If We Can't Break The Silence, How Can We Survive?

The drive was somewhat awkward. Luckily, Gerard didn’t try starting up a conversation, which kind of made sense ‘cause I think it would have been impossible for him to even try since he was focused on the road. I think the silence was killing Gerard because after a few weird seconds, he turned on the radio.

What came on surprised me a lot. I had no idea that he was into this kind of music. I guess we actually had something in common.

Gerard was singing along to the lyrics of Stutterfly. Saying his voice was amazing was probably exaggerating a little bit, but saying he was alright would have been a lie. But nonetheless, he definitely knew how to sing. I loved the way he sang, he had the type of voice that would calm you down and probably put you to sleep.

He then started to sing a little bit louder. This song was one of my favorites by this band.

“Hold me in your arms, as the tears flow. Promise me and say, “I won’t go, I won’t go, I won’t…”

I was fighting the urge of wanting to sing along with Gerard. I was also forcing my head to not bob along with the rhythm. It was very hard for me, but I contained myself anyway.

Turns out that Gerard was taking me to one of those little diners that looked like it came from the fifties. The restaurant was very close to my house, so the drive wasn’t even that long. As Gerard turned off his car, he turned to me and looked at me for a while. He gave me a look that I’ve never seen before, but I couldn’t tell what it was. It was kind of blank but you could tell there was something in there. Although he looked so cute at this moment, this was getting slightly awkward. I smiled awkwardly and darted my eyes. He shook his head as if he didn't realize he was staring at me and chuckled out of embarrassment . He looked at me again and said, “I know you already had dinner, but I didn’t know where else to go, so I thought we’d just come here. It’s nice and quiet and I think it’s better than the library. That’s why I came so late, ‘cause barely any people come here at night. Is this okay with you?” I grinned widely and nodded my head, but then I realized what would he think about me getting so excited over this. Did I just give myself away? Shit. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and I was pretty sure that I looked like an apple right now. Gerard noticed this and he laughed, shaking his head while getting out of the car, but not before mumbling a “you’re so adorable” to himself. Did he really just say that? And What did it mean? I didn't know the answer to that last question, but his little comment made me smile anyways. It also left me confused and wondering.

Before I could open the car door, Gerard had already opened it, and stuck his hand out for him to help me out. What was his deal today? He was acting as if I was his girlfriend (or in this case boyfriend) or something. Not that I minded though, it was just confusing the shit out of me and made me question myself about his sexuality. But I took his hand, and then closed the door. I expected him to let go as soon as I got out, but he let his fingers linger around my hand a little longer than he should have. I looked at him and then down at our hands and he quickly pulled away, blushing and saying sorry. I just shook my head and waved my hand telling him it was no big deal. But on the inside I was beaming.

Gerard’s P.O.V.

I think I might’ve freaked out Frank a little by holding his hand. I hadn’t mean to; I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

After Frank had turned me down about going to his house I had said “it’s a date.” I don’t even know why I said that. I felt completely stupid because I might have frightened him thinking I was gay and shit. But in a way, I kind of hoped that it was. A date, I mean. I don’t know why I was feeling that way, it was confusing me. I wasn’t even gay, yet I was saying and thinking these gay things and I had no idea why.

And it wasn't even till now that I just realized I had said he was adorable. Did I mean it? I probably wouldn't have said it if I didn't, right? Especially if it was absentmindedly. That's probably when you mean things the most. When you say it without even realizing you did. I didn't why this was happening. But I pushed all that to the back of my head because tonight was all about me getting to know him. There was something about him that was intriguing and I had become curious. He was very reserved and those types of people were the mysterious ones. My new goal was to figure him out.

We walked into the diner and the hostess had seated us in a booth at the far back while she handed us our menus. Frank was looking through his as he sat across from me. I looked around to see that there wasn’t that many people here, just an old couple and a family of four sitting at their tables. I really like this place, I went here once every week after school to eat or get a drink. I thought it would’ve been a good idea to take Frank here so that maybe if he liked it, we could come again sometime or something. I hoped that we could at least consider ourselves friends if we couldn’t call us anything else. I know that I had told Frank this was a date, but I honestly didn’t know if it was or not. Well I mean, of course it wasn’t, but I still couldn’t get it out of my mind. Did he know that I had even said that? And if he does, did he believe me and actually thought it was a date? If he did then he was obviously okay with it. But that wouldn't be likely so maybe he didn't hear me. I was really sweating over this.

I looked at Frank who was looking through the menu, his eyes darting side to side and mouthing the words as he was reading. For some reason I really admired him. I just thought that it was amazing, how he was deaf and all. I mean, I don’t think that I could live without talking and hearing, but knowing that Frank has been doing it is kind of inspiring. I smiled as I was looking at him. He looked so cute while doing what he was doing.

Shit. There I go again saying weird things.

After a while of me looking, well more like staring, Frank looked up at me. He smiled and blushed a bright pink then looked back down at his menu. God, I think I looked really creepy just staring at him like that. I think that all I had been doing all day was freaking this kid out.

A few minutes later our waitress came by. She was dressed in those old fifty dresses and had tons of makeup on. She looked like she was in her late forties, but looked young for her age at the same time. She greeted us with a smile and then asked us for our orders. "Good evening darlings, what can I getcha,” she said with a Jersey accent.

