My Constant Companion

I heard the pitter-patter of rain on my window when I was jolted awake. Again. Tears flooded my eyes as I put my head in my pillow to muffle the scream that rose in my throat. Someone touched my back and before I could think clearly my nails were clawing at Shannon's chest and arms.

“Nikka. It's me, doll.” he said calmly, grabbing my wrist. “You're dreaming.”

Yes. I had been dreaming. That was all it had been, a dream... or rather a nightmare. They never seemed to end. I kept having them, night after night, multiple bad dreams. It seemed like once I found sleep they crept upon my like a thief in the night, stealing away my peace.

Dreams about Demons and and Angels and knives carving at the door, I had been having them for the past few nights. Nightmares of all sorts. Some were easily explained. Things from my childhood. Others were pure imagination, but no less frightening. Terrors about my past, days I wished I could forget. Of Demons and Angels, and knives carving at closed doors. Of blood and feathers, Shannon dying in my arms, a crazed Jared, his eyes burning holes in my skull, and his devious smile.

“I'm sorry.” I chocked out.

“It's okay.” He pulled me into an embrace and began slowly rocking me.

I hadn't even known he had come home. He had been out and about, trying to keep tabs on his baby brother and some other top secret Dark Angel stuff he didn't want me involved in. And I knew he was dog tired. And here I was, constantly keeping him up.

I swallowed down another sob and said into his chest, “I'm sorry, go back to bed.” my voice was rigid and tight.

“Tell me what you were dreaming of.”

I shook my head and said, “Go back to bed.” as if that finalized things.

Shannon wasn't fooled. “It'll only get worse if you keep it all bottled up inside.”

“I'm fine.” He had enough on his plate with out me adding my problems to the load. I pulled away form him and lied back down, trying to relax.

“You wake up screaming and terrified out of you're mind. You're anything but.”

“Go back to bed, Shannon.”

He scoffed, but laid back down. “Tell me what it was this time.” he said in my ear.

I shook my head frantically.

“Nikka, this isn't healthy. You need to talk about this.”

“I'm fine.” I said in a raspy voice. I was anything but, but I refused to talk to Shannon about my nightmares. I dried my eyes. “I'm fine.” I repeated until I found sleep again.

Shannon pulled me into his arms as he had just hours before and last night and the previous night, cooing in my ear, telling me it would all be okay. I must have woken up again. My eyes were wet, but I don't remember the dream this time, which was good, I suppose. Since I couldn't get back to sleep he made me some tea and we sat on the couch in the living room. It was still very dark outside and the clock said it was around 4:30.

“It's okay to be scared.” he told me without an ounce of pity in his voice. “Tell me.”

“No.” I said softly and sipped more of my tea even as it burned my tongue.

“Why not?”

“I don't want to think about it.”

“This week had been crazy. I want you to talk to me about it. Or the nightmares may get worse.”

I said nothing for a long while, just stared ahead. Shannon, frustrated, stood up and went into the kitchen. I knew I was being difficult, but I just didn't know where to start. I was all over the place. He returned, a scowl on his face, and plopped down next to me.

“I know that you're used to doing things alone but please, doll, let me in.”

He was right, I was used to doing thing on my own. I didn't know how to open up to him about this. It felt so hard.

I sucked in a shaky breath. “If I tell do this, if I tell you about the dreams, will you tell me about your past? About Mary?”

He looked surprised by the request. “Nikka, I-”

“You want me to be honest with you. Now you need to be honest with me.” I sat the mug down on the table harder than I intended. “Who was she? Your wife, your girlfriend? Someone important because her name keeps coming up. And something happened to her. I want to see it. I want to see her for myself.”
Shannon's eyes became dark but he didn't answer.

“It's not a one way street.”

“I know that, Nikka.” he said through his teeth. “But I don't think that's a good idea.”

“I don't want to hear-”

He cut me off. “You're having nightmares and you want to go on a mind-trip? That would really fuck you up.”

God he was right. I was being stupid. “Well, no mind-trip, then, just tell me.”

“You first.” I folded my arms over my chest. He sighed. Believe me, I will, it might not be today, but soon we'll dive into my past.” He sounded less than thrilled about that.

“Is it that bad?”

“I killed my mother. What do you think?”

I softened and put my hand on his. “You had a good reason.”

“Did I?” I gave him a faint smile. “So, the nightmares...”

I faced forward and said, “You were right, they've been about my childhood.” I wrapped my fingers around the mug just so he wouldn't see them shake. “It was about her...” I quickly glanced at him, not meeting his eyes. “my mom. Before she... you know.” he nodded. “And I had been trying not to think about her and now I can't stop thinking about her.”

“But that's not all, is it?”

I shook my head. “It's everything. Jared, your family. The whole world is upside down. I'm worried about Ivy.” I whispered, “I'm worried about you.”

He moved closer and kissed my cheek softly. And the little electric current that comes from his kisses warmed me. I turned my head so our lips could meet. One of Shannon's strong arms wrapped around me.

“Never worry about me, doll.” his fingertips brushed my jawline.

