and Toms shoes. I tied my hair back in a pony tail and put a minimal amount of make up on. I walked into the kitchen and put a slice of toast in the toaster, and poured myself a large glass of water. I noticed a note for me on the kitchen table. It was from Tori:



The note made me smile a bit. I was happy to see Tori happy. I just hope that she chooses the right guy. I see good in both of them, but the question is, will Tori recognize that one is better than the other. Upon finishing breakfast, I brushed my teeth and looked around the apartment, realizing sitting alone around here would only make matters worse, so I decided I needed to leave for a bit to clear my head.

Getting into my car, I rolled the window down to let some fresh air in. Before I knew it, I had driven myself to Water Tower Place. I figured some retail therapy would be a good thing, so I parked my car and entered the large mall. Just the sight of all the clothes made me feel better. I bought myself two sundresses, a pair of khaki pants, a ridiculously high pair of heels, and at least one hundred dollars worth of Lush products before I decided to reign myself in.

Getting back into my car, Daniel’s words continued to ring through my head. ”Stop running away from your problems.” I reminded myself that I had to do something about the mess I got myself into, so I began to make my way to Brent’s apartment, hoping he would be there.

When I got to the door, I was beyond nervous. My palms were sweating, and I didn’t know what exactly to say. Reminding myself that I had to make things better, I forced myself to knock. I waited a few minutes, before Brent opened the door. The minute he saw it was me, he instantly looked angry.

"What do you want?” He grumbled at me.

“I want to talk, Brent.” I quickly answered. He stared at me for a solid twenty seconds before sighing, and opening up the door a little more, inviting me in. Brent led me towards the family room, and I took a seat on the couch.

“Well…talk.” Brent insisted.

“Brent, I came here to apologize. I’m so sorry for what I did to you, I lied, and I shouldn’t have done that.” I began.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Natalie? I’m sure I would have understood.” Brent asked, confused.

“Brent, I’m sorry, I was scared, I was alone, I didn’t know what to do. I thought that if I ignored the problem, it would go away.” I tried to explain.

“You thought the problem would go away?” He asked, incredulous. “You thought that if you avoided your husband for a certain amount of time, he would just go away? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

“I know it is, I know. I just, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so sorry, I wish I never did this to you.” I continued to beg for his forgiveness.

“Natalie, you lied to me. Our entire relationship has been based off a lie. I thought I really meant something to you, but I guess I’m just some distraction.” He laughed to himself. It was one of those “I can’t believe you’re this dumb” kind of laughs.

“You do mean something to me!” I tried to justify myself.

“If I meant something, you would have trusted me with your secret! I would have understood, Natalie. Sure, I wouldn’t love the idea of you technically still being in a relationship with someone else, but I would have understood! Instead you lied straight to my face, and you’ve been lying since the first time I met you. I really thought you were different from all the other girls I’ve met, but you’re just the same as all of them. You’re a hypocrite. You left your husband for cheating on you and lying, yet you do the exact same to him, and to me as well! Do you realize that you aren’t the Damsel in Distress anymore? I don’t think there is anyone in this world that feels bad for you right now!” Brent nearly yelled at me, his eyes full of anger, pain, and frustration.

“I know, Brent, I know! I screwed up big time! I feel awful and I do not expect people to feel bad for me! I came here to try to make things better, not make them worse! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was making things a mess, even though I should have known right away. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, and I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry.” I begged him, but he didn’t say anything. He sat on the couch and stared at the wall. I realized that I said all I could, there’s nothing else I could do, so I got up and made my way to the door to leave. Before shutting the door behind me, I took one last glance back to see Brent just as upset as he was before.

After visiting Brent, I went straight home and immediately put on a pair of comfy pajamas. I noticed Tori was still out, but I didn’t bother calling her, knowing that if she saw a missed call from me, she would begin to worry, and I didn’t want to barge in on her date with either Patrick or Jonathan. I took a nap, and before I knew it, it was already seven thirty at night. Ordering a pizza, I allowed myself some time to lounge on the couch and watch a movie. I decided on Wayne’s World, a favorite of movie of mine. I was almost asleep when I heard a knock on the door. Assuming it was the pizza man, I quickly sprung up and grabbed the money I set on the coffee table. Opening the door, I was surprised by who was there instead.

“You’re not the pizza man,” I stated to the man standing in front of me, which just so happened to be Brent.

“I’m not. I came here to talk about what you said. May I come in?” He politely asked me.

“Be my guest.” I said while gesturing for him to come inside. Brent took a seat at the kitchen table, and I chose the seat across from him.

“I thought about what you said, and I accept your apology. I know I should be mad at you, I know I should never talk to you again, but I can’t do that. You’re special, Natalie. I understand you feel bad for what you did. It’s not okay, but I forgive you.” Brent said to me, and I instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

“Oh, Brent, that’s fantastic!” I exclaimed, happy to hear this.

“There’s something I want you to do for me though.” Brent started.

“What’s that?” I asked, curious.

“I want you to divorce Daniel.” He flat out said, not putting it in casual words.

“Oh, I..um…” I stuttered.

“What’s the matter? Why is this an issue? You still love him, don’t you?” Brent began to fire questions at me.

“No, that’s not it, it’s just…” I tried to find the right words to say, but nothing would be a good excuse.

“You know you’re going to have to choose, Natalie.” Brent sternly informed me.

“I know,” I sighed.

“Who’s it going to be? Me, or him?”