The True Lies of the Once Fabulous Killjoys

In the living room Lauren settled down onto the sofa across from Mikey nervously. Her eyes were focussed on her intertwined fingers while she processed her past in her mind. She flicked her eyes up momentarily; Mikey was looking at her patiently, his eyes understanding.

“I didn’t feel like I was wanted or needed around here anymore,” she began sadly, almost whispering the words. “Gerard and Frank were really tight, Ray and Bob had finally admitted to the way they felt about each other, the band was coming together so well that I hardly saw any of you because you were always off rehearsing somewhere... and then there was you...”

“Me?” He wanted more information.

She shook her head – she couldn’t tell him. “I went to New York and started medical school as planned, was renting this little studio apartment and everything was great. After a couple of months I met this guy; he was nice to me, showed me around New York and made me feel like I mattered. I just wanted to be wanted by someone, so we started dating. I trusted him,” her words faltered slightly as the memories that she’d been blocking out returned, “and then I found out that he used to be a Draculoid – he was there that night at the airport... the attack was his idea... and he remembered me.”

Mikey’s mouth gaped open at her admission. He attempted to form a sentence a few times, but each time he would close his mouth again, unsure what to say.

“He told me he wasn’t that person anymore, but I was scared... I couldn’t be with someone who was once a Draculoid, not after that night at the airport. I tried to leave him, I really did, but he wouldn’t let me – he became that person again... he would hit me when I said I wanted to break up, and then tell me he was sorry and only did it because he loved me too much to lose me – I believed him.” Lauren wiped at the tears that were rolling down her cheeks already. The memories were painful, but she continued. “When he got angry I’d sleep with him just to calm him down, but sometimes he’d be violent during that, too.”

“One day he barged into my apartment and accused me of cheating on him. He called me a whore... and said...” she let out a rigid sob. “that he would treat me like one.”

“Oh, Lauren... no,” Mikey said disbelievingly, shaking his head for emphasis.

She nodded weakly, and with all the strength she had, managed to meet his eyes. “He pushed me onto the bed and tore my clothes off... slammed into me and kept shouting that I was a dirty whore... I cried the whole time... And then he left – no goodbye, just a few five dollar notes thrown onto the bed, and a completely trashed apartment. I only saw him once again after that.”

She was sobbing uncontrollably at this point in her story. The memories of her old boyfriend killed her inside. Mikey felt so much sympathy for her. He joined her on the sofa and enveloped her into a comforting embrace. There was no possible way to console her, he realised, so he waited until she was ready to continue.

Her sobs quietened after ten minutes.

“I acted like a whore,” she whispered into the silence. Her arms were hugged around herself. “I began to sleep around with any guy who was willing, some even paid me. I became an alcoholic at the same time. It was just an endless cycle of sex and booze mixed with occasional drug use when it was offered to me. I was always drunk because I couldn’t stand the person I was when I was sober. And then I dropped out of medical school.”

“How long did all this go on for?”

“I’d only been away from here for about five months,” she answered. “I found out I was pregnant and realised that I had to change. I left New York almost immediately, and just drove and drove until I found a town where I felt I’d always be safe.”

“Idaho.” Mikey stated.

Lauren proceeded to tell Mikey about what her life had been like in Idaho. She first told him about the little cottage she had obtained when she first got there. Other than Ben, it was the thing she was most proud of in her new life. It had been in absolute squalor when she first moved in, but after being there for four years she had transformed it into something cosy. Her front garden was no longer a patch of dirt; now there was a beautiful concoction of green grass, bluebells, and lavender. With a lick of paint and a few homey furnishings and she had managed to make the inside look as beautiful as outside.

She told him about the job she had as a receptionist at the local medical clinic. Her boss, Dr. Jeffery Lawrence, knew of her situation as a single mother and was kind enough to allow Ben to come to the clinic with her. Sometimes it was difficult keeping Ben under control and processing all the administrative work at the same time, but she was more than happy to do it because she really didn’t have the money for day care.

