Yesterday's Feelings

So when were you planning on telling me that Eric is— was Married?" I asked, my eyes narrowing just a little as I looked at John. Honestly, I wasn't really mad John for not telling me but a 'heads up' would have been much appreciated. I guess, while I wasn't attracted to Eric anymore, it was still a vital piece of information I suppose I would have liked to know.

John shrugged as he closed the door of the SUV. I wasn't sure why but I had volunteered to take John to JFK for his flight. Maybe it was the fact that I liked John, he meant well most of the time, "I didn't think it was important to mention his failed marriage and all that drama." John said as he picked up his bag.

I sighed, "It would have been nice to know about it, at least so I wasn't so Blindsided when he told me." I frowned and picked up one of John's bags as well as we headed in to the airport, "I feel kind of bad for him." I admitted as I walked next to John.

John shrugged, "We all do. We all feel bad for the little dude too because he's sort of getting a raw deal out of all this, not just Eric. I mean," John paused as we approached the self check-in machines. " I don't know. I just didn't think you'd care so much about it, that's all." John said as he punched in his last name, his voice sounding hurt and just a tad bitter.

I frowned and shrugged. I guess I shouldn't have cared so much. The last thing I wanted to dow as upset John before he flew home to California. We'd had a good couple of dates here and I don't think either of us were ready to quash the good thing we had going on. "I don't, I guess I wasn't just expecting that from Eric." I shrugged as we took his bags to have them checked before heading for security.

John picked up his carry-on bag in one hand and his other hand grasped my hand as we headed for the security gates. There was something so simple and enjoyable about John holding my hand like that. It wasn't really expected but to be honest, I was just being open to anything.

John and I stopped in a terminal way, secuirty lines on either end. "You know, you are always welcome for a visit." John said, looking down at me, "You and Dani both." John said, looking down at me as he set his carry-on on the floor.

I nodded as I looked up at him. John was now holding both of my hands as we stood there, facing each other in the middle of this terminal way, "I know. I.. maybe for spring break if I can get that much time off." I said thinking about Danielle and her school and work. No way would work give me that much time off.

John chuckled, pulling me close and wrapping my arms around him in a hug, his arms around me, "You work, and worry, far too much for someone so young." John said, resting his cheek on the top of my head.

It struck me that John smelled so deliciously good. I wasn't sure if it was the cologne or us being so close together in this hug right now or our dates, "Maybe just a little." I laughed a little, pulling back to look up at the much older man. I felt like I was going to cry, I just didn't want to say goodbye.

John looked at me and smiled, his voice soft and quiet, "Hey." he paused, "Hey don't be upset. I'll be back. Don't cry. It's not good bye, it's just see you later you know?" John said taking a little breath and giving my hands a soft squeeze.

—

"Earth to Ari!" A voice shouted at me, causing me to snap back to reality. Phones were ringing and Colin was standing in front of me. Colin was standing there, staring at me for a little while, "Ari, are you okay?" he asked, unsure, "Look, do you have the Berenstein documents? They're coming in this afternoon and I need them."

Pulled back from my thoughts I nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, I'll find them and get them to you as soon as possible." I said, reaching for the phone that continued to ring off the hook. It wasn't like me to just space out at work like that, I wasn't sure what had caused it but maybe John had been right, I work far too much.

The work day continued but so did thoughts of John creeping in to my mind at every available moment. It was crazy, this was crazy. He had left over a month ago. I mean, he called every week, sometimes twice a week to talk to me but I mean, we just talked and it was good getting to know him all over again. I hadn't just expected him to start creeping in to my thoughts though.

My lunch was spent in an empty boardroom that day. I spent an hour looking over the mass of bodies that were working through their lunches and I got the sudden feeling of being out of place. That I didn't belong in this office. This was a great office with a great boss and great people.

But I was content here. I wasn't 'Happy' in what I did. I felt like I had settled because of my responsibility to Danielle, which, maybe I had. I was just a kid still when my mom and Gene died. I guess I couldn't, and still can't, fathom traveling with people and leaving Danielle behind. It wasn't going to be and it still isn't going to be fair to her.

I was suddenly doubting myself and my choices I had made. I hated it. I hated second guessing myself and if what I did was the right thing. All I knew, as the end of my lunch neared, was that at the very least, maybe I did need a little vacation with Danielle just to get away from work, even if for just a few days.