“How could I not?” my voice broke. I hated feeling this weak. I could be strong. I needed to summon inner my strength. I had to pull myself together.

“So you're dreaming about your mom, dreaming about Jared, worried about Ivy and me. You need to de-stress.”

“You're telling me.”

“I'm sorry I've cause you this much pain.”

“It's not your fault.”

He shrugged and said, “I think you need to talk to someone else.”

I gave him a steady look. “Like who?”

“You know who.”

I shut my eyes tightly. “Yeah... Yeah I suppose I do.”

“The sooner the better, too. I hate seeing you like this. And it'll be a start.”

I rubbed my eyes with my palms until they hurt. “And what am I suppose to tell her? Hey, mom, I keep dreaming about when you lost your mind and tried to kill me. Anyway, you can help with that?”

Shannon grinned and placed his hand on mine. “Yeah, that might do.”

I laughed, genuinely laughed. And so did the Angel. It felt good to laugh even though I was still as scared as I was as a child. But I realized that my dreams really couldn't hurt me, just haunt me.

“So I guess I'm going to go see me mom.”

“Want me to go with you?”

I shook my head. “No. I need to do it alone.”

“We should go back to bed. You've got work in a few hours.”

“I don't think I can sleep.”

“Well, then I'll hold you, and we can talk about... stuff.”

I snorted. “Stuff?”

“Yeah, music, movies, your favorite crush,” he said jokingly, “Just stuff. No nightmares or murders or my crazy little brother... or crazed mothers. Sound good?”

I only nodded and we went back to bed and as we talked. I got distracted, and fell asleep with my head on Shannon's shoulder.



“Earth to Nikka.” Maurice said as I daydreamed as I manned the register on that afternoon. It was Tuesday.

“Sorry.” I muttered, a little pissed that he had disturbed my train of thought.

“You look like shit, by the way.” he said as he walked away.

I was temped to flip him off but there were customers around, I had an image to uphold. I waited on several people, restocked a few aisles with records, and made a few calls for reorders, nothing new but I felt like I was dragging my feet. The lack of sleep, that was getting to me. I was waiting on a guy who was looking for the new Killers album when Ivy returned from lunch... with Jared.

They were both laughing and smiling, his hand in hers. Cute... I suppose even sick and depraved motherfuckers like Jared could be cute. I did my best not to be distracted by them as I finished up with my customer, sending him on his way with a bright smile and then I looked at the “happy” couple.

Ivy and I still were on shaky grounds. After the disastrous dinner the other night we still hadn't really talked. But she seemed happy. It felt weird not being apart of her life now. I knew very little about her relationship with Jared, and it hurt.

The Angels eyes met mine, a smile still on his face, he walked over, Ivy closely behind, her hand in his. “Nikka.”

I might have muttered, bastard, or something less pleasant. I was tired of pretending to be nice to him. It had gotten me nowhere. He chuckled, low and deep, clearly not effected by the dig. Ivy scolded me.

“How's my brother?” Jared asked.

“Great.” I said through my teeth.

“Nikka, isn't it time for your lunch?” Ivy asked, clearly in an attempt to change the subject..

I looked at the clock. It was past one thirty. “Yeah, but I'm fine.”

“No you're not.” she said, her voice full of concern, which only made me feel bad. Despite the riff between us, she was still my best friends. I can only imagine what I looked like to her. “Go. I'll take things from here.”

I was going to argue but I figure it was maybe best to get some fresh air. Plus I was going to be here late anyway. I needed to refuel. I grabbed my things from the back, and was surprised to see that Jared was still here.

“I'll walk you out.”

I was going to tell him where to shove it, but instead I stalked pass him and went out the door. The Angel was right behind me. I wasn't afraid, I knew that Tomo was nearby, as he had been for the past week, I felt relatively safe. But this was Jared, and I knew what he was capable of, so I was ready for the worst.

...Or so I told myself.

He came up next to me. “Has Shannon reconsidered my offer?”

“What do you think?”

“He needs to take a side. He's been on the outside for too long.”

“Gee, who's fault is that?”

“He dug his own grave.”

“So why can't you just let him be? He doesn't want to be apart of your bloody war. What's it all about anyway? Your kind trying to assert power over every other race in your world? Dictatorship, much?”

“Child, what do you know?” he said in a low, heavy voice. “Our people were a well formed intelligent society before your kind had begun to evolved from your ape ancestors.”

“Yeah, yeah, you're superior. So why not go home, if you think so little of us? Leave my world and my people alone.”

“Translation: Leave Ivy alone.”

“Yes. Go away.”

He smiled a smile without a trace of warmth and stopped walking. And so did I. He turned his attention fully to me, his blue eyes ablaze and when he spoke his voice was like ice water down my spine.

“I will not be told what to do by some insolent child who knows only a pinch of knowledge. Tell my brother to watch his back.”

I swallowed down the fear that was rising inside of me. I would not be intimidated by him.

“Is that a threat?” I whispered, because any louder and my voice would have shook.