“How about friends? Do you have any in Idaho?” Mikey asked after she finished telling him about her work.

“There are people I talk to, but I wouldn’t consider them friends.”

“So no one ever watches Ben for you so you can have a night to yourself?” The concern was evident in his voice.

She shook her head. “Ben’s dad... I don’t what he’s capable of.” She went into thought for a moment. Then: “He was angry at me for being pregnant – somehow he found out and confronted me about it – and even angrier when I left New York. I’m always scared that he’ll come after me to get revenge. I never let Ben out of my sight for more than half an hour at a time because of how scared I am; it may not be beyond him to harm Ben, and I won’t let that happen. If it wasn’t for the fact that you sounded so urgent tonight and that I was here with four ex-Killjoys who still have their ray guns I wouldn’t have left without him.”

When Mikey looked up from his mug of coffee he was met with the sight of Lauren trying to wipe away a few stray tears, her head down. He reached out his hand and placed it over hers that was lying on the countertop. As she glanced up at him he spoke softly.

“You shouldn’t have to spend your life being scared,” he said with complete sincerity. “I wish you’d never had to experience the things you told me tonight.”

Those words were her breaking point. The tears streamed down her cheeks and sobs were retched from her throat. Mikey quickly came around to the other side of the island and enveloped her into his arms without a second thought. She latched onto him, digging her nails into his shoulders. As she cried she spoke incoherently about how scared she was.

“I’m always behind on my bills... I never have enough money to even buy little treats for my son... and... and he can’t even have play dates with his friends because I’m scared his dad will turn up... I’m messing up his whole life, Mikey!” she rambled between sobs.

“Lauren,” Mikey held her face between his hands, staring deep into her eyes. “You are the best mother you can be for Ben; he’s a great kid. Forget about Idaho, forget about Ben’s dad. Move back in here with me – us.”

Her sobs came to a halt immediately. Move back in here with me. Lauren repeated the words over and over in her head as she tried to analyse the determined look in Mikey’s eyes. He was being sincere.

“No,” Lauren whispered. She removed Mikey’s hands from her face and lowered them back to his sides, stood up from her stool, then wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. She was shaking her head as she retreated from both him and the kitchen. “No.”

The following morning Lauren rose early. The sun was barely up by time she’d finished a rather large load of washing, cleaned the bathroom, and downed two cups of scalding coffee.

Her startling disclosure to Mikey before she went to bed had made sleep almost nonexistent. She was only in bed for an hour before she gave up on sleep and busied herself around the house. To her surprise, Ben had managed to sleep through her constant tossing and turning.

After sizzling up some bacon in a pan and leaving it in the warmth of the oven for the guys to have when they woke up, Lauren went outside to hang the load of washing she’d done on the clothesline. It didn’t take long for a figure to appear at her side and dip their hand into the wicker basket, extracting a dark Anthrax t-shirt.

“You don’t have to do that,” Lauren said, making an attempt to bat away the masculine hand.

“I actually live here,” Bob said wryly, “you’re the one who doesn’t have to do this, so just say ‘thanks’ and tell me what’s on your mind. And don’t say ‘nothing’,” Bob said as Lauren went to open her mouth, “because I know that you only get up this early to do housework when something’s on your mind. Is it Mikey?”

Lauren was silent for a moment and thought about whether she should tell Bob everything she’d told Mikey. Part of her wanted to – she knew she could trust him – but at the same time she was scared to. Her past was something she was incredibly ashamed of, it had changed a lot about her, and she didn’t think she could take the look of shame Bob may cast upon her.

“Come on, you can tell me anything,” Bob encouraged softly, his brow creased; somehow he could tell that whatever it was that was troubling her wouldn’t be an easy thing to disclose.

His words were enough to push the truth from her. Over the course of ten minutes she summarised for him everything that she had told Mikey the night before, about her drug and alcohol addiction, Ben’s dad, and her life in Idaho, all the while hanging the wet clothes up. She left out the parts about Mikey – he didn’t need to know that. Bob embraced her into a lengthy hug when she finished her story.

