Cold As You.

I couldn't even move from the spot where I sat once she hung up on me. I simply let the phone fall into my lap as I stared into space. I didn't even know what to do from here. This was all falling apart and so was I. I had no intention for her to be so hurt. I closed my eyes and breathed heavily trying to tame the aching in my chest.

What made it even worse was I just let her cry and yell at me. I didn't tell her that I was sorry, or how much I love her, or try to calm her down. I did nothing.

I hung my head deciding this wasn't even worth it. Having her fall in love with someone else would never be as bad as her hating me. The thought alone sickened me.

Only John knew why I was doing this. Why was I? Because I had constantly let her down lately and I knew someone else could make her happier than I was. I couldn't bare the thought of her crying over me again and yet here she was doing just that.

I forced back my own tears as I grabbed up my phone again to call John and hopefully she wouldn't answer.

"What?!" He spat out and I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize to me. I'm not the one balling my eyes out because the person I love is a complete asshole. Stop dragging me into your shit Kennedy! I'm not going to continue hurting her! You need to work out whatever is going on with yourself and come back before you lose the one person who loves you more than anyone else! Get over yourself! She loves you, you love her, she's never going to love anyone else so stop hurting her and get back here and beg for forgiveness! All she does is cry now. I have never seen the girl cry until you. It's fucking ridiculous and all she wants is to stay cooped up with Garrett because unlike the rest of us he is the one person who doesn't know what the fuck is going on. I'm always on your side dude because I know how you are and I know you really do care, but not this time. I'm done. I can't see her like this anymore." He said and the silence that fell between us seemed to stab me in the chest.

"She said she hates me John..."

"Oh come on. We both know she doesn't. She loves you. Get back here and gravel if you have to."

"I just don't know..." I mumbled and he sighed, "Fine. Do you like being miserable Kennedy? Is that it? Or do you just like hurting her?"

"Shut the fuck up John! Hurting her is the last thing I liked to do."

"So you like being miserable?"

"No..." I grumbled.

"Fooled me. Pat deserves to kill you now." John mumbled before hanging up on me.

I sighed knowing that I officially had no one on my side now. I had done nothing but make things worse. I needed to go home and fix this, but I was a coward. I knew that going home would make it worse. Yes, she was crying now, but she would be eventually feel better. Time heals everything. Right?

"What's wrong?" I heard and looked at the door to see my grandmother of all people. Great. If it would have been anyone else I would have been fine, but no, it just had to be her.

My bottom lip trembled and for a minute I felt like a 6 year old kid again who fell and scrapped his knees. Before I knew what was happening I was sobbing like I imagined Cassidy doing. All the pain I held in for so long was too over powering to hold in now.

"John, what's wrong?" She asked clearly concerned. She was the only one who still called me that and I didn't make a big fuss about it.

"I've screwed up everything." I said into my hands not even wanting her to see me crying although it was clearly obvious.

"How so?" She asked in her calm manner and I tried to contain my tears.

"I just have. Cassidy hates me. John and everyone is mad at me."

"But why?"

"Because I don't deserve her! So I left to put some space between us so she could be happy again and I've just made things worse!" I said and she let out a sigh, "Do you love her?"

I looked up at her knowing my eyes were blood shot now, "More than anyone understands." I whispered as I rubbed my eyes.

"Then you deserve her."

"I don't." I choked out, "She - she's so perfect and beautiful and I don't understand why she wants me."

"That's why you deserve her. If you thought that you deserved her you truly wouldn't."

I snifled and stared at my hands, "I don't know how to get her back now. I've screwed up too much."

"If she loves you like I think she does she will forgive you."

"She shouldn't." I mumbled.

"But she will."

I looked over at her and sighed, "What should I do?"

"Well as much as I enjoy you being here you need to go back."

"And if she doesn't forgive me?"

"You don't stop until she does."

"She's probably already all on Garrett to get back at me."

"Do you think she'd do that?"

"No..." I whispered and she nodded, "Go home sweetie. Because there is nothing more you'll regret then if you don't fight for the one you love."

She gave me a smile before leaving the room I had chosen to stay in. I knew she was right. I knew in order for me and Cassidy both to be happy I needed to go home and work it out although it wasn't my nature to do so, I would for her though and that had to mean a lot.

I would wait a few days though. So she could cool off and settle down and so I could make sure I had a flawless plan.A plan that consisted of making sure at the end of the day I had her back in my arms safe and sound and more than that, I had her back happy. I knew it was going to be a difficult task, but I was now determined. My grandmother was right about everything.

I gathered myself together and went into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I decided I needed to call John again. I needed someone on my side fo me to be able to do this.

I grabbed up my phone questioning if he would even answer this time, but after several rings he did just that.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to fix all this. I'm coming home and I'm going to get her back."

He sighed, "When?"

"I figured I'd give her some time to cool down so probably the end of the week. Is that too late?"

"No, I think that's good."

I sighed, "Ok."

"I'm proud of you, Ken."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean things will be fine."

"You are seriously stupid if you think she won't forgive you."

"I deserve her not to."

"But she will because she loves you."

"Yeah...well, I'm going to go. I'll text you later. Can you pick me up from the airport?"

"Yeah man. Just let me know what day and time."

"Ok. Later." I mumbled before we hung up. At least I fixed something.

One step at a time...