“It's a warning. I'm trying to protect him. There are others out there who want to recruit him. If you think I'm bad, you haven't seen the half of it. ”

Then he walked away, leaving my to ponder what he had said. Of course it could all be lies, designed to scare his brother into siding with him. Or he could be telling the truth. I hoped it wasn't true, cause if it was then we had trouble.

I had lost my appetite but grabbed half a turkey sub and decided I could eat it later. I called Shannon as I walked back to the Shop. I told him about the conversation with Jared. He was pissed but told me not to worry, like that would magically make me not worry.

As I rounded a corner Tomo saddled up next to me, nodding in greeting. I hung up with Shan and Tomo asked was I okay. I nodded. I was still getting used to the idea that he was a Demon and the image I had in my head didn't match the sweet smiling face of the man next to me.

“What did baby brother say?”

“He's all war talk lately. What do you know about it? He said there were others out there who wanted Shannon.”

“He may be right. But this is Jared. Anything he says shouldn't be taken at face value. We'll look into it. And the war is a mess, but I don't know why he would think Shannon would want to throw his hat in the ring with any of those lot after what they did to him.”

That's right, Tomo had seen the result of Shannon's fathers rage first hand.

“Don't stick your hand in a lions mouth, unless you're prepared to be bit.”

“Can I ask you something?” I said, and when he did object I assumed that was a yes, so I went on. “Why are you here? I mean, in this world?”

“On the run,” he laughed a little. “sort of.”

“Why?” I regretted it as soon as the word left my mouth.

“I could lie to you, you know. But I won't.” he paused. “Attempted murder.”

“Oh.” I sort of expected that.

“Scared?”

“I'm sure you had a good reason.” I said in a small, unsure voice.

“Not really. But I don't regret it.”

“So, how long have you been sort of on the run?”

“Years, decades in your time. They're not really looking for me anymore.”

“Who'd you try to kill?”

He smiled. “So, here we are.”

We were back in front of the shop. And the conversation was over. Figures.

“Are you veiled right now?” I asked the demon.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It's better this way.” then he walked away.

“He always gets the last word in.” I muttered and went inside.



We closed up at six. The others left, and then there was only Ivy and I. There was paperwork to be done, and after making sure everything was locked up front we sat in the back, our makeshift office, and sorted through it. We didn't talk, and the only sounds came from the rustling of paper and the radio we had turned on.

“I'm sorry.” she suddenly said to me.

I was taken off guard. “What?” I said, confused.

“About how I've been acting. I know you don't like Jared, probably because of Shannon, but I shouldn't have behaved like a child.”

“It's okay. I'm sorry, too. I was acting like an idiot. You're my sister. I was just concerned for you. I didn't want you to get hurt.”

“I know, I know.” she stood up, so did I, and came over to where I sat. We hugged one another. And then we both might have cried a little, although I'm not admitting to that.

“Ivy, the other night at dinner, what was wrong?”

She waved a hand around dismissively, and with the other she wiped her eyes. “It was nothing. I was just being silly.”

“Tell me.” I put my hands on her shoulders and stared at her until she spoke.

“I just saw how you were with Shannon, like you had known him forever, you two were... I dunno how to explain it. I was a bit... jealous.”

That wasn't what I was expecting. “Why?”

“Because you guys have something real. I could feel it.”

“And what about you and Jared?”

“It's not the same. I just feel like something is missing, something's lacking. But then again, we haven't known each other very long. I just sometimes get this weird feeling about him. It's strange because sometimes it's like he's psychic or something.”

“What do you mean?”

“He... he can like read my mind, sometimes.” she said and there was genuine fear in her eyes. What has he done to her? Most likely things she can't even remember. She shook her head, shut her eyes and shivered. “Weird.” Then just like that the fear was gone and she shrugged the feeling off. “Or maybe I'm just reading too much into things.”

“Has he hurt you?”

She looked shocked. “No. Never. Nothing like that. No. Just a vibe I get. That's all.”

“So why be with him, if he makes you feel that way?”

She went and sat back down with a sigh. “That's only a small part of it. Everything else with us is fantastic. He's easy to talk to, smart, charismatic, funny. He even owns a boat, The Marietta it's gorgeous. He took me on it after dinner on Saturday and he had bunch on board Sunday. The view of the river was magnificent.”

“Did you say 'Marietta'?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Marietta... Mary? It was possible, or maybe I was just making a leap.

“Did he say why he named the boat that?”

“No, we didn't get around to that. Are you okay?”

I smiled faintly at her. “Yeah. I'm fine.

“You sure, you don't look so good. Are you sleeping.”

“Not really. Nightmares.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's fine. Tell me more about Jared.”

She went on about all the wonderful things about the man she didn't know was an Angel. I thought maybe she would give me some clue as to what he wants with her but all I got were where they had been and what they had talked about, which didn't help.

"I still can't believe they're brothers. They're polar opposites."

I sighed. "You're telling me."

Then she began grilling me about Shannon. I didn't tell her much, everything else I could say would make her think I was insane. I really wished I could tell her, but it would complicate things too much. Plus, I wasn't sure what Jared would do if Ivy knew his secret. And I needed to protect Ivy, because she was too blind to protect herself.