“How have you been able to live your life alone like this for so long?” Bob asked.

She shrugged. “Pride.”

“Well you know you always have a place here if your pride stops being in the way,” Bob said earnestly as he hung up the last shirt in the washing basket.

He smiled warmly at her on his way back to the house and she was left to ponder her thoughts.

Life in Idaho had been good in terms of safety, but it was difficult being a single mother in a town where she was sure to never make ties with anyone. Her job paid enough to survive on, but there wasn’t much left over for anything other than the basics. The inheritance that came with her parents death was long gone, spent on booze and drugs during her two month downward spiral, she had only a small amount left when she arrived in Idaho, and all of that went toward renting a house. Spending that money was one of her biggest regrets.

Ben. Sometimes she wondered if her son hated her because there were so many things he wanted and didn’t have. But everything she did she did for him. There was never a time where she didn’t think of his needs first. She loved him.

Her thoughts strayed to Mikey.

He was hurt by her actions, and he had every right to be, but her never seemed to consider how his had hurt her. Before she met her ex-boyfriend in New York she used to cry every night about what had happened. It would make her angry and sometimes she would pick up the phone ready to call him and abuse him, but then she’d remember that it was her fault too, and that’s when she’d put the phone back down and cry even more.

The wind picked up and sent a chill down her spine. That’s when Lauren realised she’d been outside for far too long, just standing with an empty washing basket held loosely by her fingers. Looking back to the house Lauren squinted to peer through the kitchen window; Gerard’s red hair stood out like a beacon, and by his side she could see Frank – they seemed very much besotted and it brought a smile to her face.

I want that.

She trudged back up to the house.



“You’re so cute in the mornings, Frankie.”

Frank hit Gerard’s arm playfully, cheeks blushing, mouth sculpted into an embarrassed grin. “Stop it.”

Gerard’s face sobered considerably. He reached for his coffee, took a large swig, and returned his attention to Frank. “Did you hear Lauren and Mikey last night?”

“I heard her crying,” Frank said, assuming that was what his boyfriend was talking about. “I don’t know what about. Do you think they’re fighting?”

“Yeah, they’d have to be,” Gerard said. He moved to sit at the island. “I tried talking to Mikey this morning before he went in for a shower but he won’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I spoke to Lauren,” Bob said, announcing his presence as he entered the kitchen, Ray a few feet behind him. Gerard looked at him expectantly and Bob shrugged. “She’s not giving anything away about Mikey. She needs help, though.”

Ray, Gerard, and Frank stared at Bob in confusion. They were so sure that she had her life together, or that if she didn’t that she would have said something to them.

“Care to elaborate?” Frank demanded.

Just at that moment the back door slammed shut. All eyes flew straight to the source of the noise. Lauren eyed them sceptically and proceeded through the kitchen.

“Later,” Bob promised.

Later came in the form of a meeting in Bob and Ray’s bedroom. Gerard and Frank sat on the ottoman at the foot of the bed, Ray and Bob on the bed; they were in a circle of some description.

“Fuck...” Gerard breathed out when Bob had finished telling them what Lauren had disclosed to him.

“How could she keep all this to herself?” Ray asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

“Her pride, apparently.”

Gerard rose abruptly and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Frank asked.

“To talk some sense into her,”

“Baby, no!” Frank called, rushing to his feet. “You can’t let her know we know.”

He pushed Frank away from him, but Frank chased after him. It was frustrating Gerard and he lost his temper by time her reached the stairs.

“Get the fuck off me!” He yelled, pushing Frank away from him and to the ground. “You aren’t the only one who matters around here, Frank!”

While Gerard proceeded up the stairs, Frank did nothing but stare after him. Tears streaked down his cheeks. Gerard never got violent with him, never yelled at him. He glanced down at the bruise that was forming on his upper arm from where Gerard had latched onto to push him away. What was going on?