The Kind of Hoax That Leaves a Lump in Your Throat

It was about half seven and josh’s bags were packed and by the door ready for the morning. He would be gone for the whole of the next week and we were meeting the guys at the pub for a few drinks. It had become a tradition of sorts to go for a few drinks before the guys went away. The usual pub we went to wasn’t too far from our house so we walked there.

“Oh I hope you don’t mind, I invited tom because he’s staying in town for a bit”

“No that’s fine love; it’ll be nice to see him” he smiled, but I could tell it was a tiny bit forced. I put it down to the fact he was nervous about the shows and switched the conversation to something else.

Everyone was already there before us, and we were bombarded with drinks and hugs. Georgina was there again too, and matt’s girlfriend holly, so we sat in a corner and talked whilst the boys talked about “man” things.

Tom walked though the door then, and I excused myself to go and say hello to him. He pulled me and for a hug, and when we pulled back, he tugged on the dress I was wearing because it was the one he gave me it yesterday.

“This new?” he pondered and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Come on, I know max has be dying to speak to you” I said and he quickly led him over to where everyone was sitting. Holly and Georgina had now moved back to sit with the guys, so I took the seat next to tom and opposite josh.

I looked up and smiled brightly, and he smiled back, but it seemed fake, and then he looked back down. Obviously his drink was far more interesting than anything else going on around him.

I lightly kicked him under the table and his head shot up, with his eyes wide. Josh and I had now learnt how to communicate with each other with just a look, so I gave him the “are you ok” look and he just nodded lightly before starting up a conversation with dan who was next to him.

That didn’t stop him keep looking back at me every few seconds, and then to tom. It was making me feel really uncomfortable but I don’t say anything.

After about an hour, tom said his goodbyes, claiming he still had some work to finish up and left. Max took over his seat and we talked for a while about stupid things, josh all the while staring.

“What is josh staring at, do I have something on my face?” he said, just for me to hear. I looked up and saw nothing, but I couldn’t help but laugh at the confused expression on his face.

“No you’re good. He’s being doing it all night”

“Well if looks could kill I’d be six feet under that’s for sure” he joked and took a swig of is beer.

“Violet, can I have a word outside?” I suddenly heard, and I looked up to see josh staring at me with a blank face. He kicked his chair back and then left, leaving his drink, half finished, on the table.

“What was all that about?” dan asked but I just shrugged.

“Guess I better go find out”

“Well, good luck” max winked, and I hit him playfully on the arm. Out side josh was pacing but he stopped when he saw me.

“What’s up?” I asked and he stared blankly at me.

“How could you Vi, you’re making me look like a right twat in there”

“Excuse me?”

“First tom, then max, wow real classy”

“What the hell are you going on about josh?”

“Oh come off it, you’re all over them like a rash”

“What? We were just talking. Am I not allowed to speak to anyone now?”

“Don’t turn this back on me, it’s your fault. Bored of me eh, so you have to move on to tom? I see the way that kid looks at you, plus you never give a shit what you wear, but tonight because tom’s here you dress up all nice.”

“Tom and I are just friends josh you know that”

“Really? Cause that’s what Hanna said about Alex, and Rob, and James and you know the rest of the story. At least she kept them secret, what were you thinking bringing him here?”

“Oh I get it, back on to Hanna again. When are you gonna stop comparing me to her?”

“When you stop fucking acting like her”

“Why are you doing this? I thought we were over all of this” I asked, tears now building up in my eyes.

“Im fed up of being treated like a doormat.” He growled.

"Do you not trust me josh?"

"Well let’s face it, its not like you haven't gone behind boys backs before, what am I supposed to think? Remember what you did to Sonnie? I won’t let you do that to me violet."

It felt like a slap in the face as soon as he’d mentioned Sonnie. Yes I’d made mistakes in the past, but I’d fixed things and josh knew how sensitive I was about that.

“You know I only went behind his back because I was in love with you” I managed to get out but he didn’t reply.

I’d never been more scared of josh than I was right then. Actually ive never been scared of josh, he was the one that kept me safe. But now it looked like he wanted to tear me to pieces.

“You know josh, you clearly have some things you need to sort out. Im not Hanna ok, I never will be.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, you’re exactly like her”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I stared blackly at him, and he looked like he wanted to punch the nearest thing. I couldn’t help it when the tears finally spilt over, but I wiped them away quickly. This only seemed to make him angrier.

“That’s it Vi, play the guilt card” he scoffed, and the tears came thicker and faster. All I knew is that I wanted to get away from him as soon as.

“All ive ever done is love you josh. And I get this in return?” I asked shaking my head. “I just… I don’t even know anymore.” I turned to walk away, but turned back to finish what I needed to say. “I hope everything does well in Paris, but if you still feel like this in a week, then don’t bother coming home. Im over all this shit. Im done, okay. We’re done” I looked done at my left hand and pulled the ring off my finger. “When you gave me this, I promised you I’d stand by you, but you clearly don’t believe me, so I don’t want it anymore. Take it back.

He looked like he didn’t want to take it and kept his hands by his sides, so I placed it in the pocket on his shirt. Ironically where his heart should be.

With that I turned and walked away leaving him just standing there, watching as I walked away. Not even calling my name or coming after me, just watching me walk away.

I didn’t want to go home, not where josh would be coming later, so I went to see the only person I knew would be on my side. In hindsight it was probably the last place I should have gone, given the circumstances, but I really didn’t care at that moment.

I didn’t know tom’s room number, so I had to ask the woman at the reception. I think she took one look at the state of me and realised I wasn’t some weird stalkery fan girl and I actually needed him. she gave me the number and I rushed up the stairs to his room.

I bashed on the door heavily, and after a few agonising seconds he opened it. I was met with his smile, but then his face moved into one of concern.

“violet? What that hell’s happened?”

“I think josh and I are over” I said numbly, before breaking down into a flood of tears. Tom led me inside, and sat me down on the bed, placing his arms around me as I cried into his chest.

I don’t know how long I was crying for, but when I was sort of done I sat up slightly and saw I’d left a massive wet patch on toms tee. “sorry” I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “I know you had stuff to do, but I didn’t know where else to go”

“don’t worry love, I’m glad you came to me” he whispered and brushed all the hair out of my face before dropping a light kiss on my forehead. “You don’t have to tell me what’s happened, but im here okay?” he said and I nodded lightly.

“can I stay with you tonight? I don’t wanna be by myself”

Tom didn’t reply, he just pulled me back with him and we lay there in silence until I drifted off into some sort of sleep.