You're Pretty From Afar

I woke up in a complete shit mood and I knew exactly why this was. Max and Josh had left over an hour ago so I was sure that they were due back any minute, much to my dismay. I was sitting in my bunk, some may call it hiding, I call it staying out the way. I knew I couldn’t avoid the situation completely but I could at least put it off, so that’s exactly what I was doing- lying in my bunk, earphones in and shutting out the world.

As I was drifting off to sleep I heard some muffled sounds from the front of the bus and the faint sound of someone calling my name, “Lily, are you on here?” I heard Mia call. I took out my earphones and sat up in my bunk, was I really ready for this? The answer was probably no but I couldn’t hold it off anymore- here goes nothing.

I pulled back the curtain and climbed out slowly, “What are you doing in there? It’s like a billion degrees on here,” Mia stood infront of me.

I looked straight at her, wasn’t it obvious why I was hiding in there?

“Oh,” she clocked on, “don’t worry they’re not back yet,” she smiled.

Turns out Mia spoke to soon, as she finished her sentence the door flew open and Max, followed by Holly and Josh arrived on the bus.

“Hey guys, I want you to meet Holly. Holly this is Mia and Lily,” Josh smiled at, avoiding all eye contact with me which seemed strange.

“Hey, nice to meet you,” Holly said sweetly.

“You too,” Mia and I said in unison.

Holly was quite a bit shorter than Josh but she was wearing killer wedges so she was nearly matching his height. To be honest she was actually really pretty, she had blonde curled hair, green eyes and a few freckles. As pretty as she was she was trying way too hard to impress or she was just completely overdressed, her outfit was far too dressy and Mia and I looked like dogs next to her in our vest tops and shorts.

Holly turned back to Josh, “I’m just going to go and put my stuff away and freshen up, where will you be?”

“Meet me at the merch tent whenever you finish,” he smiled and they kissed for a good ten seconds whilst the rest of us stood there awkwardly. I wasn’t really a big fan of public displays of affection but watching Holly shove her tongue down Josh’s throat made me want to chuck up. I couldn’t stand it any longer and she’d barely been here five minutes. I had also just realised that I had to spend the afternoon on merch with Josh and now probably Holly because Mia was swanning off somewhere with Max and the rest of the guys were busy- this should be fun.

I didn’t wait for Josh, I just headed straight to the merch tent, I was in such a shit mood and the heat was killing me along with the thought of spending the next three hours with those two.

Josh finally arrived and didn’t even acknowledge me. I wanted to know if I’d done something wrong, if he was purposely avoiding me or just being a bitch. I started helping to get the merch prepared and ready for when people bought it and the awkward silence between Josh and I was too much to bear. Josh kept stomping about like a two year old, not even caring that fans were trying to be nice to him, he was being plain rude and selfish. He was obviously in a bad mood, I had no idea why since his girlfriend just arrived, but I didn’t care to be honest, it was just pissing me off.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop being a moody git,” I said sternly.

“Leave it out Lily,” he sniped without turning to look at me.

“I don’t want to work with you if you’re going to be a twat,” he was so infuriating.

“Don’t work with me then,” Josh retorted.

I scoffed, “As much as I would love to, unfortunately you need me to help you so I can’t do that I’m afraid.”

“Just leave me alone then.”

I wasn’t going to argue with Josh anymore, he was being a dick, simple as. I had no idea why and I didn’t care. I just knew I needed a drink as soon as I finished, and it looked as if I was going to need a few seeing as Holly had just turned up to help us.

“Hey babe,” Josh’s mood suddenly lightened up and he planted a kiss on her lips.

“Hey, I’ve missed you,” she kissed him back.

“I’ve missed you more,” Josh replied playfully making me gag.

The rest of the afternoon went on like this, Holly and Josh not doing much work, but all over each other. Josh ignored me the whole afternoon so I was practically working alone, I didn’t even know why they were there to be honest. The more they just sat doing nothing and the more Josh ignored me the more pissed I got at him. He was such a fucking child, I don’t even know what happened- as soon as Holly had arrived he had acted so strangely and just fucking stupid. Why would he even ignore me or act like I wasn’t there? It made no sense.

***

My shit day had caused me to head straight to the nearest bar and get smashed; I couldn’t wait for Mia before I got myself a drink and by the time she arrived I’m pretty sure I had already downed three vodka and cranberry juices.

“Alright Lils? How many have you had?” Max laughed as he sat down next to me whilst Mia got drinks in.

“Not many,” I said, feeling my head already going woozy, “I could do with a few more though.”

“Rough day huh?” Max looked concerned.

I sighed heavily, “Let’s just say my plan for today wasn’t to do all the work whilst Josh and Holly stood around just getting off with each other, so yeah wasn’t the best day.”

