I Left My Heart In Huntington Beach

Nicole’s Pov:

I took a deep breath, letting out a sad sigh. It was Friday, already time for Bella to go home. The rest of this week seemed to fly by. Tuesday we had gone to the movies, Wednesday we had gone bowling, and Thursday night Brian had taken her to chuck e cheese. Time flies when your having fun, which I think sucks.

This week with Bella had been the most eventful, playful, happiest week I’ve had since I moved to Huntington Beach. I already missed Bella, and she hadn’t even left yet. Brian missed her too. I could tell. He hadn’t smiled all morning and kept making Bella more pancakes so she had a reason to stay longer. But after about the 20th pancake, Bella was starting to feel nauseous and he was forced to turn off the stove.

Even I took forever putting Bella’s toys and books back into her bags, staring at each of them for a few moments. The memories I received from each of them made me smile, but I wasn’t happy. I was going to miss Bella, something that I really didn’t think I would be feeling.

I felt Brian rubbing my back. I looked over at him with a sad smile. I saw the corners of his lips trying their hardest to smile back, but they weren’t strong enough. I ran a hand through his hair and looked over at the couch. Snickers was resting her head on one of Bella’s legs as Bella rubbed her little head. Snicker’s ears stayed flat on the sides of her face, her big
eyes staring up at Bella. She looked just as sad as Brian and I.

I heard the door bell ring. Snickers began barking. Bella jumped down from the couch and ran over to Brian and I.

“No, I don’t wanna go!” She yelled, hugging mine and Brian’s legs.

“Aww Bells.” Brian cooed, unlatching her hands from our legs and picking her up in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder as he kissed the top of her head. Tears had started to fall down her porcelain rosy cheeks.

“Don’t cry Bella, it’s okay.” Brian murmured, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumb.

I blinked my eyes, trying to erase the tears as I slowly opened the door. Shauna stood on the porch. Her hair was a mess, she didn’t look like she had slept in days and her socks weren’t matching. I was guessing that counseling didn’t go to good, especially considering she never called me this week to check up on Bella.

Behind her was Rick. I hadn’t seen him since the wedding, but he still looked like the same asshole he’s always been. Just a few more gray hairs here and there.

“Hi Nicole.” Shauna smiled at me before wrapping me up in a hug. “Was she good?” She asked, pulling away slowly.

I nodded my head, afraid that if I tried to speak the tears would escape.

“Good. You remember Rick, my husband.” She stepped aside and pointed a finger at Rick, who lifted a hand without a smile and then shoved his hand back into his pant’s pocket. I did the same.

I took a step back, allowing them into my apartment. Shauna ran over to Brian and Bella, giving Brian a quick hug before taking Bella from his arms. I stayed back by the door. Rick was looking around my apartment, shaking his head every now and then. He ran a finger across my coffee table as if inspecting it for dust.

I knew he was disgusted with my apartment. Rick had never lived, let alone sleep, in anything but a 2 story house that also had a gym and tennis court. His judgments didn’t bother me though, I wasn’t looking to impress him. I wondered if I could persuade Shauna to stay another week so we could keep Bella, but I doubted that Rick would allow it.

I had liked Bella being around. She brought out the best sides in you. I also liked the feeling of me and Brian taking care of something together, each of us having a meaning for everything we do. Maybe I would like to have kids someday. One at least.

I turned my attention away from Rick as a scream echoed through the house. Bella’s arms were stretched out trying to grab any part of Brian’s body she could, as Shauna held her by the waist and tried to pull her back.

“Bella, come on sweetie, it’s time to go home.” She tried yelling, but it was useless over Bella’s earth shattering screams. “Rick, will you get the bags and put them in the car please?” She groaned, yelling at him over her shoulder.

Rick sighed, irritated, and rolled his eyes. God, Prima Donna much? I walked over to the couch, grabbing one of the bags, trying to make it easier for him. He snatched the bag out of my hand and glared down at me.

