Just Like Heaven

I spotted Paula as soon as I got to baggage claim. She gripped me into a hug and kissed my cheek, "Hey!"

"Hi." I said against her shoulder.

"How was it? I mean...well, how was everything on the way home?"

I shrugged, letting her go, "Me and my mom had a bonding moment of sorts. I told her everything." I grabbed my bag as soon as it came around.

"About Mikey?" I nodded, we began to head towards the exit, "What'd she say?"

"She gave me some advice that I am going to use."

"Like what?"

I told Paula everything my mom had said. I told her I was gonna speak to Mikey as soon as I got home. We were near my car when she stopped me, "You can't...like literally."

"What do you mean?" I cocked my brow slightly.

"He's been moving out. Last night, I saw him moving boxes and I asked one of the guys that was with him, what was happening, and he said Mikey was moving back to New Jersey."

I frowned, "He left?"

Paula nodded sadly, "I'm sorry. I wouldn't've told you, but I barely found out last night, and I thought you wouldn't have cared."

My heart sank into my stomach, and I wanted to cry again. But, my body was tired and drained of tears, "Shit."

"You could call him?" Paula suggested this meekly.

"This all would've been better said in person." I told her, "Fuck."

On the ride home, I was quiet. I didn't have the energy to talk. My whole plan went out the window. All I wanted to do now was get some tea and go to sleep, again. Paula hated seeing me like this, she kept telling jokes and patting my shoulder -none of it helped.

When we got home, I looked for him. I wanted to see him waiting by the mail boxes, waiting to see me, but he wasn't there. Tears finally filled my eyes, I followed Paula up the stairs and to my apartment.

"Do you need anything?" Paula asked, handing me my car keys.

I shook my head, "No, I'm good." Tears finally fell down my cheeks freely.

"I'm sorry, M." Paula hugged me tightly.

"It's okay." I lied.

I am such a liar.

I went into my apartment, closing the door behind me. I set my bag down, and lumped my way into the kitchen, and began to make myself some tea.


I lazed on my couch, watching Rushmore for the millionth time, and drank warm, honey dripping tea. I had fallen asleep countless times and woken up and put Rushmore on replay. I didn't have much to do, and I had to force myself into work in the morning. 

Just as I was going to give up and go to bed, there was a knock at my door. I looked at my door, then at my TV. I sighed, pausing Max's sulking at his mother's grave, and got up.

"Paula, I'm fine," I said, before I opened the door, "I have work--"

My sentence was stopped short. There he was. Mikey Way at my door. 

My jaw slacked, lack of words, if I could form any. I just looked at him. His hair was shaggier than I remember, even after less than a week. His skin seemed paler, the darken bags under his eyes were heavier, and his face was stoic as always.

"What're you doing here?" I asked him, swallowing the forming saliva in my mouth.

"To see you, can I come in?" Even his voice seemed to sound different.

I had nothing to lose.

"Come in." I agree softly.

Mikey closed the door behind him, stood in front of me, looking as if he didn't know what to say. Maybe he didn't, because I was at a loss for words myself.

"I...love you, Morgan, I do. I really...really, do." He stammered, saying anything, finally.

"Then why are you leaving?" I pressed, my voice cracked a bit.

"Because...I just have to." He stressed this tiredly.

"You love Alicia more than me, right?"

He shrugged, truly as if he had no real answer, "I don't know."

"Well," I tighten my jaw, "I hate that you don't know. I wish we could go back to how we were before we had dinner with them. I want it to be just us again."

He shook his head, "It can't."

"Why not?" I asked heatedly.

"Because, Alicia's pregnant."

My jaw slacked again, "By who? Not by you, I hope." I spat.

He looked down, ashamed. My breathing grew heavy, as the truth sunk in, my heart began to race as well.

"When did you cheat on me?" I glared at him.

A guy cheating on me was nothing new, but this was Mikey. The "love of my life".

"When I went back to Jersey."

That's when I lost it. I got mad and I hit him. I slapped him, I never balled my fist, I just kept slapping him until he got control and grabbed my wrist, twisting me and forcing me against the wall. I never screamed, I just made sad, angry, grunting noises at him.

He stared down at me, both my wrist high above my head, I didn't say a word. Nothing I would have asked would have satisfied me. Knowing why he cheated would bother me too much, plus I knew a bit as to why. 

Mikey glared back, you could see red hand prints, where I had slapped him, the blood rushed to them quickly. His face was flushed, too, he never looked angry, just exhausted and gaunt-like. He leaned forward, inches from my face and didn't hesitate to kiss me.

He kissed me so smoothly, I didn't even fight back. I kissed him, back, thinking that since I couldn't have him, I might as well use him. Use him to satisfy me one last time before he left me.

We kissed for the longest time before he let my wrist go and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He led us to my bedroom, still kissing me and shoving his hands down the back of my pajama bottoms. We got to my room and he tossed me on the bed. The whole thing was animalistic.

He tore his jeans off, then his shirt and underwear. He pulled my bottoms and underwear off in record time, and pulled my top off. His lips went to my chest, kissing at my exposed breast and letting his hands grip my nude waist.

In one swift motion, he was inside of me. He didn't even give me time to adjust to him, he just took me. He thrust himself in and out of me, grunting like an animal, biting at my skin and kissing where he had. His fingernails dug into my backside, pulling my body closer to his, our hips slapped together very loudly and harshly.

I cried out, telling him to slow down, I wasn't enjoying myself. He didn't listen, he just kept going, abusing my body. I didn't mind, I was having Mikey, my true love, before he left me for good. Anyway I could have him, I was gonna take it.

Finally, his pace was spastic, he finished, releasing his seed deep inside of me and fell on top of me. He was still inside of me, panting, he looked down at me, "You didn't...?"

"No." I said, "You're like a banshee."

He kissed my lips, pulled out of me, but still lay on top of me. He propped himself up, and moved his lower half from me. He slid his hand down my stomach, he began to kiss my neck, slowly leaving love trails, and let his hand touch my warm, sore middle. I hissed slightly, feeling him slip two fingers inside of me.

"I'm sorry, Morgan. Forgive me. I love you." Mikey repeated these words as he built me up.

I began to slightly cry, his sloppy love trails made me feel cheap and dirty. I felt even worse as his fingers tried to get me off. My body betrayed me by getting aroused, letting that feeling build, dirtying me up like a tramp. I shut my eyes, moaning over my tears, my body shuddered and shook as I came. I cursed at myself, crying harder, refusing to open my eyes.

"I love you, Morgan. I love you, please don't hate me." Mikey kissed my lips, his hand left my poor, abused core and held onto my hip.

As much as I hated that moment, I didn't hate Mikey. I hated myself, but I didn't hate him. I love Mikey, no matter what he did; he's my true love, even if he didn't feel that way about me anymore.