We Can Dance in Death Tonight

"aye, calm down. where are you?" his voice rang of worry.

"broadway and first" I said, sitting down on the bench. I was glad I wasn't in P.A or i'd be freezing.

"I'll be there in five minutes" he promised. I heard him juggling his keys and the line went dead. five minutes? from LA?

I sat there, trying to pull myself together. I heard his ringtone go off once, twice, three times. I was trying so hard not to break down again. my phone binged and I looked at it, his name popping up.

baby please, just answer I read. I pressed the lock button, allowing the screen to turn black. just than I heard a engine pull up, I looked up and saw TJ getting out of his car. he came over to me and hugged me tight.

"Sammy, what happened?" he asked.

"he cheated on me. with Mary. I went onto the RV to see if he was there and caught them basically fucking. she was mostly named and he only had boxers on" I mumbled, beginning to cry. I felt him shaking. he helped me to the car and got in. he held my hand as I cried. we pulled up infront of his hotel and he led me to the room. I laid on the bed, curled up. he sat infront of me on the other bed.

"I can't believe him" he mumbled. "I'm so sorry babe. I'm so so fucking sorry"

"what are you doing in San Diego?" I asked. he just smiled at me.

"do you really think I was going to miss my best friends show? fuck no!" a small hitch turned my lips up. I was glad he was here, after everything I said too him, after he left in such an unsatisfying way, he was still my best friend in the end. "you look absolutely beautiful by the way"

"thanks Thorn Jingles" we giggled. "I miss having you around the house. there's no one for me to fight with, to stare at me all pervey when im just in a towel. to sing about riding your horse to the movies"

"come to my apartment anytime you want, and I promise you it'll happen" he laughed. Ricky's ringtone filled the room. "Balz?"

"no, Ricky" I mumbled, searching my purse for my phone. I picked it up quickly, trying my best to sound okay. "hey Rick"

"where are you?! your brothers on in five, and you just disappeared"

"I'm out to lunch with TJ. I'll be back for my show. tell Tyler I'm sorry" I told him. TJ just smirked.

"wait, you're with TJ? he's a traitor Sam, why are you with him?"

"Ricky, I know we're all still upset with him but he's still our brother. I'll see you later" I hung up. his eyes were sad "just give them a little time, they'll get over it. it would've been better if you told them"

"I know I left in the worst way possible, I should tell them I'm sorry later" I nodded. "why don't you get cleaned up a little, we'll go get some sushi"

I got off the bed and grabbed my makeup bag. I went to the bathroom and reapplied most of my makeup, touching up my hair with some hair spray. once I was done, we got back into his car and found the nearest sushi place. he just laughed at me when he saw I couldn't use chopsticks. he tried to teach me but I just wound up stabbing the shit out of it. once we were done, and he so kindly paid, against my will, we went to the venue and I talked to the guys. sooner or later, people started to flood into the room. I stood behind the curtain with the guys.

"I'm sorry about the sudden set change" I told them. they just smiled and hugged me.

"I think we'll make a point" Ben smiled.

I looked out again and saw TJ talking to the guys, Josh was no where to be found. I saw them all hug each other and smiled. I saw my A7X family walk in and find a table. Josh finally showed up, once TJ saw him, he walked away. they were all standing in a row, they had no idea what had gone down.

"you ready?" Doug asked, I nodded. I grabbed my mic and waited for Mikey to play his opening. as soon as he was done, Doug, Ben and Rob walked on, playing the opening to our first song. I walked out and I heard everyone screaming. TJ was right infront of me, and I planned on keeping my attention on him.

"hey San Diego, how the fuck you guys doing?!" I yelled, everyone yelled back "we're The Darkest Hours, and this song is called Smother" I began to sing a song Doug and had written awhile back. I looked up and saw Ricky, Ryan, Chris and Angelo singing along. It warmed my heart to know they'd looked up my songs before. Shay and Abbey have seen us play a million time.

our next song was Invest. it was all about Rob's love of money. though unless you thoroughly looked at the lyrics, you'd never know. A song called Dark Times was about my friendship with Ronnie and any other friend that had turned to alcohol and drugs. the last song that we sang, that was actually written by us, was called Revenge. all together, we wrote it for our exes who'd cheated on us.

"alright, now we're going to sing some covers, you all good with that?!" I asked, gaining a nice response. "I want to dedicate this song to my best friends Angelo, Chris, Ricky, Ryan, TJ, Devin, all the boys on this stage, and my second family, you guys know who you are" I smiled "this is called Friends Are Friends Forever!"

Can you tell me how this ends! I've never been so close to anyone as you It feels like I'm dreaming, don't wake me up!