“I have two hands Nicole.” He snapped before pushing the door open with his elbow and storming down the stairs. I took a deep sigh and bit my lip, not wanting to say anymore inappropriate words in front of Bella.

I turned around to see Brian glaring at the door. He must have heard Rick. I trudged over to Brian, who was now staring at Bella with a sad face. Shauna was rocking her from side to side, trying to calm her down, but it was no use. Bella was still
reaching for Brian, her sobs interrupting her screams.

“I want Brian!” She yelled, her sobs began rocking her tiny body. It broke my heart to see all this going on. I wished I could rewind time and start this week over again, I didn’t want Bella to leave.

Brian ran his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her down. “It’s okay baby, we will see you again.” His voice was low and soft. It reminded me of a lullaby.

Bella coughed, a result of her tears building up. She surrendered and lay her head on Shauna’s shoulder. Shauna stared out the door, looking like she was about to make a run for it.

Rick appeared back in the doorway. He crossed his arms across his chest and whistled, twirling one finger in a circle. “Are we leaving today or what?”

I heard Brian take a deep breath behind me, trying to contain his anger, I was guessing.

“Alright say bye to Auntie Nicole and Uncle Brian.” Shauna said. Her sentence made my heart leap a little, even though it was cracking down the middle at the same time. I liked how Auntie Nicole and Uncle Brian sounded together.

The waterworks reappeared in Bella’s eyes. I wiped away her tears and kissed her softly on her forehead. I smiled at her the best I could, trying to seem strong and wrapped my arms around her fragile shoulders. I felt one her hands wrap around my back and squeeze. I closed my eyes, trying to savor the moment before we were pulled apart.

“Bye Auntie Nicole.” I heard her mumble into my shoulder.

“Bye Bells.” I whispered, planting a kiss on her cheek.

I hesitantly stepped back so Brian could give Bella one last hug. I removed the tears that began to fall out of my eyes. Brian did the same, holding her for as long as he was allowed to. He pulled away as Rick sighed again at the door way.

“I love you Bri.” Bella mumbled, sticking her thumb in her mouth.

Brian’s face lit up and a single tear rolled down his cheek. “I love you to Bells.” He planted one more kiss to her forehead before Shauna pulled her away.

“Alright, well thanks again Nicole, I really do owe you.” Shauna smiled at me, not even phased by all of us crying like babies. I waved my hand, not being able to speak again.

“Thank you too Brian.” She smiled and nodded at Brian. He saluted her.

She walked over to the couch, slinging her purse over her shoulder and walking out the door.

“Finally.” Rick mumbled before shutting the door behind him.

The house instantly felt cold and empty. It felt like something was missing. I already missed Bella’s laugh and seeing her walk around sucking on her thumb and carrying her panda bear.

I walked over to the couch, suddenly feeling lightheaded, and sat down. I turned on the TV. Spongebob was on. I looked to the right of me, hoping that a miracle would happen and Bella would be sitting next to me.

She wasn’t. It was just me, Brian, Snickers and Spongebob. I heard Brian sigh. I twisted in my spot on the couch to see him sit down at the dining table. We both stared at each other for a long time, neither of us knowing what to say.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Brian’s Pov:

It had been about a week since Bella left. Nicole and I were still wrecks. Nicole watched Spongebob every morning, and I took a double glance at every panda bear I saw. I missed Bella’s giggle, I missed her quirky little antics. She had to be the coolest little kid ever. I liked taking care of her with Nicole, in a way it made me feel closer to Nicole. Like we were both part of something together.

I shook my head. I usually never had these thoughts. But I didn’t want to fight them, they felt right.

“Dude did you get any sleep last night?” Johnny asked, taking a seat next to me on the couch.

I shook my head, eyes still on my guitar.

“Why not?”

I sighed. I loved Johnny, but he knew just when to be the most annoying. It was like he had a radar and could detect when you were mad, or sad or just tired, and he knew it was the perfect time to talk your ears off.

