Break Your Little Heart

Holiday slid in next to Cassadee and glanced with cautious optimism between the two girls.

“Did you guys have a nice talk?”

“Yep.” Chloe smiled brightly. “Cassadee and I were just talking about back when you and I lived together, Hols.” Holiday looked at Cassadee and Chloe shot her a look. Cassadee nodded, a suitable response to both girls. Holiday beamed at them.

“Good! So moving on from what I’m sure was just an endless supply of embarrassing stories, I want to hear about Rian, missy!”

Cassadee laughed, but her eyes strayed to Chloe. Chloe offered her a small smile. Holiday caught Cassadee’s glance and smacked her forehead.

“Chloe, I forgot I didn’t tell you! Cass is dating Rian Dawson, the drummer for the band All Time Low!” Cassadee blushed lightly. “They’re the cutest couple ever, I swear to God.” Chloe smiled and Holiday returned her attention to Cassadee. “Sooooooo, tell me about it!”

With another quick glance at Chloe, who just gave a small reassuring nod, Cassadee’s eyes glazed over with love and she launched into how great it was to see him, how great tour had been, how much fun she had had, and how much she already missed him. Chloe tuned her out, taking advantage of the fact that Lulu had brought their food out. Chloe smiled up at her and received a kiss on the forehead in return.

An hour later the girls had finished their food and Cassadee had finished her story. She and Holiday had drifted into a romance induced coma, though Chloe had absolutely no idea who Holiday would be day dreaming about. Chloe cleared her throat and the other girls snapped back to reality, both blushing furiously. Chloe giggled and Holiday shot her a glare.

“Shut it, you.” She pointed a finger threateningly at Chloe. The blonde rolled her eyes, leaning forward to bite Holiday’s finger lightly. Holiday snatched it away with a glare, eliciting another giggle from Chloe and one from Cassadee as well. “That’s right, laugh it up blondie. Just because you live in OliLand where everything is beautiful and British and there are –”

“Holiday, stop complaining and just tell me who you’re crushing on like you so desperately want to.” Chloe quickly interrupted.

“If you insist.” Holiday grinned slyly.

She glanced at Cassadee out of the corner of her eye. Cassadee’s eyes widened, realizing what Holiday was about to say, and started shaking her head, but Holiday was already talking.

“His name is Zack Merrick.”

Chloe instantly froze, eyes widening. Cassadee shot her a sympathetic look, but Holiday had drifted into her far off fantasy land, completely ignoring the exchange between her two best friends.

“He’s the bass player for the band that Rian is in. I really need to play you some of their songs, by the way. Oh and show you a picture of them! But anyway, back to the important things, Zack is the bassist and he’s so cute and nice. Like actually nice, Chloe, not the nice that I tell you is nice but really isn’t. Cass actually introduced us like a while ago when they played a show here and we kinda had a little thing but then I fucked it all up because that’s what I do when a guy isn’t a complete asshole to me and now…I don’t know I just have been thinking a lot lately what with Cass and Rian and you and Oli, especially you and Oli God why did you two have to go and get all super serious and send my biological clock into hyper drive? I blame you for this, Chloe Dankse! I was perfectly fine just flirting around and having fun but now I want something more because you and that damn Britt of yours had to go and get –”

“Holiday!” Chloe snapped, momentarily forgetting just who Holiday was ranting about crushing on.

“Sorry.” Holiday ducked her head sheepishly in an attempt to avoid her best friend’s harsh glare. “I know you don’t like it when I bring that up. It’s just…” Holiday sighed, beginning to trace twirling patterns on the table top with her finger tip. “I see you both so happy and in love and I want that and Zack is pretty much the only guy who has ever come close to making me feel that way.”

Chloe had gone stiff again at Holiday’s last statement. She had to have heard that wrong. There was absolutely no way her best friend and her cousin, two people she had tried to keep far, far away from each other, had managed to not only meet but also begin to develop feelings for each other. Cassadee noticed Chloe’s shocked state and kicked her lightly under the table. Chloe’s eyes snapped to hers, and Cassadee shot a pointed look at Holiday, who was still staring at the table. Chloe let out a breath before standing and dragging Holiday out of her seat.

“Hey.” She said softly, bringing Holiday’s eyes to hers. “You’re going to find that. So what if it isn’t this…” Chloe faltered slightly but quickly recovered. “…this guy. There are plenty more of them out there who would kill to love you and be loved in return. You’re Holiday freaking Mason. You’re gorgeous and kind, far kinder than I could ever even hope to be, and you know exactly who you are. You are so strong, Hols, and you don’t need a man in your life to make you happy. I’ve been through enough with you to know that without a doubt.”

