We Can Dance in Death Tonight

The boys had made it too Flagstaff, Arizona mid-day. the girls and I were leaving for Huntington Beach in just two hours, and we still hadn't left the house.

"ABIGAIL! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOVE A BRICK UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP!" I screamed. just than my phone binged.

hey Sam, Balz's phone died and he forgot his charger, can you grab it before you leave!? I read Ricky's message. I shook my head, running up into my room to grab it quickly.

I have it. I told him quickly. Abbey walked downstairs and we got into my camaro. I drove faster than necessary to the airport. we got our tickets quickly and ran to our gate. within a half hour, we were on the plane.

I slept for most of the flight. Shay waking me up when we landed. I smiled, knowing some of my favorite people were here to pick us up. Abbey only met them once before, the last time she came to see Shay and I. almost two years ago, just after Jimmy had passed. I made it a mental note to go see him again.

as soon as we walked off the plane, I saw flashing lights. I just ignored it, continuing my pass with the girls arms twined with mine. we made it to the carousel and saw Mattie and Zacky.

"AH!" Shay and I screamed. I ran to Zacky as she ran to Matt. than we switched. "you guys remember my cousin Abbey, right?"

"Abigail! it's so nice to see you again" Matt smiled, hugging her.

"come on girls, everyone else is itching to see you" Zacky smiled. they grabbed our bags for us and we followed them to the SUV. "so how's everything going with you and Chris, Abbey?"

"really well, couldn't be happier" she smiled, "how are you guys and your girlfriends? I haven't seen or talked to you guys in so long!"

"we're all doing really well" Mattie answered. we pulled into the driveway and Shay and I almost fell getting out of the car in such a rush. we ran inside and I saw everyone. I hugged and said hello, than walked into the kitchen to grab something to drink. I turned the corner, only to see someone I wasn't expecting.

"Leana, hi" I mumbled. I hadn't seen or talked to her since Jimmy's passing. she oddly got over it quickly.

"Sammy, hi" she whispered. "the girls told me you were coming and I really wanted to see you. I know you aren't happy with how fast I pushed things away but I couldn't sit there in that house and stare at pictures of the two of us, lay in that bed where he died. all I heard was his voice and his laugh, I had to get out of there. I have this for you, I've been wanting to give it to you for awhile now, but I wasn't in town when you came over last"

she came over to me and handed me a box. I opened in and inside was Jimmy's favorite necklace, and a ring.

"he had that ring made for you just a few weeks before he passed. he was going to give it to you on your birthday. It's kinda late, but its still from Jimmy" she whispered to me.

I began crying. I put Jimmy's necklace on immediately, but took my time looking at the ring. he knew my Irish decent, so he got me a claddagh ring, the two hands, the heart shaped stone and the crown. the stone was clear, the background the deathbat. I looked at the band, and engraved in it said Is breá liom tú midget, go deo which meant 'I love you midget, forever' in Irish. I giggled threw the tears at his old nickname for me. I was indeed, a midget around him.

"you gave her the ring?" I heard Zacky's voice say, she nodded. I felt his arm wrap around me. "he truly did love you. I know he told you that all the time, but you were one of his favorite people. he'd always tell us about the two of you and your crazy adventures. even if you two just went for ice cream. he was so worried when you were in the hospital. he was a mess. worse than the rest of us put together. I know you miss him"

"I need to go see him" I whispered. Zacky handed me his keys and I ran out of the house. I began my race to the cemetery when I heard Ricky's ringtone go off. "yeah Ricky?"

"its me babe, what's wrong. why are you crying?" Josh freaked. I took in a deep sigh, trying to calm myself down.

"I'm going to see Jimmy. I'm a mess right now baby, I'll talk to you when I see you. I love you"

"it'll be okay baby, I love you" he hung up.

I sat at Jimmy's grave, talking to him, crying. I sat there for a good hour, until Matt came up behind me and wrapped his huge arms around me.

"he doesn't want you to mourn anymore Sam. he wants you too be happy. be happy for him" he whispered. I just nodded. he picked me up and brought me back to the car. I guess he ran here, because he drove home as I sat in the passengers seat, twirling the ring on my right hand.

It was Thursday, November 10th and we were meeting up with the boys in L.A today. Matt drove us to meet up with us, promising me he'd be at my show, along with everyone else. the boys were outside, waiting for us. we basically ran to them

"oh fuck, we've missed you girls!" Allie yelled, hugging the three of us before we got to the guys. we heard them protesting behind us, we just laughed. I hugged Chris, Korel, Ricky, Ryan, Devin and Angelo first, than went to Josh. Kuza just kinda stared at us all. I kissed his lips gently.

"I've missed those lips" he whispered against them, pecking at them a little more.

"STOP HOGGING MY LITTLE SISTERS!" I heard, Josh let me down and Shay, Abbey and I ran to Tyler and the guys. "fuck, I miss you guys"

"we miss you guys too!" Shay squealed, as Zack hugged her tight. I hugged Zack, Dusty, Justin, and Daniel.

"let's meet up for dinner. all of us, we'll get the Chunk and BTF guys too!" Tyler suggested.

"why don't we just do a family dinner, Ty" I told him, he nodded and squeezed me.

we helped Allie as the boys played. We spent most of the day with her actually. After the show, we found the word alive boys and went to the closest restaurant. I sat between Josh and Ricky. I looked around and saw how cute Ricky was being with Shay, and Chris was being with Abbey. even Ryan was being cute, and he see's his wife everyday. for some reason, Josh was being really weird.