I didn’t mean to be an ass, I was just tired. I didn’t have to make any excuse to come to the studio today. In a sick way, that didn’t make me feel so bad. Like I hadn’t lied…yet. Could I go one day without lying?

“I don’t know, I just couldn’t fall asleep.” I answered and began strumming a few chords, checking to see if my guitar was still in tune.

“Oh.” He mumbled, standing up from the couch. “Well, I hope you feel better. And, I’m uh…I’m glad your back. I missed you man.”

I looked up at him with a smile. He smiled back and patted my back, walking in to the kitchen area of the studio. I took a deep breath, enjoying the fact that I was now alone, at least in this room, to concentrate. We had about 20 songs written, 10 that
were a most likely going to be on the record. I just had to finish my solos for 6 of them. So far I had 4 done. I used to have 4 solos written in a minute. I used to have a lot of things.

I needed to get out of Huntington. Even if it was only for a day. I needed to clear my mind, rid myself of my worries. And a few drinks here and there wouldn’t hurt either. Where could I go though? Would Nicole want to come along? I don’t think I would mind if she wanted too.

My thoughts were interrupted, and so was my time alone, when Matt walked in and took a seat next to me on the couch where Johnny had just been. I held in a frustrated sigh and tried to focus on the riff I was testing out. I picked up my pencil and jotted down the notes, deciding that the riff sounded good.

“Got that solo finished Gates?” Matt asked.

I nodded my head, removing my pick from my mouth. “You wanna hear it?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I’ll hear it later. Listen, I need to talk to you.”

I set my guitar down, feeling a bit disappointed that Matt didn’t want to hear my solo. Wasn’t he the one who was bugging me to get my guitar parts done? And then when I do, he acts like he doesn’t even care. I shook my head, trying to concentrate on what Matt was saying.

“Jennifer is going out of town this weekend on a business trip and she wants me to go with her.”

“Cool.” I said with as much interest as I could muster. I didn’t really know why he was telling me this though. Jennifer is the girl he’s been seeing for a few weeks now. I’ve never met her, but Matt sure makes her sound amazing.

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to come along. I‘ve already asked all the guys. Zack is the only one who can make it.”

“Where is she going?” I asked. And then he said those two magic words.

“Las Vegas.”

It was as if my prayers had been answered. I was dying to get away, and even better, I get to escape to Vegas.

“Yeah, sure. I guess I’ll tag along.” I wondered if I should ask if Nicole can come along. Will she even want to come along?

“Hey, is it okay if I bring my girlfriend with me?” I decided I might as well ask just to be sure, even if she ends up not wanting to go.

"You have a girlfriend?" He asked with a shocked look.

I chuckled a little and nodded. "Yeah"

He nods his head. “Yeah, of course. I don’t think Jen would mind at all.”

It grew silent between us. I picked up my guitar and started playing it a little, trying to ease the awkwardness.

“Hey, what the hell happened at the interview the other day? I have known you almost my entire life and you’ve never acted like that.” He laughed.

“I don’t know man, I guess I was just having a bad day.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

I just wanted to be left the hell alone, and no one was allowing that. It was bad enough that I was still upset from Bella leaving, I was stressed, and the record company had set a ridiculously early release date for the album. I had only seen Matt record his vocals 3 times, and I’m pretty sure it was for the same song. Sometimes the record company really pissed me off.

Matt picked up my journal, his eyes scanned the page.

“Sounds good Gates.” He nodded, tracing the lines with his fingers.

“You haven’t even heard it though.” I mumbled and rolled my eyes, still strumming my guitar.

“I know, but just by reading it, I can tell it’s great.” He patted my back and set the notebook back down on the table. A little smile appeared on my face.

“Thanks. So when do we leave for Vegas?”

“Tomorrow.” He began playing with one of my picks.

