The Kind of Hoax That Leaves a Lump in Your Throat

It’s amazing how fast a cab will get to you at half three in the morning. I chatted with the driver on the way even though I just wanted to curl up die. Didn’t want to seem rude though.

When we arrived I paid him and walked up the familiar path. I had a key so I let myself in, trying to make as little noise as possible as not to freak anyone out.

I went and sat on the sofa in the living room, trying not to think about what had just happened between violet an I, but my mind always seemed to race back to her.

I finally had her and everything was going perfect, so why did I have to fuck it up?

When I first saw her, just over an hour ago, her skin pale, her eyes swollen and wet like she’s been crying for day’s, a little part inside of me broke. I got so angry, like I wanted to go out and kill who ever made her that upset, but then I remembered it was me.

Time seemed to pass both quickly and slowly, because soon it was light outside without my knowledge. I heard someone coming down the stairs but I couldn’t move. It was like I was trapped in my own little bubble of pity.

“Josh?” I suddenly heard and my head snapped up to meet her gaze. “What on earth are you doing here?”

“Sorry mum, I just needed someone to talk to and I didn’t know who else”

“How long have you been sat there for?”

“A few hours”

“Why didn’t you come and wake me up?” she asked with a voice full of concern as she took a seat next to me.

“Nah I couldn’t do that” I huffed and ran my fingers through my hair. “Ive fucked everything up mum”

“Language” she scolded lightly, trying to being the mood up, and I guess it kind of worked because I felt the corners of my mouth pull up slightly.

“Sorry, ive messed everything up” I said and she stood up, pulling on my arm.

“Come on, I’ll make some tea and you can tell me everything” she said, and I allowed her to pull me into the kitchen. I sat at the table whilst she flittered around getting cups and stuff and when she was pouring the hot water in I heard the front door open.

“Only me” I heard Elissa call, “oh is that tea I smell, make us a cup” she shouted and I heard a load of things crash to the floor before she entered the kitchen. Her eyes shot to me and her face fell dramatically. “Josh what the hell are you doing here?”

“Don’t look to pleased to see me” I grumbled as mum placed a cup in front of me and took the seat opposite. Elissa joined us, sitting at the head on the table and gently placed her hand on my arm.

“No I just… I thought you were in Paris, what are you doing here?”

“I don’t even know where to start” I admitted and my head dropped to the table.

“Well start with why you’re here and not in Paris” my mum suggested lightly.

“Well I had a fight with Violet and I was just moaping around being a dick and I didn’t really wanna be there knowing she was mad with me” I admitted, my eyes glued to the table.

“What happened with violet?” Elissa prompted and I cringed at the though of what I’d done.

“You know when girl’s get fucked over by one guy and they’re all I’ll never trust another boy again. Well I never really understood that because not all boys are the same so it’s just stupid. But I get it now. Hanna’s really messed me up, I mean I accused Violet oh flirting with Max and cheating on me with a mate of ours” I said, not believing the words that were coming out mf my mouth, I mean, why the fuck did I do that?

“Oh josh” I head my mum sigh and when I looked u she looked so disappointed in me. It made my heart break all over again. “What did you go and do that for?”

“It’s just, I see the way everyone looks at her, and I know she’d never do anything like that to me, but I thought that about Hanna and she still did it, and after what happened with Sonnie I guess that makes it harder”

“Who’s Sonnie?” Elissa asked and I completely forgot that they had no idea about mine and Violets ‘history’.

“When Violet and I started speaking again she got this new boyfriend called Sonnie. Then I got smashed at some party and told violet how I felt about her and we kissed. I didn’t feel bad though. Like I should have I mean, I know how Sonnie must have been feeling, but I just wanted her. Anyway we had a shoot the next day and I tried to avoid her, you know encase she regretted what we did, but she was just upset I was ignoring her. I don’t know how long it went on for, a few weeks tops but we saw each other behind his back. She felt awful, but I just wanted her with me so I tried to make her forget about him. She couldn’t take it in the end and told Sonnie about us” I said with a slight smile. “I mean she chose me over him so that should be enough right?”

“Have you seen her since you got back?” My mum asked after a few seconds of silence. All I could do was nod. “Well what happened?”

“She looked… broken” I said, and the words left a bad taste in my mouth. “and I couldn’t stop thinking that I’d done that to her, I’m supposed to be the one who makes sure she never feels like that but I did it to her”

I had to clench my fists under the table encase I hit something. After a few deep breaths I found the courage to carry on.

“She was pissed off at me, as expected, but she told me she still wanted to be with me. Before I left for Paris she told me it was over. It’s not the first time ive accused her of cheating, but we made up the last time. But this time’s different. Like she’s not sure. I mean I asked her to marry me and she said no”

“You did what?” Elissa asked sounding shocked.

“I asked her to marry me. She’s the only one I want to be with so I figured why wait. She didn’t see it that way though”

“What did she say?”

“Basically that we had all the time in the world and she didn’t feel ready yet”

“Well you are both still really young josh” my mum said, and thankfully the look of disappointment had eased up. She just looked concerned now.

“I can tell things are gonna be different now, but I don’t know how to make things right. We see each other everyday mostly and I don’t know how I’m gonna get her to fall in love with me again”

“Maybe time away would be good; they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder” Elissa piped up, a sad smile on he face. “Or presents help” she said with a wink.

“Like what?”

“Well what does she like, what are her favourite flowers?” she asked and then it hit me, I actually had no idea.

“I um… I don’t know. I never really asked, or bought her any”

“Okay…” she said sceptically. “What about chocolates?”

“Um…”

“Josh do you know anything she likes?”

“I know the important stuff” I defended myself but Elissa just shook her head with a slight smirk. “Look I fell in love wither her when I was 14, and even then we didn’t speak that much. I guess when we met again we figured we knew everything we needed too”

“Looks like you need to get to know each other again then” my mum said, and then collected all out mugs up to wash up. Whilst she was at the sink she spoke to us over her shoulder.

“Look josh, I really like violet. I know we’ve only met her once but I can see what an effect she’s had on you and how much you love her. You need to make this right”

“I know mum, I promise I will” I said, standing up, a plan already formulating in my brain. “Thank you” I sad quickly kissing her cheek and then turning to hug Elissa. “Both of you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Just fix this yeah?” Elissa spoke into my hair and I nodded.

“I will. Ive got stuff to do now but I’ll call you later” I said before leaving.

There was no doubt that what I was about to do would be hard. Hard for both Violet and me. But it needed to be done. No pain no gain right? She was gonna hate me, well more than she already did, but I was hoping she would forgive me in the end.

This would me good for us. I knew it would be. I just hoped she felt the same.