Holiday just continued to stare at Chloe with a hopeless expression. Chloe took a deep breath. She was going to have to just do it. Like ripping off a bandaide. Quick and less painful. Just do it. Now.

“We’re not that serious, Holiday.” Chloe glanced quickly at Cassadee who seemed confused by her words. Good. “Nothing is changing between Oli and I, okay? Absolutely nothing.”

Holiday seemed to understand, something Chloe was grateful for. The less Cassadee knew the better. Holiday nodded and Chloe pulled her in for a hug.

“C’mon.” Chloe said, smiling as she pulled away. “Tomorrow I start with GK which means today is my last day to feed my beach addiction. Who knows, maybe you’ll see Michael again.” Chloe winked and Holiday let out a slight shaky laugh.

“Fine you crazy beach bum. I’ll go pay and then we can stop home and get changed before heading out to get some skin cancer.”

“That’s the spirit!” Chloe smiled.

“Cass, you gonna come?” Cassadee shook her head at Holiday’s question.

“I can’t. I’m meeting up with the boys on tour again in a few days. I need some quality time with my own bed before then.” Holiday giggled, nodding, before walking away from the girls, towards the cash register.

“So, you’re going back on tour.” It was meant to be a question, but Chloe’s blunt tone morphed it into a statement instead.

“Yeah…” Cassadee trailed off awkwardly, looking up to meet Chloe’s eyes. She was shocked to see the blonde looking somewhat sad. With a speedy look over her shoulder to make sure Holiday wasn’t on her way back over, Chloe spoke.

“You can’t tell them you met me. I know that’s going to be hard and you’re going to want to say something, but you can’t. You may have just met me, but you have to be able to tell that things have changed. I’ve moved on. Telling them would only hurt them.” Cassadee bit her lip, conflict written all over her pretty face.

“They really miss you, Chloe. You said it yourself, you haven’t talked to them in five years, but they’re still talking about you. So what if you’ve changed? They still love you. I think you’re just scared. I…I know about Alex, okay?” Chloe winced at the sound of his name, her face betraying the pain she was obviously feeling. “I think that you’re just afraid to see what’s happened to him because you know what your leaving did to him. I’m not going to lie to you, Chloe, that boy is a mess. He can deny it all he wants, but he’s still in love with you. All you have to do is listen to his songs to hear that. And I think the main reason for that is because none of them know why you left. It’s none of pmy business so I’m not going to ask, but it is theirs and they at least deserve an explanation. Especially Alex.”

“You’re right. It isn’t any of your business.” Chloe’s defense was on high alert, her walls instantly flying up. “Things happened, people changed and the past needs to stay in the past. If you want to cause all of them a lot of unnecessary hope and pain by telling them you saw me, go ahead. It’s not going to change anything.”

Chloe stomped out the door before Cassadee could say anything else. She dug around for her cigarettes, immediately lighting one and sucking the smoke down greedily. Chloe would never allow herself to admit it, but the reason she was so upset was because Cassadee was right. She was scared. She was positively terrified. The girl who had run away from Baltimore, from Alex and Jack and Rian and everything else in that godforsaken city, was stupid and selfish. She hadn’t stopped for a second to think about the fact that maybe they wouldn’t just forget her. Maybe they wouldn’t be able to pretend like she had never existed the way she tried to do with them. Chloe had only thought about herself. And she did owe them an explanation. They all deserved to know just why she had up and disappeared without a trace. Of course, they probably wouldn’t like it, but they still deserved to know. And the guilt at the fact that they didn’t, that they probably never would, ate Chloe up inside whenever she stopped to think about it.

That was why she put up such a front. Why she avoided talking about them or even thinking about them. It was why she blocked Zack out whenever he tried to bring them back into her life. Chloe didn’t want to think about the pain that she had caused. Selfish as always, it was easier for Chloe to just move on and ignore her past than try to reconcile with the people she had hurt the most. The door popped open behind her, Holiday and Cassadee making their way out into the sun. Chloe slipped her sunglasses over her eyes and turned to them. Holiday made a face at the cigarette and Chloe took one final drag before flicking it away.

“Bye, Cass!” Holiday cried, flinging herself into Cassadee’s arms as she turned to walk the opposite direction. “I’m gonna miss you so much! Have fun with the boys though, especially Rian.” Holiday waggled her eyebrows suggestively and Cassadee let out a peal of laughter.

“I’ll miss you too, Hols. Lunch as soon as I get back, kay?” Holiday nodded.

“It was nice meeting you, Cassadee.” Chloe’s voice didn’t hold any warmth.

“You too.” Cassadee gave Chloe one last pointed look that thankfully Holiday didn’t catch before stepping around the girls and heading downtown. Once again, Holiday looped her arm through Chloe’s and the pair began their walk back to Holiday’s flat.