I nodded and wrote down a few more notes before closing the notebook and setting the pencil and my guitar pick aside.

“I think I’m gonna head home early then so I can pack. I’ll record this at home if you want.” I said over my shoulder as I lay my guitar in its case.

He waved his hand. “Don’t even worry about it dude, you can finish it when we get back from Vegas.”

I nodded my head gratefully. At least I could enjoy this trip in peace.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When I got home, Nicole was sitting on the couch, in her pajamas eating out of a carton of ice cream and watching Spongebob. Spongebob seemed to be the only thing on her TV anymore. I guess because it reminded her of Bella. Snickers was at the bottom
of the couch, begging for Nicole to feed her some of her ice cream.

I set my guitar down by the door and walked over to where she was sitting on the couch. She stared at the TV with a dazed look, like she wasn’t really watching it, or paying attention to what they were saying. I waved a hand in front of her face. I got no reaction.

I sighed and took a seat next to her on the couch, resting my head on her shoulder. Still no reaction from her. I reached out and grabbed her spoon. She jumped and snatched it back, scooping up a huge amount of ice cream and stuffing it in her mouth. I chuckled a little at how fast she had taken the spoon back.

“You must really like your ice cream.”

She nodded her head.

“Baby, I know you miss her and I miss her to, but you can’t keep moping around like this.” I murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She sighed and let go of the spoon.

“I know.” She set the ice cream in my lap and wiped her mouth. It still looked beautiful even with a hint of chocolate on it.

“Listen, one of my friends and his girlfriend is going to Vegas this weekend. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”
She slowly turned her head at me.

“Vegas?” She grimaced.

“Yeah. What’s wrong with Vegas?”

“What isn’t wrong with Vegas?” She chuckled and shook her head. “I don’t know Brian,”

“Heather is going.” I noted, hoping it would make her change her mind.

She still looked a bit hesitant.

“Nicole, you need to get out of this apartment. Out of Huntington! You need to breathe.” I shook her shoulders a little, as if trying to literally shake some sense into her.

She smiled a little. “I don’t know Brian, I haven’t taken a vacation since I moved here. That’s about 6 years.”

“Then your definitely over due for one.”

“What about Snickers? Who is going to take care of her?” She pointed down at Snickers, who was now begging me to feed her. Shoot, I hadn’t thought of the dog. I even forgot about my dog. I bit my lip, thinking of someone who could watch both our dogs. I debated over Jimmy and Johnny. I decided on Johnny. As much as I loved Jimmy, he could tend to get a little crazy.

“My friend Johnny can. He watches my dog all the time.” Okay that was kind of true. He had only watched my dog for a few minutes while I went to the bathroom. But I bet he could handle a weekend. They were two little dogs, how much trouble could the two
of them possibly get into?

She looked down at her hands, probably debating in her mind whether to go or not. I put the lid on the ice cream and set it down on the coffee table.

“Heather’s going?” She asked, looking up at me through her eyelashes.

“Yup.” I nodded with a smile.

I don’t know why I wanted Nicole to come along with me so bad. It’s not like I was going to get into any trouble if she didn’t come. Maybe it was for my sake, I would miss her. And with the way she’s been acting lately because of Bella, I would be worrying about her every minute which wouldn’t leave me much time to enjoy the trip.

A part of me also wanted to get her out of here, let her experience something she’s never had the chance to experience before. Yeah, even I’m surprised I’m being this thoughtful.

“Okay, I guess so.” She mumbled after a few seconds. I smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

“Alright, let’s get packing.” I announced and stood from the couch, clapping my hands together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Nicole’s Pov:

I took a deep breath, zipping my suitcase up. Brian sighed and lay back on my bed, setting his hands on his face. I giggled a little. He tore one hand away from his face to look at me, a smirk appearing on his lips.

“What’s so funny?”

I shook my head and picked up my suitcase, setting it down on the floor. I crawled onto the bed and lay down next to him.

