Sweet Blasphemy
Breaking down and fading out
**Jenna’s PoV**
I looked down at my overstuffed suitcase with a sigh. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get it closed. Anyone who knew me wouldn’t believe this case belonged to me, well the clothes in it looked more like the kind of thing Lexis and Selena would wear. With a sigh, I flipped the top closed and started fighting with the zip to get it closed. I kinda didn’t want to go home, knowing that I would have to deal with my very pissed off band mates. I didn’t really blame them for being pissed, they couldn’t know…. I didn’t want them to either, but my open emotional wounds were starting to fester. With another sigh, I climbed to my feet and slung my bag on my shoulder, before heading for the door, my suitcase in tow.
**Lexis’s PoV**
“What? Today?” I asked my dad blankly, “Yeah, she phoned Jasper who phoned me.” He told me, if I wasn’t mistaken, I could have sworn that I heard disappointment in his voice. “yay. Jenna’s coming home” Selena said happily. She seemed to be the only one who was enthusiastic about Jenna coming back. “Your still mad at her, aren’t you?” Dean asked me, I looked up at him for a long moment before nodding. Mad didn’t really do justice to what I was feeling, I was pissed. Three days wasn’t enough time for me to get over it. I sighed and stood up abruptly, “I’m going to school” I said, speaking to no-one in particular as I snatched the keys off the key rack.
I was standing at my locker pulling books out when Sammi found me. “Oh dear, something’s wrong” She commented softly, giving me a hug “Jenna’s coming back today” I told her, a little stiffly. “Remember what I said? Just give her a chance to explain” Sammi begged me, clasping her hands under her chin and giving me puppy dog eyes. I sighed “It’s kinda hard when I want to kill her” I replied, shoving books into my bag. Sammi shrugged “I know, but she is your sister. Just give her a second chance” Sammi told me, taking my arm after I closed my locker “I’ll try” I promised her, letting Sammi drag me in the direction of her locker.
**Jenna’s PoV**
It felt good to be standing in the middle of my room, feeling the plush carpet under my toes. With a content sigh, I threw my bag on my bed and fished around inside for my phone, after a few moments I found it. Flipping it open, I searched for Ashley’s number and pressed dial. After a couple of rings, he answered. “Hey sexy, I was wondering when I’d hear from you” he said, I could hear the humour in his voice “hey. Did you wanna come over? I was just about to go have a shower, but I really want to see you” I told him, bitting my lip and crossing my fingers, hoping he’d say yes “Yeah, I’ll head over now.” He told me. “ok. See you really soon” I told him, my smile growing in anticipation. “ok. Bye” he replied before hanging up. I threw the phone back into my bag, before doing a little happy dance and scooping up my towel.
I was reaching for the bathroom doorhandle when Lexis pulled it open from the other side. Her expression instantly darkened, she glared at me “Oh, so princess Jen finally decided to grace us with her presence” Lexi spat at me, I took a step back from her, feeling as if I’d been physically slapped “Lexi…. I…..”I started to say, but Lexis cut me off “I don’t want to know, I’m so sick of your bullshit you self-centred slut” she yelled at me, getting in my face, my jaw dropped in hurt astonishment, then I lashed out as hard as I could, slapping her across the face and sending her reeling, before fleeing into the bathroom, locking the door as my tears started to fall. “Fuck you, I wish you’d just disappear” Lexis screamed at me through the door before giving the door a vicious kick. I tried to suppress my sobs but they only sounded choked. I heard Lexis slam her bedroom door. I collapsed to the bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face, after a while I crawled over to the bathroom cabinet and pulled out my brother’s razor blade. I fumbled with it, barely able to see through my tears as I fought to get the blade free. After a few very frustrating moments it came free and clattered to the floor, tossing aside the handle, which skittered across the tiles, I snatched up the blade and stared at it through tear stained eyes. “Fine, I will” I whispered as I started slicing at my thighs, trying to hit the main artery.