“Ah, I see. How are you about Josh and Holly?” Max asked as Mia sat down.

Mia and I looked at each other, we both knew exactly how I was and it wasn’t good, “To be honest, I’m not great and I could do without another day like today but as long as I don’t have to be around them 24/7 I’ll be fine,” I smiled weakly, “I want to know why Josh was being a complete prick to me though, he kept ignoring me and acting like I had done something to piss him off. Just when I thought we could be friends and I would at least try to be happy for him he turns on me and acts like a complete dick,” I could feel my body temperature rising, I didn’t realise how pissed off I was with Josh and the alcohol just made it worse.

“I wouldn’t worry about it Lils, Josh is being Josh, he doesn’t know how to handle it, having his ex and new girlfriend on the same bus, it’s no excuse but it just is what it is. Just forget about it and have some fun,” Max smiled.

“Come on, let’s go dance!” Mia grabbed my hand and pulled me up to the dance floor. I wasn’t really into it at first but once I had another couple rounds of vodka and cranberry juice I was completely loose and felt so much more relaxed.

Dan, Matt and Chris had all joined us with a couple of guys from Mayday Parade so we all decided it was a good idea to have shots- and we had lots of them.

“I love you Dan, you know that? I love all you guys,” I slurred, “except Josh, he’s mean and I don’t like him, or his girlfriend.”

Dan laughed and put his arm around my shoulder, “I think we should get you back to the bus missy!”

I pouted at Dan, “No, I don’t want to go, I want to stay here and dance some more!”

“Come on, I’ll take you back,” he smiled and pulled me up, supporting my body weight.

When Dan and I reached the bus I made him go on first to check the coast was clear and then he led me onto the sofa where if I remember correctly I passed out. Dan laid a blanket over me as I curled up and I heard him get into his own bunk as I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke in the middle of the night with a mouth as dry as the Sahara. I slowly got up, my head thumping, my body wobbling all over the place and my eyes barely able to open. As I was filling up a glass of water I heard a loud crash behind me, “Shit!” a voice yelped.
I could hear it was Josh but I chose to ignore him so I resumed my place on the sofa, however as much as I wanted to, I didn’t go unnoticed.

“Oh Lily shit, um did I wake you?” Josh rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

I really wasn’t up to talking to Josh, I felt sick enough already.

“No, I was already awake,” I said politely, trying to put the subject to rest and get back to sleep.

Josh just nodded and turned to get some milk out the fridge. For as long as I had known him, he had always done that- got up in the middle of the night to drink milk out the carton and he usually took a few sleeping pills as it was something he struggled with sometimes.

Just as Josh headed back for his bunk he turned around sharply and I could feel his gaze on me. I turned to look at him and we held awkward eye contact for a while before he looked down at his feet sheepishly.

“You know I’m sorry about earlier Lily, I didn’t mean to be such a prick,” he said softly.

I was sick of arguing with him, seriously, I couldn’t take it anymore, “Save it Josh, I should know by now that your apologies don’t mean anything,” I snapped.

“I really am sorry Lily, you have to know that, I’m truly sorry,” his voice broke out defeated.

Josh and I both knew that he wasn’t just talking about today; he was talking about everything he had put me through, every single fucking mistake that he had made.

I stood up so I was level with Josh, I don’t know why I was so angry, I guess the alcohol in my system wasn’t doing me any favours. “I’ve heard it so many times before Josh and I’m sick of it. I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry anymore, you shouldn’t anything to be sorry for in the first place and I most certainly do not care whether you are sorry or not about ignoring me, I don’t give a shit.”

Josh looked up at me, “You could hide it a bit better, I know you care really. I know you don’t like Holly and I know you don’t want me to be with her, but you can’t get everything you want. You either want to be with me or you don’t, but as soon as I make the tiniest effort to move on you can’t just act as if I’m in the wrong. I did exactly as you said and left you alone.”

“You are unbelievable! I don’t care if you’re dating Holly or any one for that matter, I just don’t think you should treat me like you did that moment she came to town. I know we weren’t the best of friends but I was thinking that we were getting somewhere and all of a sudden you blank me and look at me like I’m nothing,” I hissed.

“Lily don’t pretend like you don’t care because I know you do. I know that you wanted us to work out eventually and for us to be together but all your stupid mind games and head fucks got in the way of that and you haven’t got your way so are trying to act as if it doesn’t bother you; deep down it’s eating away at you and you can’t do anything about it,” Josh was clenching his fists whilst trying to stay quiet so not to wake the rest of the bus.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I said as I headed out the door of the bus and ran as fast as I could. I ran as fast as my legs would take me, away from the bus, away from Josh and away from everything. I couldn’t take it anymore- the constant arguing, snide comments and bitchiness was so not me and I hated the person I was becoming because of it, it had to stop.