“Nothing.” I mumbled. He turned on his side to face me.

I turned my head to stare back into his eyes. He leaned in, slowly closing the gap between us and pressing his lips against mine. They were warm, how they usually were, and his tongue worked the magic it was so good at. He pulled away, much to my disapproval, and got up off the bed. I involuntarily let out a little whine.

“What?” He asked, chuckling a little.

“We were having a moment.” I pouted.

He smirked a little and lay back down on the bed, kissing my forehead. “I’m sorry, but if we want to get out of here on time tomorrow, I need to go pack.” He ran his fingers through my messy bun. I pouted a little more, realizing he had a point.

“Well, why don’t I help you? I mean you helped me with mine, it’s the least I could do for you.”

“Well if we are making offers here, can I ask for something else?” The smirk didn’t move, and one of his eyebrows perked up.

“Okay,” I said slowly, a little scared at what might come out of his mouth. “What would you like?”

“Sex.” He simply stated.

“What?!” I asked and rubbed my ear, wondering if I had heard him correctly.

“I want us to have sex.”

I should’ve prepared myself for this kind of answer, the smirk never meant any good. And, come on, it was Brian.

I shook my head, and stared at him wide eyed. He had to be joking. “Brian,” I gaped. “I don’t think I can do that.”

The smirk began to waver. He nodded a little and looked down at his hands. “I just, I thought you might be ready,” He mumbled.

“Brian,” I whispered, running my fingers over his cheek. I felt bad rejecting him, it’s not like he didn’t deserve it, and it’s not like I never would have sex with him…just not right now. It’s not the right time.

He shook his head and looked up at me, a sad smile on his face. He kissed my forehead and tried to stand up from the bed again.

“Brian, please let me explain.” I pleaded, reaching out for his hand. I luckily caught it. He turned and sighed, not meeting my eyes. “Please sit.” He obeyed and took a seat at the edge of the bed, not turning to face me.

I crawled over to him and threw my arms around his neck. I rested my chin on his shoulder.

“Brian, I just don’t feel like it’s the right time. I want to, believe me I do. And when I’m ready we will. I just,” I paused and took a deep breath. The memories flooded back into my mind. I felt Brian turn and his arms snake around my waist. I didn’t want to meet his gaze, but I could feel it on my face. Watching, waiting for my next move. I pulled my eyes up to
meet his. They stared at me with a mix of concern and confusion.

I shook my head, not knowing how or where to start. I didn’t want to have to tell him the story, it hurt enough just thinking about it.

“I just want it to be the right time.” I tried to keep the tears from falling. But it was no use, they pushed themselves down my cheek anyway.

I lowered my head, wiping them away frantically and praying that Brian hadn’t seem them

“Why are you crying baby?” He whispered, trying to lift my chin up. I pulled my head away from his hand and jumped from the bed, running into the bathroom.

“Nicole!” I heard him yell after me. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I sat on the toilet and set my face into my hands. The tears began to freely fall. Everything came back. All the emotions, the look on his face, the tour bus leaving, the tone that the doctor had used. It all felt so real, like I was reliving it.

There was a knock at the bathroom door. “Nicole, please open the door.” Another bang. “Please come out and tell me what’s wrong”

I took in a shaky breath, trying desperately to stop the tears. I probably looked like a lunatic to him.

“Nicole, let me in.” I heard him shake the doorknob. I took a couple more deep breaths and splashed some water over my face before slowly opening the door.

I stared at my feet. But my shoes were soon blocked as a pair of tattooed arms pulled me in close. The tears took this as their cue to continue. I nuzzled my head into his neck, choking out sobs.

“Shh Shh Shh, it’s okay.” He whispered and lifted one hand to stroke my hair.

After a few minutes, I had calmed down, having no more tears left to cry. I removed myself from his arms and sat down on the bed. Brian stood in the door way, staring at me like he was studying a piece of art.

I just wanted to crawl under the covers and lie there all day.