“I’ll have a burger, some fries, and a Dr. Pepper. And he’ll have…,” I trailed off not actually knowing what he wanted. He looked at me and pointed at what he wanted on my menu.

“He’ll have a milkshake,” I said. She nodded and wrote that down on her notepad thing.

“And what flava' do ya want,” she asked Frank. He looked at me confused and I mouthed the words to him asking what flavor he wanted. He looked down at his menu and pointed to the flavor he wanted to the waitress. “Strawberry it is,” she said smiling, while writing it down and sticking the booklet in her pocket.

“Ya order won’t be long. If either of ya two need anythin’ just call me ova,” she said as she was about to walk off, but stopped as I said “wait”.

“Do you have a pen or something that I can write with?”

“Oh yes, I think I have one right,” she trailed off as she was digging in her apron pockets.

“Here! There ya go sweetheart. Go ahead and keep it,” she grinned before walking off.

I looked at Frank who was looking at me and I said, “So, strawberry, huh?”

He looked at me and smiled sheepishly while nodding his head. I smiled back at him and grabbed some napkins from the dispenser. Frank threw me a curious’ look and I held up the pen and napkins, grinning like I had some genius idea. Frank knew where I was going with this and he rolled his eyes while shaking his head, smiling at me like I was some kind of dumbass. Hey, I thought my idea was pretty clever.

I set the napkins down and started writing on one. I didn’t want to jump into asking questions right away, so I just wrote down something basic.

Hey, what‘s up? I know, I know. I’m pretty lame.

I passed the napkin down to Frank and he gave me one of those looks that you give people when something is somewhat funny, but then dumb at the same time, so you end up making this face that’s a mix between them laughing and asking what the fuck? I chuckled at my lameness and just shrugged my shoulders. He bit his lip, trying to stop himself from wanting to laugh and wrote down on the napkin, passing it back to me as he was done.

Wow, very smooth. Well I’m obviously just sitting here, waiting for my damn milkshake! What about you? :]

I thought it was so cute that he had drawn that little smiley face. I laughed at what he wrote, and wrote back.

Well don’t worry; you’ll get your damn milkshake! Ha. Well I’m just sitting here too, waiting for my burger. So how do you like our little “date” so far?

I put quotation marks around the date part so that if it freaked him out, he ‘knew’ that I was kidding. I thought that was a pretty genius way of finding out what he thought this was.

I smiled and passed it down to him. He smiled widely and wrote back. Oh, so it is a date then? Haha. I actually really like this. It’s nice. And the place is kind of cute. Thank you so much for bringing me here, I really appreciate it.

After I read it I looked up at him and grinned widely. He mirrored the same expression and looked down, blushing again for the umph-teenth time today. I don’t know why I had gotten happy over what he said. We were both acting weird. Smiling and blushing at each other. Wait, was he…gay? Or was this just the way he always was? Was I gay!? Because this definitely wasn’t the way I always was! Not even at all!

Before I could think of anything else, the waitress came by with our food and sat it down in front of us. As she sat the milkshake in front of Frank, his eyes lit up like a four year old on Christmas. It made me smile seeing him this happy. I laughed at his childness and thanked the waitress, who also laughed at Frank and said, “I hope ya boys enjoy! Ya know what to do if ya need me.”

I looked back at Frank, who was going at his milkshake and drinking/eating it like it was water. A few seconds later, he contorted his face in pain and brought his palm up to his forehead, trying to rub the pain away. I knew he was going to get a brain freeze. I laughed a little as he looked up at me sheepishly.

“Be careful there, it's cold,” I laughed. He smiled back and rolled his eyes at my sarcasm.

“You must really love milkshakes huh?” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and grabbed one of the napkins from the stack I had. He reached for the pen and started writing on it.

I haven’t had one since I was about six. My dad and I used to get them all the time, but for some reason we stopped getting them. I haven’t even thought about these since then. They’re so good!

Since six years old? God damn, that was a very long time! No wonder he attacked that thing. I looked up at him and said, “Are you serious?”

He nodded and went back to his shake. He was eating it slowly this time, savoring the taste.

Every now and then, Frank and I would look up at each other and share a smile. As expected, he would blush every time, which would just make me smile even bigger at his cuteness. Jesus…

We then both finished our meals and called the waitress over so she could give us the bill. Frank pulled out his wallet and was about to take out some money, but I had stopped him.

“It’s a date remember? I’m the one that’s supposed to be paying,” I said while smirking at him. He grinned back showing all his teeth, and shoved his wallet back into his pants. I put the needed amount on the table and made sure to leave her a tip. “Wanna get out of here?” I asked while motioning my head towards the door. Frank smiled and nodded, getting out of the booth and coming to my side. He stuck his hand out for me, wanting to help me get up. I grinned and took his hand.

We were walking towards the door to leave, hand in hand, as our waitress shouted after us. “Thank you boys for coming! Ya have a good night okay?”

“You too, thanks for everything,” I yelled back. I was nervous about holding Frank’s hand, because I didn’t want to get the same reaction as earlier, but I figured if he didn’t like it then he would have pulled away. He hadn’t done anything about it, so I decided to just ignore it. It confused me though, that he was holding my hand. But a part of me didn’t mind it at all. I actually…enjoyed it.

We unlinked our fingers as we approached my car. I had planned to take him to another one of my favorite places tonight.