My Wonderful Insanity

i sat on top of the tall stone that told me my father laid before me.
( my name is Diskay Dellmare I'm 17 years old, i have dark brown eyes and black spiky hair.
my mothers name is july, she has long dark blonde hair with sky blue eyes.
my brother's name is Mickal, were twins so we have the same facial details except he has long black hair down to his chest, he's a prick although he can be nice, well to me )
i watched mickey dump Craig's body in the deep hole he had dug just for his bloody and beaten dead ass, to be honest he deserved to sleep forever, my mum was lucky he was out of her life, she deserved better.
"hey dice, get your ass down here and help me why don't you" mickey huffed at me, i leaped down picking up a shovel and helped cover the body with dirt.
my ringtone went off alerting me someone was calling, i answered the phone that was wedged in my pocket
"hello"
" hey just wanted to know if you new where craig was " my mother said, the words ringing through my head, what was i going to say, this is the third time i'v lied to her and i don't like lying to my mother it brakes her heart that has only just healed.
" yeah he's gone he said to tell you that you were good in bed and all but he found someone else" i herd her voice break and her breathing go uneven
" oh..."
" i'll kill him if you want me to, he's a basted and doesn't deserve to live" well the good side is if she says yes its already taken care of.
" no dice i'm fine, look im gonna get dinner on so get back here soon, ok "
" ok, we will " i hope mickal's finished we gotta go
" alright, bye"
" bye" i said hanging up and wedging the phone back in my pocket
" hey mickey, you done" i asked, giving him a look of sadness
" yeah, we gotta go" he asked back
"yeah"
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we raced inside running into the bathroom, i sighed looking in the mirror at the dirt and blood all over are clothes and faces
" i bags first shower" mickal cheerfully said
" arh-ha, and where am i gonna go well you do that" i asked
" your bedroom" he said bluntly
" fine" i said walking out and sneaking into my room, the thought of hurting myself slid it's way into my mind until i had no control over my body, i pulled out a small razor from the black box set next to my bed, digging the blade into my arm again and again, blood pored down my arm onto my bed like a dark read painting done just for me, i sliced and diced until i couldn't take the pain anymore, i herd a knock at the door that made me jump
" what" i said barely pushing the words out my mouth
" it's me you can have a shower now " i didn't reply instead i made my way to the door opening it revealing what i had done to mickey
" diskay" he was wide eyed, he grabbed my arm strongly making the blood flow down my arm harder and thicker
" what have you done " he asked
" mickey i cant take it anymore, i know all this pain and hurt will disappear one day but when they do i will not be happy i won't even be human anymore, now tell me how the fuck can i live with myself if all i see in the future is blood" I cried softly, he pulled me into a hug, holding me tight
" i will never let you turn into that dice, i will never let you become like dad, not ever, and i want you to realize it's not are fault were different thats just how we are but what matters is what you decide not what you are "