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” He asked after a few moments.

I sighed and closed my eyes, wondering if I could. If I had the strength. I had never talked about any of this. No one knew, not even Heather, my best friend.

“If you can’t that’s okay, but I just want you to know I’m here for you.”

I lifted my eyes to meet his. He stared back into mine. I had never seen his face so serious. No smirk, no smile, not even a glimmer in his eye. He was completely serious.

I took a deep breath and waved him over. He uncrossed his arms and slowly walked towards me. He sat down next to me on the bed, grabbing my hands and lacing our fingers together.

I took another breath, praying that I could do this. He gently squeezed my hand.

“Do you remember James?” I asked. This story was so messed up I didn’t even know where to start. Brian nodded. He had a little glare on his face, probably remembering that day on the sidewalk.

“I met James when I was 18, right when I moved here. He was the one who actually got me that job at the library. His mom used to work there. Anyway, we instantly liked each other. He was sweet and funny, and he had so much ambition. He was going to go to law school. But he got some really shitty friends from hanging out at the bars and soon he dropped out of college and came home telling me that he was going to be in a rock band.” I snorted and shook my head, it still sounded stupid to this day. I looked at Brian to see him staring intently at me. I took another deep breath before continuing.

“So our relationship began to crumble, as you can guess. Between his useless band practices and gigs that didn't pay, the only time I saw him was at night when I was in bed. And even then he didn’t get home until 3 or 4 in the morning. I was pulling all the weight, putting the food on the table and clothes on our backs. The band became James’ entire life, and I was pushed out of it more and more each day.” I spoke slowly.

I looked over at Brian again, to make sure that I wasn’t putting him to sleep. He was still giving me his full attention. I couldn’t tell if that made me feel better or just increased my anxiety of having to tell this damn story.

“One day, I came home from work and he was standing by the couch, 4 suitcases around him. He told me he was leaving me, the band had gotten a slot on some tour as an opening band. I looked out the window and sure enough, there was a white van across the street, all his losers buddies standing around it.” Breathe, just breathe. I guess I did have more tears somewhere in me, because they began to make their way down my cheeks as I reached the memory. The one that I would be trying to forget for the rest of my life.

“I was pregnant. I had found out the night before and was so excited, I came home early to tell James. I was 18 years old, pregnant, and my boyfriend was leaving me.” I choked out, trying to speak through the sobs.

“So, you have a kid?” Brian asked softly.

I shook my head, wiping away the tears, just making room for more.

“I lost it. I had a miscarriage. Never even got to know if it was a boy or a girl. James never knew. That is the only reason I hate him for wanting to be a musician. Because of his stupid dream he left me, he left his baby.” My words were cut short. I couldn’t speak through the tears anymore. I felt Brian pull me into his arms again. I held onto his biceps. He softly rocked me side to side until I calmed down.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brian’s Pov:

Holy shit. Holy, shit. I stared down at Nicole as her tears began to soak my shirt. I didn’t care about my shirt though. I couldn’t quite comprehend what she had just told me. It didn’t seem real. Was this a sign that I had to tell her my secret? It felt like it. I had never felt more hatred towards myself.

What I was doing to her was almost as bad as what James did. I’m lying to her, I’m living two lives and she’s only welcome in one. I shook my head, the emotions in the room were building up, and I was beginning to not be able to handle them all.

I felt sad for Nicole, then hate for myself, then extreme hate for James, then sadness for the beautiful little baby that Nicole never got to see or hold.

“I’m sorry if that’s to much for you to handle. But I don’t want to lie to you or keep things from you.” She whispered, staring deep into my eyes.

I tore my gaze away from her. I didn’t deserve her, she didn’t deserve me. She didn’t deserve how I was treating her, keeping everything about who I am from her. She’s just told me her deepest, darkest secret. Why couldn’t I do the same?

I had to tell her, I couldn’t do this anymore. It was killing me.