**Lexis’s PoV**
I felt almost instantly guilty about telling Jenna to disappear. Who in their right mind says that to someone as clearly unstable as Jen? I went to the bathroom door and gave a tentative knock. “Jen?” I asked when there was no reply. I was about to knock again when the doorbell rang out. I turned in the direction of the front door with a frown, Sammi wasn’t supposed to be picking me up for another two hours. I was a little surprise to find Ashley standing on our front porch when I opened the door. “Hey Lexi, Jenna asked me to come over” He told me, with a lopsided grin. “Oh, um… she’s…. in the bathroom” I told him a little hesitantly as I stepped aside to let him in, “Cool. I’ll just wait in her room” he said, “Um… can you see if you can get a response out of her, we just had a fight, then she locked herself in the bathroom, and I could hear her crying, but now….” I asked him, I watched as the grin dropped from his face only to be replaced with serious worry. He nodded, heading for the stairs and taking them two at a time. I followed and watched as he hammered on the door “Jen, open the door” he called through the door. I could see the worry turn to panic when there was no response. He looked at me “Can I bust the door open?” he asked me as Dean and Selena came out of their rooms. I nodded, and watched as Ashley threw his weight against the door. It took three tries before the wood around the lock splintered and the door flew open, I looked over Ash’s shoulder. What I saw had me running for the phone in fear. The bathroom looked like a crime scene. There was blood everywhere, and right at the centre of it was Jenna, barely breathing in a pool of her own blood.
**Jenna’s PoV**
I barely felt it when Ash pulled me into his arms and tried to stop my bleeding with towels. “Jen? Don’t you do this to me” he whispered to me as I struggled to open my eyes. My head felt so floaty. I finally managed to force my eyes open and stare almost unseeingly up at him, I was surprised at how scared he looked “Why Jen?” He asked me, I felt tears start to fall from my eyes in almost a detached kind of way, as well as a desperate urge to make him understand “They don’t know, no-one knows” I whispered, choking on a sob. “Knows what?” he asked me, his voice barely above a whisper as one of his tears fell onto my forehead “That I was raped” I replied, fighting for breath, Ashley stared at me, mouth opening and closing “By my last manager” I added, before my world went black, fading out before my eyes.
I looked down at my overstuffed suitcase with a sigh. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get it closed. Anyone who knew me wouldn’t believe this case belonged to me, well the clothes in it looked more like the kind of thing Lexis and Selena would wear. With a sigh, I flipped the top closed and started fighting with the zip to get it closed. I kinda didn’t want to go home, knowing that I would have to deal with my very pissed off band mates. I didn’t really blame them for being pissed, they couldn’t know…. I didn’t want them to either, but my open emotional wounds were starting to fester. With another sigh, I climbed to my feet and slung my bag on my shoulder, before heading for the door, my suitcase in tow.
**Lexis’s PoV**
“What? Today?” I asked my dad blankly, “Yeah, she phoned Jasper who phoned me.” He told me, if I wasn’t mistaken, I could have sworn that I heard disappointment in his voice. “yay. Jenna’s coming home” Selena said happily. She seemed to be the only one who was enthusiastic about Jenna coming back. “Your still mad at her, aren’t you?” Dean asked me, I looked up at him for a long moment before nodding. Mad didn’t really do justice to what I was feeling, I was pissed. Three days wasn’t enough time for me to get over it. I sighed and stood up abruptly, “I’m going to school” I said, speaking to no-one in particular as I snatched the keys off the key rack.
I was standing at my locker pulling books out when Sammi found me. “Oh dear, something’s wrong” She commented softly, giving me a hug “Jenna’s coming back today” I told her, a little stiffly. “Remember what I said? Just give her a chance to explain” Sammi begged me, clasping her hands under her chin and giving me puppy dog eyes. I sighed “It’s kinda hard when I want to kill her” I replied, shoving books into my bag. Sammi shrugged “I know, but she is your sister. Just give her a second chance” Sammi told me, taking my arm after I closed my locker “I’ll try” I promised her, letting Sammi drag me in the direction of her locker.