Today is for believing And I am on my last breath The air seems so stale I voiced my love to inhale I'll be alright As long as you're here by my side!

Sell short When you're worth so much more You're so much more than I deserve!

You always had to lend a hand That's why I'll be right here next to you until the end Never giving up You're always there, to lift me up! When times get tough! When times get tough! Hopes and dreams they are shared by you and me This is where I want to be, you are my family

Sell short When you're worth so much more You're so much more than I deserve!

You and I we built this together Through every practice, this is our surrender, right? Through all the blood, the sweat, the tears Everything's been worth it! And I will protect us. Until my last dying breath!

OH! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE! CAUSE I NEED YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE! FORGOTTEN! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE! CAUSE I NEED YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE

I won't leave you, here alone. We stand by each other. I won't leave you, here alone. We stand by each other

I heard everyone screaming. I saw them all clapping, blowing kisses my way. I looked and saw him just standing there, clapping. he seemed so sad.

"this next song, is for a very dear friend of mine who passed away two years ago. he meant the absolute world to me, and I could really use him right now. Jimbo, your midget loves you and misses you. I can't wait to be with you in the afterlife" the recording of the violins started playing, Doug, Rob, Ben and Mikey playing along. they weren't as good as Zacky, Brian, Johnny and Jimmy, and they knew that. they were okay with that. I grabbed Jimmy's necklace and kissed it quickly

Like walking into a dream So unlike what you've seen So unsure but it seems 'Cause we?ve been waiting for you

Fallen into this place Just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay You'll be back here soon anyway

I see a distant light But girl, this can't be right Such a surreal place to see So how did this come to be, arrived too early?

And when I think of all the places I just don't belong I've come to grips with life And realize this is going too far

I don't belong here, we gotta move on, dear Escape from this afterlife Cause this time I'm right to move on and on Far away from here

A place of hope and no pain Perfect skies with no rain Can leave this place but refrain 'Cause we've been waiting for you

Fallen into this place Just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay You'll be back here soon anyway

This peace on earth's not right No pain or sign of time

So out of place don't wanna stay I feel wrong and that's my sign I've made up my mind

Give me your hand But realize I just wanna say goodbye Please understand I have to leave And carry on my own life

I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear Escape from this afterlife Cause this time I'm right to move on and on Far away from here

Got nothing against you And surely I'll miss you This place full of peace and light And I'd hope you might Take me back inside when the time is right

Loved ones back home all crying 'Cause they're already missing me I pray by the grace of God That there's somebody listening

Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be (I am unbroken, I'm choking on this ecstasy) Oh Lord, I'll try so hard but You gotta let go of me (Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to live)

I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear Escape from this afterlife Cause this time I'm right to move on and on Far away from here

Got nothing against you And surely I'll miss you This place full of peace and light And I'd hope you might Take me back inside when the time is right

When Jimmy's voice came onto the recording, I tried so hard not to get choked up, and I knew everyone saw it. I looked over to the guys and saw them smiling, Val and Michelle's cheeks stained from tears.

Rob and Doug went into the next song, playing the opening riff. I looked directly at Josh.

Don't speak my name like it belongs in your mouth When everything's the same I just want something else What makes you better than me? If you still end up all by yourself What makes you think that I want to help you now? Don't come back to me I'll show the world that I can finally breathe without these words It's just a story that goes untold It's just a feeling I've never known before I won't forgive you for this So just know that you won't be missed

So don't come back to me Now that you're gone I can finally breathe again And I won't forget you These days here without you are the best that I've ever had So don't come back to me Now that you're gone I can finally breathe again And I won't forgive you for this So just know that you won't be missed

What makes you better than me? Look at the person you've become I know you never tried at all Don't ever speak my name again\ It won't be long until we reach the end It's just a story that goes untold But I can breathe and there's room for me to grow I won't forgive you for this So just know that you won't be missed

So don't come back to me Now that you're gone I can finally breathe again And I won't forget you These days here without you are the best that I've ever had So don't come back to me Now that you're gone I can finally breathe again And I won't forgive you for this So just know that you won't be missed

Don't speak my name again I won't forgive you I won't forget Don't speak my name again It won't be long until we reach the end.

not many people knew I could scream, some people in the audience had pure shock on their faces. TJ just smiled at me, proud. I looked around to my other friends, and they were a bit confused.

"uh so this is our last song, and we're going to slow it down. everyone give a huge round of applause to my drummer, Mikey, my bassist, Rob and guitarists Ben and Doug!" everyone clapped. I thanked Rob as he handed me my acoustic guitar and Ben brought out two stools. the lights dimmed and Doug rejoined me on stage with his violin. "this last song is just going to be me and Doug"

as I began to play, Doug did too. there were two spotlights on us.

