I Don't Know How To Say This

More than anything I wanted to go to Taylor. But she was having fun and I couldn't barge in there looking like this while people who knew nothing about me were there. I wouldn't ruin her night.

I stepped out the front door and started walking. I walked to the end of my street, all the while sniffling and trying to keep my tears in check. But I just couldn't. I walked aimlessly for at least an hour. Most of the time my eyes were half closed and I really couldn't care less. I had to get away from this; I had to get it out of my mind.

Suddenly I felt overwhelmingly tired. I went to check the time on my phone but realized I'd left it at home. Oh well - what difference did it make? Looking up I found myself at the back of the elementary school. Even though I was slightly disappointed that I hadn't gotten myself lost somewhere, I slowly shuffled up to the small kick ball field out back, taking a seat on the bench. I slouched over onto my side and tried to curl up into a ball.

My eyes hurt and I couldn't tell if I had stopped crying or not. My nose felt wet and frozen so I pulled a sleeve up to it and covered my face. I felt helpless and pathetic. I felt alone.

-

"Caitlyn?!"I heard a voice calling my name in the distance. "Caitlyn?!"I heard again and twitched, waking up.

My eyes opened and I stared out into the dark field. I realized I was still on the bench outside of the elementary school. It was still dark. I suddenly felt scared; a dread settling in my stomach.

"Caitlyn!" Mark sighed with a smile as he slid onto his knees in front of me. I looked at him confused for a second. He had washed the dread away, knowing that someone had found me, but it wasn't a stranger... a serial killer. Why was he here of all places?

"I've been looking for you for hours," he said as he brushed hair out of my face.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you were gone." he said quietly. I noticed his tear stained cheeks and red eyes. I saw how disheveled he looked and instantly felt horrible.

"Taylor called me and said she was worried. Said that you wouldn't answer her calls or texts and she knew you weren't asleep, so I went over. And your front door was unlocked and all of your stuff was there but you were gone."

My hand snapped to my mouth as I remembered what had happened. I was instantly crying as hard as ever, probably more so for having worried my friends like an asshole. I was dragged off the bench and into Mark's chest. I kept my hands glued to my face as I let it out, wrapped in his arms.

"You're so cold," he thought aloud as he squeezed me as tight as he could. "Shhh," he sighed into my ear. I could hear him sniffle before he let out another Shhh.

We sat locked in that position on the ground for 20 or 30 minutes. I had to have stopped crying, but my face was numb, and I couldn't stop shaking - either from my nerves or the early November chill, but most likely both.

"Come on," Mark said quietly as he moved to stand up.

At that moment, I'd never heard anything sweeter than his deep voice. I also got up and tried to push my hair out of my face as best I could, but it was all too stuck to my cheeks. Each of his hands took one of my wrists and pulled them up to his neck. Before I knew it he'd picked me up. I held in my yelp and instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist.

He started walking towards the street and I clung to him. My grip got tighter and tighter as I thought that no matter what, I really did care about Mark more than almost anyone else. I should tell him. I wanted to tell him. But God, I couldn't take anymore heartbreak tonight and I knew there was a good chance that was where that would end up. Mark didn't let it out, but I could feel him chuckle as I squeezed him.

He dropped me down once he got to his car. But even then, I held the front of his shirt in my fists, forcing him to stay close to me. He pulled his arms up around my shoulders and I leaned forward, my head fitting perfectly under his chin.

"I need you to tell me." he whispered.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

His lips pressed against my forehead.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I continued on as they pressed against another spot on my forehead.

"Continue later, you'e gonna get sick if you stay out here." he silenced me as he pulled open the car door.