Perfectly Dysfunctional

“I’m gonna go get Tom...” I mumbled as I stood up and headed to the door, not looking back when both Max and Nathan called on me. I threw Nathan’s hood up and shoved my hands into the pocket as I trudged down the corridor. Tom had text Nathan asking where they were, and as I was naturally nosey, I read it and decided to go and get him rather than Nathan texting him back. I needed out of that room and out of the hospital in general really, but out of Jay’s room was as good as it was getting right now. I punched on the button for the elevator and stepped inside, punching the ground floor as I went. The elevator was mirrored and my heart beat faster as I chanced a look at myself. My eyes were rimmed with red and they were bloodshot. My eyeliner and mascara from this morning had pretty much merged together as one and mixed around and under my eyes, almost making it look like I had black eyes. I tried to rub it away but it just made it worse, so I sighed and gave up. My hair fell in flat curls around my face and spilled out of the hood as I didn’t bother with drying my hair this morning cos we were going to be late to pick the boys up from the airport. I sighed again as the elevator stopped on the ground floor and I got out, quickly hearing Nareesha’s voice.

“I’m not here because I’m in labour!” she cried in disgust and half a small smile made its way to my lips before it fell again, “I’m here to-”

“Hi, guys,” I said quietly as I stood behind Tom. He spun round on his heel followed by Siva and Nareesha – albeit more slowly – and all three of their jaws dropped. I looked down at my feet and shuffled them awkwardly, “Uh...”

Siva was first to move. He threw himself around me and hugged me close, “I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Me too,” Tom said and squeezed me tight. Both Siva and Tom let go as Nareesha came over and gave me a quick hug too. “So what happened?” Tom asked and I nodded towards the elevator and they followed.

“Well we went round and I went in first to find Jay lying knocked out on the sofa. Dave shut the door and locked it so Nathan couldn’t get in and I guess from there he called you guys,” I nodded in Tom’s direction and he nodded, “And apparently he just watched in the window from then on until you got there with the spare key...” I sighed and continued, “So then Dave made me listen to his bullshit story about how you guys were lying to me about him and the only reason I listened was because he said he’d let me check on Jay if I did. That and I was scared he’d do whatever he done to Jay to me. Oh, which, by the way, was smack him round the back of the head with a ten pound ashtray,” I glared at the elevator doors as I smacked the number for Jay’s floor with a little too much force. I heard Nareesha gasp and I nodded, “Yeah, so, I asked to untie him and he just got pissed, and threw a penknife at us, so I covered Jay’s face cos it was pretty damn close to hitting it, but it hit my back instead,” I said then lifted up the back of Nathan’s hoodie to show them the gauze that covered my stitches, “Seven stitches,” I said and I heard Tom mutter ‘fuck’ under his breath, “So anyway, uh... Jay woke up for a minute in the ambulance but they wouldn’t let me or Max try and keep him awake so he knocked himself out again,” I felt tears threatening to fall again and I felt my voice cracking again, “So after I got my stitches Nathan asked about him and right now it’s not looking so great...”

“What does that mean?” Nareesha asked as she walked out of the elevator hand in hand with Siva.

“It means that Dave really shouldn’t have hit him on the head with a ten pound fucking ashtray to begin with,” I growled under my breath but apologized almost instantly, “No it means that because Dave let him fall asleep, and because I couldn’t wake him up, and because they couldn’t keep him awake when he did wake up, that he could have some damage to his brain.” The way they’d told us this news was as if it was Dave’s fault, then my fault, but not their fault at all, when in actual fact it was all down to Dave. Nathan and Max didn’t take too kindly to their choice of words, either, “And right now they can’t tell if it’s going to be brain damage or short or long term memory loss or whatever.” I mumbled as we reached Jay’s room. I paused with my hand on the door, “It’s kinda upsetting,” I said quietly as I choked up a little before pushing the door handle and stepping inside. As soon as she set eyes on Jay, Nareesha stepped forward a little then just stared at Jay’s sleeping form with wide eyes and her mouth covered. Siva took her hand and gently led her to the chair I was sitting in before I left and guided her into the seat before standing behind her with his hands on his shoulders, but his eyes, too, never left Jay. I stayed by the door, letting it close behind me then kicking my feet lightly against the floor. Tom sat on the bed beside Jay and stared hard at him.

“Has he woken up since the ambulance?” he asked.

“Yeah, after he was in theatre,” Max said quietly, “But he still didn’t remember anything. Not that the time he was awake even counted; he got like four words out before the painkillers got to him,” he rolled his eyes then reached out and squeezed Nareesha’s knee.

I smiled tightly at Nathan when he turned round to look for me. He beckoned me over and rather than be stubborn like I usually would have been, I gave in to him and dragged my feet over, allowing him to pull me onto him and letting my head fall on his shoulder. A few tears spilled over my eyes and onto his t-shirt but I made no move to remove them. Even after everything he said, and after all the hugs and all the kisses on the head and all the hair that was brushed out of my eyes and face, I still contradicted Nathan...

This was entirely my fault.