That's Why I Got a Heater For Your Thighs

I was sitting in our livingroom.

It was dark outside and pretty dark inside, too. I didn't have many lights on.

I sat there, holding my baby and looking down at him. His little eyes were closed and he was asleep.

I was numb.

I didn't feel anything. But I wanted to feel something, anything. I wanted to be happy and sad and everything in between.

I kept looking at the baby, realizing that to me, it was just a baby. It wasn't my kid. It was just a kid. It was Jimmy's child if anyone's.

Jimmy would be home soon, I kept telling myself, as I sat there. He would be back really soon. There was nothing to worry about. As long as the baby was asleep, everything was okay.

I kept looking at the child until Jimmy came back home about twenty minutes later. He walked into the livingroom and turned on all of the lights.

He looked at me and the baby and then flashed a smile.

”How are you doing?” he asked me and took a few steps closer. I lifted up the baby and started handing it to Jimmy.

”Please take him,” I mumbled. Jimmy took the baby and furrowed his eyebrows.

”Did something happen? Are you alright?” he asked me.

”I'm going to sleep,” I mumbled and stood up from the couch. He didn't stop me as I wandered into our bedroom.

As I was getting in bed, he appeared in the doorway.

”The guys are coming over,” he said quietly, ”And the girls, too. Everyone would like to see you.”

”I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood,” I mumbled and got under the blanket.

”It's the first time they see the baby. Everyone's excited.”

”Mmhm.”

”Your sister's coming, too.”

”Okay.”

”Oh, come on, Rachel. This is getting beyond stupid. What am I supposed to tell everyone? That you've just decided to not see anyone ever again?” he muttered.

”Whatever, I don't care. Say whatever you want,” I muttered and closed my eyes.

”Fine.” And then he was gone. I sighed and tried to get some sleep.

About an hour later I heard a lot of people coming into our house. Everyone was being loud which annoyed me. I tried to bury myself under the pillows but it didn't help.

Then, suddenly, I heard someone open the door into our bedroom. I opened my eyes and saw Zacky in the doorway.

He walked in, followed my Brian. They closed the door and sat down on the other side of the bed.

”Listen, Rachel, even though I'm a guy, I've got to say that you have made a very cute baby with my best friend,” Brian started, ”And I don't understand why you don't spend all your time just looking at that little baby.”

”And I'm not a woman so I can't know what you're going through, but for fucks sake, Rach, Jimmy is worried about you,” Zacky said.

”Did he send you guys here?” I muttered.

”No. He doesn't know what to do with you.”

”I know.”

”So, we're here to make you realize some things. First of all, Jimmy loves you more than anything. More than his drums, surprisingly. You need to give him some loving, show him that you care,” Zacky said. Brian was nodding his head.

”And we all like you. We want you to hang out with us again. We want you to be a part of this family again. Nobody wants to see you being like that. And you're not even chubby anymore! What's happened to our little Rachel?” Brian said and started grinning. He ruffled my hair.

”Guys, I'm really tired...” I mumbled.

”Live a little, Rach. What if the world would end tomorrow? This is all you get. You get one life and you have to live it while you still can. Who knows, we all could die tomorrow. Hell, the world could end on this very second, right now. And really, what could we do about it? Absolutely fucking nothing. So, while we still can, we have to live,” Zacky said.

I knew he was absolutely right. He had a point but that didn't change the way I felt.

”And not to make this all about you, we're here because of Jimmy. We hate to see our brother down. He hasn't been that miserable in ages.”

”I know, I know,” I mumbled with a sigh, ”Thanks, though. I'm glad you're worried about Jimmy and take care of him.”

”It's not just him, Rach. You're one of us, too. Don't forget that,” Brian said. They both stood up and walked to the door.

”Could you ask Jimmy to come up here?” I asked quietly. They nodded and left.

A few minutes later Jimmy walked into the bedroom and closed the door after Jimmy.

”What is it?” he asked me.

I got up from the bed and walked to him. I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him into a tight hug. He held me tightly for a moment before pulling back a bit.

”What's wrong?” he asked me quietly, ”Is everything okay?”

”Yeah. I just... I'm sorry about everything. I love you, Jimmy, I really do,” I mumbled and rubbed my face with my hands.

”I know you do. Don't worry about it, baby,” he mumbled and pulled me into a quick kiss.

”You can go back down, now,” I mumbled with a shrug.

”Come with me. Everyone wants to see you.”

”No, I'll just get some sleep. I'll call everybody in the morning or something,” I said. He pinched my cheek before ruffling my hair.

”Can I sleep in here tonight? With you?” he asked. I bit my lip and nodded.

”Of course you can. You don't have to ask if you want to come here.”

”Thank you, Rachel.”

”Thank you, Jimmy.”