Blessed With a Mess

I didn't wake up until late the next afternoon. I felt physically and mentally exhausted still, like I could sleep the world away. Looking in the mirror, I looked no better. Make up was smeared down my face from the tears shed the night before. "Fuckin' hell," I groaned, wiping my face.

When I went downstairs, Ben wasn't there. There was no note, text or anything. I rolled my eyes, plopping down on the couch where the blankets he slept in the night before still were. I wrapped my body in the blanket.

Ben's smell from the blanket hit me and I sighed, blinking away precursor tears. I missed Ben. I missed how Ben and I used to be.

The door unlocked and I looked up to see Ben come inside. We made eye contact and I quickly looked away. He looked just as exhausted as I did.

"I found texts on yeh phone," he spoke.

I nodded thinking back to the texts from James. James and I were close, really close. With all of mine and Ben's fighting, we've even grown closer. James and I have been texting things we probably shouldn't have been to each other. I was guilty and I knew that.

Ben sat down next to me, sighing. I looked at him and he looked at me. We stared at each other, sadness filling both our eyes. "We're not fighting," I spoke softly.

He nodded. "It's been a long time since we 'aven't, hasn't it?"

I nodded, looking away. "Remember when we never fought?"

"When we were invincible," he added, looking at the television that was off.

"Were invincible," I repeated, emphasizing the 'were.' Ben and I were practically made for each other at one point. I don't know when it happened, we grew out of it. I loved him. I knew he loved me. "None of this is working," I whispered.

Ben sighed, closing his eyes. "I know."

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head and blindly grabbed my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "Fings happen," he murmured. "Fings happen and people change."

"We've changed."

He nodded, opening his eyes. "Maybe," he started. "Maybe we should see other people."

I looked over at him sadly. We both didn't want this to happen, but it was evident. "If it's for the best."

"Are yeh happeh?" He asked, looking over at me.

I shook my head, looking at my feet. "No, Ben. I'm not."

"We shouldn't fight like this."

"I know."

Ben sighed, closing his eyes again. "It's for the best then, Olivia."

I nodded, leaning against the couch. "I'll start looking for places to live, then."

Ben's eyes shot to mine before he quickly shook his head. "No, yeh don't have to leave. I'll move my stuff to the guest room. Keep the suite. Let's take this one step at a time. I love yeh. I don't want to lose yeh completely."

I smiled lightly. "If that's what you want."

"It is," he added. "I don't want to live wiff anyone else yet. No one knows me like yeh do."

"So we're seeing other people?" I asked.

He nodded slowly. "Guess so." I felt Ben squeeze my hand one more time before getting up from the couch and go upstairs. I heard dresser drawers open and shut. I closed my eyes listening to Ben move all his things.

Maybe this was for the best.