Yesterday's Feelings

"I don't know, do you think she'll like it?" John's voice asked as he examined the 24k yellow gold heart with diamonds that the jewelery store clerk was showing him.

Danielle looked up at John, at the jewelry on the counter, and then back up at John, "I think it's pretty." The girl said as she watched the light bounce off the diamonds.

John was torn. He wanted to get something for Ari but he wasn't sure what. He was planning a big night out, a date of sorts, for her last night before going home. John had taken Danielle out to go shopping with the girl, to get a present for Ari, hoping she'd be of some help, also he wanted to get to know her too. She was her own person. "I think it's pretty too." John said. He just wondered, if the necklace would be too much.

John knew they weren't exclusive, but, he was really fond of Ari, and Danielle and he wanted to keep them around for sure. He just wasn't sure that Ari would be keen on coming back and staying here, especially with Eric. Plus she had a life now that existed outside of them, outside of the sports world. She had a career and he didn't know if Ari would be willing to put herself ahead of Danielle's needs, after all, Danielle was her top priority in her life now and nothing was going to change that.

—

Dani and I spent our last day swimming the river, packing, and generally trying to relax around the house before returning back to the hustle and bustle of New York. In some way I felt like this was exactly what I had needed, time away from the stress of the office, of the city. A chance to stop and smell the roses if you would. I know, at the very least, my mother would have agreed with me that this was needed, especially for Danielle. The city was all she ever knew, even for a young girl, with me working as much as I did, it was important for us to go and explore somewhere that wasn't the city.

John had told me that he was planning on taking me out and that Dani was going to be staying in with Eric. I rounded the corner in a slinky black dress to see Eric and Dani sitting on the couch watching old Scooby Doo and arguing over who was the bad guy. I couldn't help but laugh a little, "Alright you two. Enough." My voice breaking their attention from the screen.

"Wow.." Eric muttered as he looked at me, "You look.."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, walking oer to Dani, "You look pretty sissy." She said as she bounded off the couch to give me a hug.

I smiled, "Thank you, Now. Be good for Eric, he's watching you tonight while John and I go out." I said, hugging her close to me. She was growing up so fast.

"I want you back by midnight. We have to get up early for our plane tomorrow sissy." My sister said sternly, wagging her finger at me. She reminded me of a mini version of my mother.

I laughed, "I will try to be back before 1am, how is that?" I asked, kissing the top of her head and leaving Dani and Eric back to the cartoons on the couch.

John and I arrived in Reno and we headed to a japanese restaurant, Ichiban, for Sushi and seafood. It was teppanyaki, Eight of us to a table, There were six at a table when we arrived, we completed the table of eight and the chef got to work on our order. It was entertaining, me having never been to a teppanyaki place before. I laughed with the older woman next to me as we both jumped when the chef in front of us lit the volcano of onion rings aflame.

"You look lovely dear." She remarked, causing me to blush, "First date?" She asked, looking at John and I.

At first I had been apprehensive to talk to her. I didn't know this woman, but, at the same time, i felt like she was the best person, "Um, No, just a night away." I smiled a little, "I fly out for New York in the morning. This is sort of a treat for us."

Shortly after John and I placed our orders for Sushi and our meal, a bottle of Sake arrived, the aprty of six agreed to buy some Sake for John and I to have. The woman complementing on us that we looked so happy together for such a young couple. The night was going swimmingly, John and I were getting along with each other and the other guests at the table. It made me want to stay here, to not leave. But, I had obligations.

"You know." John started as he turned to me in his chair part way through dinner, his arm moving around my chair, "I don't want you to leave tomorrow, but, I know you have to." He said.

I frowned a little, leaning over to kiss John's cheek. "I know, but I have work to do and I'm sure you do too." I said, putting my hand on his forearm.

John nodded, "Yes, that much is true." He sighed, "I, um, I got you a little something so that when you're in New York, you can think of me."

I shook my head as John reached in to his pocket, "John, you really shouldn't have. This whole week has been enough. I promise." I couldn't help but feel excited, scared, and terrified all at once. The last time a Jackson had given me jewelry, I had given it back under unfortunate circumstances. I didn't want this to happen twice.

"Nonsense. My treat." John said as he pulled out the little box and put it in my hands, "I have had so much fun this whole week with you and Dani. I want more." John admitted, his voice quiet, almost as if he was being shy. "I want so much more Ari, like, I want us to really be a couple."

I was really shocked, I was shocked that John would spend so much money on me, that he wanted more, that he was serious. I knew we were feeling each other out, I just didn't realize how interested John was. "John, it's gorgeous. It's too much." My voice was quiet.

"Really, it's nothing." John said, carefully lifting the necklace from the box. I turned as John slipped it on my neck. "I told you, I wanted to do this Ari. I really want to date you." John sighed, "I can come to New York any time to see you, any time. You just give me the word and I'lll be there."

I blushed a little as I ran my fingers over the gold and diamonds, "John, I hate.." I paused, "I hate to point out the obvious, but, what about during the season?" I looked at John as I couldn't help but think about what had happened with Eric. I trusted John. I just wasn't sure I was ready to trust him that much. It had been a long time, but sometimes I didn't feel like it had been long enough.

John ran a hand over his face, "I know that the season scares you. I know why. But I'm asking you to trust me. I'm older, I'm wiser." John paused, leaning in to press a little kiss to me pouty lips, "I know that you're so great and what we could have would be so great that it's not worth destroying for someone who could never be as great."

I looked up at John, looked in his eyes. He was so genuine, so true. That scared me. I had so much in New York, Dani had so much in New York. I had to think about her first. All her friends were there, she still had to finish school (It was only spring break now), and what was left of our extended families were there. I couldn't just up and move us without giving it some serious thought, "What would I do for work? Where would I stay, what about school for Dani?"

"You would stay with me and you wouldn't have to work. There's schools here, good schools." John said, "I've given this some thought and I really, really do want you and Dani here with me." John said, taking my hand in his and lacing our fingers together.

It was all so much to ask right now. It was so sudden, so soon. We hadn't even really dated. Just a few dates and this week. It wasn't like we had been together for six months or a year and he was asking me to move in. It was a week, maybe two. It was so much to think about. What if things didn't work out, then Dani and I have nowhere to go, no home in New York to go back to if things go bad.

I knew Dani had become attached to John and Eric, like they were practically family, they were her uncles. I could see the temper-tantrum now if things went south in the season with John and I. Suddenly Dani was ripped away from them, from her new school, from the place she'd gotten accustomed to. She'd be miserable, upset, and angry. It would be all my fault because I'd have put my wants and needs first, ahead of her.

I bit my lip, "John." I started, giving the older man's hand a soft squeeze, "I promise I will think about what you are asking. Please remember that Dani's needs come first, above my own and she is my number one priority in everything." I couldn't help but feel just a hair guilty. My answer was vague, but the only promise I could make would be to think about the offer and to figure out how to make this work.

John nodded and gave me a gentle kiss, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear, "Just remember that you've given so much for Dani, you deserve to do something for yourself too Ari." and with that we dropped the subject and went back to dinner.

The rest of the evening, the words echoed in my head, "You deserve to do something for yourself too Ari." I knew he was right, and part of it killed me, that he was right. I had worked my ass off to give Dani everything, to keep us afloat after my parents died. I worked so hard and what did I have to show for it? People my age were finishing college, getting married, and starting families. Meanwhile, I was a receptionist at a law firm who devoured a pint of Ben and Jerry's every other night before bed while watching Lifetime movies.