It all goes back to the first kiss It was the one I thought I'd never miss Maybe we were one of the lucky ones Maybe I'm just not quite strong enough This was supposed to be the easy part, but breaking down is what I found hard Now I'm wearing this smile that I don't believe in Inside I feel like screaming

He gave me every reason to believe I'd found the one, but my doubts somehow they sold me out

I'm bruised and scarred Save me from this broken heart All my love will slowly fade and fall apart Someone please sing this lovesick melody Call my name if you're afraid I'm just a kiss away

I'm finding out in the hardest way The consequence of every mistake I've ever made Baby what's it like to be alone? I don't want to know I don't want to know

He gave me every reason to believe I'd found the one, but my doubts somehow they sold me out

I'm bruised and scarred Save me from this broken heart All my love will slowly fade and fall apart Someone please sing this lovesick melody Call my name if you're afraid I'm just a kiss away

So baby be honest, is this what you wanted? We lost what we started and found out much more than we want to know About how we're letting go

So baby be honest, is this what you wanted? We lost what we started and found out much more than we want to know

I'm bruised and scarred Save me from this broken heart All my love will slowly fade and fall apart Someone please sing this lovesick melody Call my name if you're afraid I'm just a kiss away

Doug joined me on backing vocals. I looked at him and I knew exactly what was going threw his head. once we finished, Mikey, Rob and Ben rejoined us on stage and we bowed.

"please welcome our good friends This Providence!" I yelled into the mic. everyone clapped and screamed.

I stood side stage with them as my A7X family came back to tell me how awesome we were. I hugged them and thanked them for coming. we said goodbye and I promised them I'd come back and see them. they left. TJ was soon standing next to me.

"before we start our third song" I heard Dan's perfect Australian accent sing "I want Sammy to come sing this with us! I know you know all the words Sammy! get out here!"

TJ pushed me out and I took Dan's hand. David handed me his mic as they all started playing. I laughed. I sang every word with Dan. We sang Letdown together. dancing around as we sang do, do, do, do

-Balz-

As soon as Sam got off stage with this band, I saw TJ wrap his arm around her and led her outside. the guys and I followed.

"SAM!" I yelled, running towards her. I grabbed onto her arm, I heard her crying again.

"don't you fucking touch her!" TJ yelled, pushing me away from her. "Sam, get in the car"

"whoa, TJ, what the hell?" Ricky asked. he stared at me.

"they don't know do they?" he asked.

"TJ, mind your own fucking business, this is between my girlfriend and I" I told him.

"what didn't you understand about 'I'm done' Josh?" she whispered.

"done? done with what?" Chris asked. I got around TJ and grabbed onto her hips again.

"babe, please" I whispered, TJ grabbed me and slammed me against our RV.

"TJ, stop!" she yelled.

"TJ, calm down. someone please explain!" Angelo yelled.

"he cheated on me! I went into the RV early and found him and Mary basically fucking" she yelled. I saw 7 heads turn towards me.

"are you FUCKING KIDDING ME JOSHUA!" Abbey screamed, storming towards me. Chris grabbed her, but no one grabbed Shay. she smacked me right across the face.

I looked at her and saw her tear stained cheeks. I knew she saw mine, but she probably just thought it was from being slapping.

"Sam, I love you" I told her "I'm sorry"

"suck a fuck Joshua" she mumbled, getting into the car and closing the door. TJ wasn't far behind her.

I looked at everyone, pure disgust was written all over their faces. everyone but Ricky walked onto the RV. he turned, just his face towards me.

"after everything that girl fucking did for us, did for you, after everything she fucking went threw, you stoop so low to hurt her. I was wondering why she seemed so upset and broken during her performance, I guess she just saw your face. you don't know how much that girl fucking loves you huh? have you even taken the time to fucking look her up on youtube? I bet you haven't. you don't even know the words to her fucking songs. and to think, she fucking covered a song yesterday for you. she knew something wasn't right at dinner last night, and I told her everything was fucking fine. thanks for making us all look like fucking pieces of shit Balz" he mumbled.

when I walked onto the bus, no one looked at me, no one said a word. I pulled out my laptop and searched her name on youtube. the newest video popped up.

I want to dedicate this song to my fucking amazing, wonderful, heartfelt, sweet, caring, gorgeous and so many other things. my boyfriend. I love you Joshua Balz. this songs called I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know by Never Shout Never

she began to strum at that guitar, my ring shining in the sunlight that snuck into the room. I listened to the words carefully, I hadn't noticed I'd been crying. Abbey and Shay walked into the back room and saw me, hearing her voice come from my speakers.

"I fucked up so bad" I mumbled to them.