I Can Keep A Secret

Jack and I were face to face and I began to get a little nervous. Should I kiss him? I want to. I looked down at his lips, leaned my head in closer so that our foreheads were touching, and... kissed him. It was a quick kiss, but not quite a peck. His lips were soft against mine, although I didn't feel him kissing back.

Wait, what the fuck did I just do? I just kissed Jack, a guy? He's going to flip out on me. I'm obviously not thinking straight.

"Fuck, Jack. I-I didn't mean to. I'm...I'm sorry." I got up and looked back at Jack, who was just staring at me. I ran into my room after that and closed the door. I didn't know what else to do, I just made a huge mistake.

Not to mention I just ruined my whole relationship I built with Jack. He probably won't want me living here anymore either, so it's back to that fucking rehab center for me.

I'm a fucking idiot, I really am. If I was home right now I would be drinking so I can forget all this shit. But I didn't have any alcohol here. I reached into my bag and pulled out a razor. It was in a hidden spot in my bag so not even the rehab center found it. Not sure why I kept it all this time, but I'm glad now.

I don't deserve to be Jack's friend, for him to treat me so nicely and buy me things. He took me into his home for nothing in return. I'm not a good person.

I put the razor up to my wrist and slit a previous scar back open. Obviously- it's not the first time I've done this. I did it a lot deeper this time though, and a lot of blood was dripping onto the bed. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and I felt a little better. It just took my mind off how much of a fuck up I am, even if it's just for a few minutes.

I felt tears streaming down my face because I remembered-for once, I had a real friend. Someone I could tell anything to, and I ruined it. I tried to calm down a little bit...until I heard a knock on the door. I didn't even have time to say anything before Jack opened it.

"Alex, I... what happened?!"

"Jack," That's all I managed to say before the tears were just pouring out of my eyes.
He ran to me and grabbed the razor out of my hand, his other hand grabbing my bleeding wrist. He looked at the cut for a few seconds before running out of the room. I just closed my eyes and waited. I heard him run back into the room only a few seconds later. He grabbed my wrist and started wrapping it up with a bandage. When he finished he looked at me and I closed my eyes. I didn't want Jack to see me like this. I was also feeling very light headed.

"Alex, you gotta stay awake. For me, Alex. Stay awake, please." I could feel him running his fingers through my hair.

"M'Sorry Jack."

"It's okay... you're gonna be okay..."

I finally snapped out of it. I guess I had been awake for a while, but I don't remember anything.

"How long have I been like this?" Jack was sitting back against my bed while holding me in his lap, playing with my hair.

"'Bout an hour now."

I sat up and looked around. The bed was filled with blood, I really wasn't expecting that much. And so were Jack's hands. I never felt more guilty before in my whole life.

"Jack, I-"

"Not now Alex... we can talk about it later. Let's just get cleaned up, okay?"

I really fucked up this time.