**Jenna’s PoV**
It felt good to be standing in the middle of my room, feeling the plush carpet under my toes. With a content sigh, I threw my bag on my bed and fished around inside for my phone, after a few moments I found it. Flipping it open, I searched for Ashley’s number and pressed dial. After a couple of rings, he answered. “Hey sexy, I was wondering when I’d hear from you” he said, I could hear the humour in his voice “hey. Did you wanna come over? I was just about to go have a shower, but I really want to see you” I told him, bitting my lip and crossing my fingers, hoping he’d say yes “Yeah, I’ll head over now.” He told me. “ok. See you really soon” I told him, my smile growing in anticipation. “ok. Bye” he replied before hanging up. I threw the phone back into my bag, before doing a little happy dance and scooping up my towel.
I was reaching for the bathroom doorhandle when Lexis pulled it open from the other side. Her expression instantly darkened, she glared at me “Oh, so princess Jen finally decided to grace us with her presence” Lexi spat at me, I took a step back from her, feeling as if I’d been physically slapped “Lexi…. I…..”I started to say, but Lexis cut me off “I don’t want to know, I’m so sick of your bullshit you self-centred slut” she yelled at me, getting in my face, my jaw dropped in hurt astonishment, then I lashed out as hard as I could, slapping her across the face and sending her reeling, before fleeing into the bathroom, locking the door as my tears started to fall. “Fuck you, I wish you’d just disappear” Lexis screamed at me through the door before giving the door a vicious kick. I tried to suppress my sobs but they only sounded choked. I heard Lexis slam her bedroom door. I collapsed to the bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face, after a while I crawled over to the bathroom cabinet and pulled out my brother’s razor blade. I fumbled with it, barely able to see through my tears as I fought to get the blade free. After a few very frustrating moments it came free and clattered to the floor, tossing aside the handle, which skittered across the tiles, I snatched up the blade and stared at it through tear stained eyes. “Fine, I will” I whispered as I started slicing at my thighs, trying to hit the main artery.
**Lexis’s PoV**
I felt almost instantly guilty about telling Jenna to disappear. Who in their right mind says that to someone as clearly unstable as Jen? I went to the bathroom door and gave a tentative knock. “Jen?” I asked when there was no reply. I was about to knock again when the doorbell rang out. I turned in the direction of the front door with a frown, Sammi wasn’t supposed to be picking me up for another two hours. I was a little surprise to find Ashley standing on our front porch when I opened the door. “Hey Lexi, Jenna asked me to come over” He told me, with a lopsided grin. “Oh, um… she’s…. in the bathroom” I told him a little hesitantly as I stepped aside to let him in, “Cool. I’ll just wait in her room” he said, “Um… can you see if you can get a response out of her, we just had a fight, then she locked herself in the bathroom, and I could hear her crying, but now….” I asked him, I watched as the grin dropped from his face only to be replaced with serious worry. He nodded, heading for the stairs and taking them two at a time. I followed and watched as he hammered on the door “Jen, open the door” he called through the door. I could see the worry turn to panic when there was no response. He looked at me “Can I bust the door open?” he asked me as Dean and Selena came out of their rooms. I nodded, and watched as Ashley threw his weight against the door. It took three tries before the wood around the lock splintered and the door flew open, I looked over Ash’s shoulder. What I saw had me running for the phone in fear. The bathroom looked like a crime scene. There was blood everywhere, and right at the centre of it was Jenna, barely breathing in a pool of her own blood.
**Jenna’s PoV**
I barely felt it when Ash pulled me into his arms and tried to stop my bleeding with towels. “Jen? Don’t you do this to me” he whispered to me as I struggled to open my eyes. My head felt so floaty. I finally managed to force my eyes open and stare almost unseeingly up at him, I was surprised at how scared he looked “Why Jen?” He asked me, I felt tears start to fall from my eyes in almost a detached kind of way, as well as a desperate urge to make him understand “They don’t know, no-one knows” I whispered, choking on a sob. “Knows what?” he asked me, his voice barely above a whisper as one of his tears fell onto my forehead “That I was raped” I replied, fighting for breath, Ashley stared at me, mouth opening and closing “By my last manager” I added, before my world went black, fading out before my eyes.