Friends Before Lovers

“Then he’d turn into a stalker,” Larry looked up from his planner with raised eyes. “Its either A. you sit down and talk out some kind of plan to be together, take it slow and then go further. B. Fuck him and let him become obsessed and turn into a goddamn psycho murderer, which is bad for business so I wouldn’t be very happy with you. Or C. tell him there’s no chance, to move on. Its actually pretty simple, the hard part is figuring it out.”

“Thank you confusious,” I glared at him for being so damn nonchalant about it. “Come find me when you’re ready to start, or call my cell. I’m going to go talk to Zacky.”

“Oh, that was fast,” he sat back straight, looked ahead and shrugged before going back to his planner, writing down something in thick black ink. “Check one for the Larry man.”

“If you weren’t my boss,” I smiled sweetly and patted his back. He chuckled as I walked off in search for Zacky Baker, the man I’d been avoiding romantically for nearly ten years.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I don’t think he’s positively delicious. It’s because, really- I don’t think we’d last, because I’m such a bitch and he’s such a good guy, I don’t think I could put him through a month with me, let alone a lifetime. Beth always says that he’ll calm me down, make me less of a heinous bitch but I think I’d break him before he had a chance. Plus the factor that we’ve been really good friends since fifth grade, I would hate to end a friendship that’s lasted as long as ours has because I ruined it. I may be acting selfishly but honestly I would rather pretend for a second that there was nothing ever there than lose him forever after having him once and I planned on telling him that.

When I found him, he had just got out of his black Mercury and was locking it; he turned around and stopped on his heels before he literally ran me over. “Shit!” he grabbed my shoulders so I wouldn’t fall and pulled me close to him to balance us out. “Are you okay, Acelin?”

“I’m fine, sorry,” I apologized and gave him a smile that matched. If you’re wondering, Zacky is the only person ever allowed to call me by my first name, always has been. I can’t really say why, I just like hearing how he says it. Maybe that's why a lot of people (Brian, Johnny and Val) say I'm just as in love with him? “Can we talk?”

“Yeah of course,” he glanced up and spotted Johnny getting out of his car. “Christ, can you take my shit inside; I’m going to walk to the store with Ace.”

“Grab me an energy drink will you?” Johnny grabbed Zacky stuff and walked towards the door of the studio where we were all meeting for another record.

“Yeah no problem man,” Zacky waved him off and gestured for me to walk with him, he held his hand out like he always did and instead of ignoring it like I always did, I grabbed it and walked with him. “Are you okay?”

“Zacky,” I stopped where I was walking, we were in the bushes between the studio and the corner store. I bit my lip as I tried to find the words. “I don’t know how to start so, give me a second; it may end up being blunt as hell.”

“Like you’re never,” he smirked and leaned back against a big tree that shaded us from the hot LA sun.

“I know you love me, like- legit love me. I’ve tried to ignore it because—the God’s honest truth, I don’t think I deserve you and I think that I’d end up ruining what friendship we’ve always had. I don’t want to not have you as a friend. I know it’s been rough this last year being friends with me because I’ve ignored you so much but I’m really scared that I’ll fuck you up like I always fuck up. I’m a bitch, I hurt everyone. I run people off and I don’t want to run you off, you’ve always been there for me. I—I don’t want to lose you but I feel I am,” I stopped when I felt tears prickling my eyes; I wiped them away before they had a chance to fall. Zacky stepped closer and lifted my head. “Zacky, I would rather pretend for a second that there was nothing ever there than lose you forever after having you.”

“Do you love me?” he asked softly, his beautiful and most unique eyes stared at my face, trying to figure out what I was thinking. “Do you want to be with me?”

“Zacky,” I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears for one but I didn’t want to see his face when I told him no. I was about to utter the words that felt like hot lava but I was stopped dead in my thoughts when I felt lips touch mine. It was the first time in a long time that Zacky had tried to kiss me, this time I let him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him, wanting to make this moment last.

“You’ll never lose me, I know most people say that and they don’t mean it but I’m not like them Acelin. I’ve always been your Zacky and I will always be your Zacky, whether we are friends, lovers or husband and wife. You can’t get rid of me,” he pulled away to tell me, he brushed my hair back and touched my face with his warm, soft hand. “I love you more than anything and you don’t have to be scared, we won’t plan ahead for anything. We’ll take this slow, a day at a time.”

“I don’t love you like you love me,” I whispered, afraid to tell him but I had pushed him away so much that I didn’t feel for him anymore. “But I love you like I want to love you, like it’s new.”

“That’s good enough for me,” he smiled and I could have melted or flew away from the butterflies in my stomach, he really was breathtaking when he genuinely smiled. “Do we tell anyone?”

“Let’s see if they notice?” I gave him a mischievous grin. “Don’t say a word?”

So we went to the store, grabbed Johnny his energy drink, I grabbed a SOBE strawberry daiquiri drink and another pop tart and Zacky grabbed himself an energy drink and some funyuns, which I laughed at because he had the weirdest taste buds out of anyone I’ve ever met. I waited behind him in line, zoning into my own little world, that I didn’t notice he had snatched my stuff from my hands until he was handing over a twenty to the cashier. “Thanks,” Zacky was handed the change back and turned to hand me my stuff, I had my arms crossed and a narrowed eye look on my face. “What?”

“I was going to pay for that, Baker,” I told him sternly.

“Too bad, I already did. Here,” he handed it back and grabbed everything else in his right arm and used his left to hold open the door for me.

“Thank you,” I muttered after a minute, it was going to take me awhile to get used to thanking him from the nice things he did instead of bitching at him for them.