Endlessly, He Said
t h r e e
“You need to tell your mom he's back.” I bite down on my lip as I listen to my friend speak. His words piercing through me deeper than any knife ever could, but how is he to know that telling her would do nothing. “Or even your father. You know he'd fly out to take care of that bastard.” Not knowing how else to respond to his words, I shrug my shoulders and pull my legs to my chest. I rest my head on my knees and watch Preston as he plays some game on his Xbox.
My mind wonders off to how things once were opposed to how they are now. What do I have to really complain about? He does not have full access to me here as he did there. I am more free than I ever have been, even if he has constricted some of that freedom. I have far more than I ever could have dreamt up. I understand how Preston feels, but what matters with happiness. It is all the more better when a rarity in life.
Preston nudges me, motioning to my phone vibrating on his bed. Biting my lip, I look over to see who it is that is calling. Seeing his name flashing on the screen causes and ice cold chill to run my spine, but I push all negativities away in order to answer the phone with a quiet, “Shwmae.” I stood from the bed, keeping my eyes on the floor as I left the room without a word to Preston. I listen to his screaming and obscene words, taking every name he sends my way. To me, his words are truth, and I know it hurts Preston, as he is the only friend I have here. I continually tells me he wishes I would tell someone, but I cannot. It would really only cause more harm than good.
.
People pass by, not sparing one glace as I sit outside the building my flat is in. My knees are brought to my chest with my arms wrapped around them, my chin resting on my knee. I watch, my eyes shifting from person to person, allowing them to enter and leave my life in the blink of an eye. All thoughts numbed, nothing to focus on save for the faces of randoms passing by.
That is, until I move just enough to cause a shooting pain though my stomach. Nibbling on my lip to bite back tears, I will the images away; not wishing to relive it all again.
.
My teeth between my lip I walk to the café, hoping for it to not be crowded. The less people there to see his treatments the better as less questions to be asked, less glances to be sent, and less pity to be given. It doesn't take long for me to spot him standing outside the building awaiting my arrival. Of course his waiting only fuels his anger. He walks over toward me, each step of his seeming three of mine. He grabs my wrist tight in his hand once close enough, tugging me around the corner to an abandoned alley way.
Shoving me against the closest wall harshly, he pins my shoulder down. Screaming in my face using our native language he lets me know the truths of how horrid I have been. I step beside myself, watching the whole thing play out as though some sick film flickering on an old screen. He pushes harder on my shoulder, forcing a soft whimper from my lips before yelling at me to 'shut up.' My teeth nibble my bottom lip, only stopping to yelp as he slams his fist into my stomach. All air leaves my body, tears clouding my vision as pain becomes the only feeling I have. My mind begs for air to enter my lungs once again, but his fist coming into contact with my stomach once again stops all oxygen from reentering my lungs. I down harder on my lip, drawing a small amount of blood knowing this happens because I did wrong.
.
I deserve it.
My mind wonders off to how things once were opposed to how they are now. What do I have to really complain about? He does not have full access to me here as he did there. I am more free than I ever have been, even if he has constricted some of that freedom. I have far more than I ever could have dreamt up. I understand how Preston feels, but what matters with happiness. It is all the more better when a rarity in life.
Preston nudges me, motioning to my phone vibrating on his bed. Biting my lip, I look over to see who it is that is calling. Seeing his name flashing on the screen causes and ice cold chill to run my spine, but I push all negativities away in order to answer the phone with a quiet, “Shwmae.” I stood from the bed, keeping my eyes on the floor as I left the room without a word to Preston. I listen to his screaming and obscene words, taking every name he sends my way. To me, his words are truth, and I know it hurts Preston, as he is the only friend I have here. I continually tells me he wishes I would tell someone, but I cannot. It would really only cause more harm than good.
.
People pass by, not sparing one glace as I sit outside the building my flat is in. My knees are brought to my chest with my arms wrapped around them, my chin resting on my knee. I watch, my eyes shifting from person to person, allowing them to enter and leave my life in the blink of an eye. All thoughts numbed, nothing to focus on save for the faces of randoms passing by.
That is, until I move just enough to cause a shooting pain though my stomach. Nibbling on my lip to bite back tears, I will the images away; not wishing to relive it all again.
.
My teeth between my lip I walk to the café, hoping for it to not be crowded. The less people there to see his treatments the better as less questions to be asked, less glances to be sent, and less pity to be given. It doesn't take long for me to spot him standing outside the building awaiting my arrival. Of course his waiting only fuels his anger. He walks over toward me, each step of his seeming three of mine. He grabs my wrist tight in his hand once close enough, tugging me around the corner to an abandoned alley way.
Shoving me against the closest wall harshly, he pins my shoulder down. Screaming in my face using our native language he lets me know the truths of how horrid I have been. I step beside myself, watching the whole thing play out as though some sick film flickering on an old screen. He pushes harder on my shoulder, forcing a soft whimper from my lips before yelling at me to 'shut up.' My teeth nibble my bottom lip, only stopping to yelp as he slams his fist into my stomach. All air leaves my body, tears clouding my vision as pain becomes the only feeling I have. My mind begs for air to enter my lungs once again, but his fist coming into contact with my stomach once again stops all oxygen from reentering my lungs. I down harder on my lip, drawing a small amount of blood knowing this happens because I did wrong.
.
I deserve it.