"uh Ricky, do you want to join me for a cigarette?" I asked, he just turned and noticed my expression, and nodded. we excused ourselves and walked outside, out of line from the window so no one could see us.

I pulled out my pack of Marlboro reds and my white lighter. I placed it between my lips and lit it up, exhaling. Ricky sat down next to me, doing the exact same thing. his arm found its way around my waist, and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"what's wrong?" he asked. he knew how I was feeling. I loved being so close to him.

"something's not right with Josh" I mumbled, taking another drag and attempting to blow the remains away from Ricky's face.

"what do you mean? you've been talking to him the whole time we've been gone" he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

"no...his phone's been dead. he forgot the charger at home. you texted me and told me to bring it for him.." I said, he looked at me like I had four heads.

"no I didn't. I guess he took my phone and texted you. he's been using Ryan's charger for the mean time. I thought he was texting you this whole time"

my heart began to race as I took another drag. I flicked the cigarette and stood up. I started walking back and forth infront of him. he stood up and grabbed my wrist, flicking his butt down.

"calm down Sam, I'm sure he's just been talking to the guys from home. there's nothing to worry about. now, lets get back inside and enjoy our time with you girls. he might just be tired from the show" he assured me. I just nodded, agreeing. we walked back inside and looked at Josh, who kissed me and licked my bottom lip. I giggled.

after dinner, we separated to the different bus/RVs and made our way to San Diego. Josh Korel was on driving duty, so I didn't have to worry about not spending the night with Josh. We laid in his bunk for awhile, just looking at each other. he kept pecking at my lips every so often.

"how's the shows been?" I asked, finally breaking the silence. he smiled, knowing I actually did care about how the shows were.

"amazing. the kids have been so supportive" I loved his smile. "where'd you get the necklace and ring?"

"it's Jimmy's favorite necklace and apparently, he got this ring for me a few weeks before he passed. he was going to give it to me on my birthday. the inside says 'i love you midget, forever' in Irish. he used to call me midget all the time because I was so much shorter than him. his ex-fiancee gave it to me yesterday" I told him, trying my best not to get upset. I leaned over and pecked at my lips.

I brushed away a piece of hair that had fallen infront of his eyes. he curled his fingers threw the belt loops of my pants and pulled my hips closer to his. I giggled. "I fucking love that giggle" I smiled.

he flipped onto his back, pulling me on top of him. I was so short that I was only up to his shoulders. I pulled myself up a little and leaned on my elbow, making sure I wasn't hurting him. I stared down at him. he brushed some of my bangs behind my ear, keeping his hand on the back of my head. he smirked that evil smirk and butterflies flew in my stomach. he knew what he was doing to me too. he pulled me down and kissed me passionately, gently tugging on my lip rings. I let out a soft moan. I heard his muffled giggles. I bit down on his bottom lip and I heard him moan. he moved his hands to my hips and pulled me up a little father. I was now straddling him. he moved his attack from my lips to my jaw line and down to my neck, nipping at my soft spot.

"babe, we cant" I told him. he nodded, continuing. I tried my hardest not to strip him down, too give into my urges. I flipped over and laid on my back. "we cant! we're only separated by a curtain"

"I know" he mumbled, visibly sad. I pulled him close, digging my head into the nook of his neck and falling asleep.

today was the day of my show. I woke up before Josh, so I went into the bathroom, showered and got myself presentable. I pulled on the black thigh length dress I'd brought the other day. it had one thick strap over one shoulder and the back was mostly open. I put on a silver belt I'd brought to match and loosely curled my hair. I put on the black open toed boot heels I had and finally was done. I walked out of the bathroom and everyone was awake and sitting around.

"holy fuck!" Allie screamed. "that dress, makes your boobs look fucking amazing! damn girl, you hot" she winked. I just laughed. Josh pulled me down to his lap and kissed me.

most of the day I spent with Allie and the girls. they'd all decided to get dressed up for my show. they were going to shower and change after Tyler's set. it was around 2:30 and no one had seen Josh since their set was over.

"Chris, do you know where Josh is?" I asked, he shook his head.

"have you checked the RV? I know he was planning on getting cleaned up for your show" Ricky told me, wrapping his arm around my waist, grabbing my hand and twirling me around as if we were dancing. I giggled.

"I'll go see" I told him. I blew them all a kiss as I walked away, since they'd been clapping at Ricky and I's little dance scene. I opened the RV door. "babe, are you here?" I asked. walking on, not even bothering to close the door. "Josh!?" I asked. I heard a giggle and was wondering if a fan got onto the RV somehow. I saw Josh's bunk was the only one closed. I opened it quickly. tears already formed.

"babe!" he yelled. I saw Mary's smirk from behind him.

"I knew something wasn't fucking right. how could you! I fucking trusted you! I gave you my everything, and you do this to me?" I cried.

"oh get over it, he was mine first honey" Mary mumbled.

"Mary, shut up!" he screamed. I took off his promise ring and threw it at his head, walking towards the front of the RV. "baby, just listen to me!"

"NO!" I screamed. "just leave me the fuck alone Josh. I'm fucking done." he stood there, staring at me.

"are you really going to throw everything away, so fucking easily?" he asked. I stood at the door.

"obviously you did" I mumbled. I walked away and found my phone in my mess of a purse. I dialed a number I hadn't talked to in awhile.

"hello?" he answered. I was never so happy to hear his voice.

"TJ, can you come get me?" I cried.